


What Follows Consent

by nachan00



Series: A Rotten Bond [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Aliens, Angst, Comedy, Drama, Love/Hate, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 03:07:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 62,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nachan00/pseuds/nachan00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life goes on. It does not stop on whims or halts to look back. It can only go forward. So, how long does it take to say "I love you"? Words can be very troublesome sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Perspective is Overrated

**Author's Note:**

> Begun in 2009 and finished in 2013, this is Part II of my GinHiji series "A Rotten Bond".

Shinpachi

Shimura Shinpachi was supposed to be a nice, regular young man. He thought himself quite the patient, comprehensive fellow but he didn't have any idea how forging bonds with a silver haired Yorozuya would change him completely. From thereupon, he became familiar with all types of craziness and used to the most obnoxious, stupid jobs ever available in the galaxy. Shinpachi could barely understand why he was spending his precious Otsuu-chan-devoting time with those people. Nevertheless, he endured it. He bore all the burdens on his back because that was what people expected from his type of character. However, let's not cross the line here. He had limits too. Shinpachi's tolerance wasn't infinite. There were obviously a few things he disapproved of and would simply not allow. He was soon to discover one of them.

His day started normally. He left the dojo and headed to Gin-san's house. He would wake up Kagura and Gin-san, feed Sadaharu and help with breakfast. Then, they would go look for a job or wait aimlessly in the living room for something extraordinary to happen. Unfortunately, something incredibly shocking had already occurred before Shinpachi could prevent it.

He entered the Yorozuya's headquarters and took off his shoes. He was so used to the routine he didn't notice the strange pair of shoes discomposing his everyday view of the threshold. Afterwards, he entered the living room and walked towards Kagura's closet. He slid open the door slowly and called her.

"Good morning Kagura-chan. Wake up" he told her. She was sleeping deeply, drooling from her mouth. Her pillow was in a disgusting state. Shinpachi brushed off the flinch of horror such sight induced in him.

"Ka-gu-ra-chaan! Wake up!"

The younger girl grunted and turned her back.

"Mmmrh…mmmhr…ghrhh"

"Come on, it's eleven already. Is Gin-san up yet?" He asked, though not expecting any kind of answer from the half-sleeping Kagura. He sighed and patted Sadaharu's head. Perhaps he should go wake up the adult first.

Thus, Shinpachi headed towards Gintoki's room. He raised an innocent arm to open the door and what unfolded before his eyes could not have been predicted, not even in a thousand light-years. In the futon where used to lay asleep a single lazy human body were now two, more specifically one on top of the other. This first assessment was by itself something overwhelmingly terrifying. Shinpachi couldn't yet find words or actions to respond to it. Also, the neglect the two _men_ were giving him did not ease things either. Shinpachi couldn't stop staring. His brain was currently numb while trying to cope with the words "men" and "bed" together.

Gintoki's face was buried in a collarbone not his own and, the dark haired man beneath him took a while to recognize. Shinpachi felt his insides twitch with a strange tremor. _It can't be…_ he thought with dismay. He then noticed how Gintoki's torso was more naked than it ought to be and he held his breath.

"…!"

_What the hell?!_

Hijikata moaned tiredly and caressed Gintoki's messy curls. He mumbled something in his ear with that trademark coarse, dry voice and the authenticity of such sound sent shills down Shinpachi's spine. _Is this for real?!_

Gintoki lifted up his head with a smirk. His dead fish eyes were sleepy but he was clearly in a good mood. Shinpachi was wondering how the hell they still hadn't noticed him panicking internally and vomiting invisible waves of disbelief. Couldn't they please stop _that_ and notice him hyperventilating over there?! Gintoki had seriously scarred a mental kind of virginity Shinpachi didn't even know he possessed. Wasn't it enough already?

_G-G-Giinnn-saaannn! Nooooooo!_

Unfortunately, the two men kept completely engrossed in their moment and alienated from the youngster's presence. Gintoki in particular was pretty awake and his hands were traveling to whereabouts Shinpachi refused to acknowledge. However, the straining distress he was feeling was soon put to an end. His surprised gaze met with Hijikata's for a second and there was a freeze. Gintoki, noticing the Vice Captain's sudden taut figure turned his head towards the door and finally saw Shinpachi's feeble frame standing there with eyes bulging out of their sockets.

"Shinpa-"

Shinpachi's legs and mind reached their limit before Gintoki could finish his sentence. Shinpachi wobbled to the side and passed out in pure shock. His tolerance had clearly outdated itself.

"Gin-chan, is Shinpachi dead?" Kagura asked rubbing her eyes.

It was going to be a long long morning.

* * *

Sadaharu

Being a dog sucked potatoes. Not every freaking pet could be Doraemon or Pikachu or stupid Agumon. Thus, Sadaharu could not talk as well. He was not a Wolf's Rain character either; he could not turn human in a snap of his fingers, so there wasn't much he could do about speech or intelligent interaction with people. All Sadaharu was capable of doing were huge amounts of dung and seas of vomit, aside from emitting the overkilling cuteness he had been bestowed with by Sorachi. Nevertheless, these facts shadowed the most rudimentary of truths: Sadaharu could listen, feel, see and smell as well as any other living being, maybe even better, and this led to his latest doom.

Yes, dogs have complaints too.

It all started when stupid Gintoki brought home the awful smelling man. Not only did he reek of tobacco, he infested the whole house with the terrible smell. Sadaharu could only thank the rain for fading the scent a little. It was close to unbearable. Yet, this was only a minor problem. The worst was the noise. Sadaharu wished he could bite his damn ears off. There was no way Kagura could sleep so soundly with all that moaning and panting every night. Each breath seemed to produce a massive echo everywhere! Sadaharu was in despair. From the bedroom next door all kinds of sounds issued, even the most stupid of conversations.

"Ha! Ha! … ha!"

"Aaah, Toshiro-kun is squeezing me in so tightly…"

"…Shut-…up!...nnngh… don't- call me… that… now"

Gintoki exhaled a long breath.

"I'm sorry Hijikata-kun"

"Don't…laugh!"

"Can't help… it"

A loud yelp followed.

"Hyaa! D-don't do that!" Hijikata said breathlessly.

"Aaah, it's gonna leave a mark"

"What?! Fucking asshole! That's a visible place!"

"Use your scarf, bastard!"

"The one you tainted with your jerking off?… No way!"

"Shut it! It's natural fluids-"

"That virus infested thing ain't touching me"

"Oh, right…. Hijikata-kun prefers the source"

"Wha-? You're pissing me off! Damned- …Ha! Nnnnh…. N-not t-there-"

Sadaharu covered his fluffy ears. It was too much for a lonely dog to endure. He shot a glance at Kagura's closet and leaned closer. He could hear her peaceful snores and strange mumbles about a kappa and a Justaway knight.

The universe be damned! How gladly would he exchange places with her! How joyfully would he accept those weird dreams! Nobody knew his pain except himself.

Suddenly Gintoki stepped out of the bedroom. His white kimono was hanging loosely on his shoulders, and he tiptoed to the kitchen silently. When Sadaharu lost sight of his creepy figure he turned his gaze towards the bedroom once again. He could see the sweaty back of a dark haired man and two arms stretched over his head. There was a white sheet covering him from the waist down and throughout the bedroom were scattered various pieces of clothes.

And they called Sadaharu an animal.

Gintoki returned shortly afterward from the kitchen with a package of strawberry milk in his hand. Sadaharu grimaced. The silver haired man reentered the bedroom with a hunched back and slid the door shut, much according to Sadaharu's wishes. The dog did not want to see whatever was going to unfold next inside those four walls.

"What's with that?" Hijikata asked suspiciously. His speech was slow and indicated tiredness.

"This…" Gintoki sobbed.

"Eh?"

"The two things I love most in the world are in the same room together…" he trailed off emotionally.

Sadaharu heard a loud scoff. It was obvious Hijikata did not fancy himself being compared to dairy products, though he couldn't whine much since he had a few non-living priorities up on his list as well, namely mayonnaise and cigarettes.

"Oi , you're drooling, idiot"

"Hijikata dipped in strawberry milk… kyaahh!"

"NEVER!"

* * *

Sa-chan

Ninjas are creatures of darkness. Ninjas live in the shadows. Ninjas live for a particular goal, they worship a particular lord. Sa-chan has her eyes glued to a sole person as well. That person is Sakata Gintoki. It's pretty blatant actually, but it doesn't mean she stalks him every second of every day. No, no. Sa-chan may be a sadomasochist perverted girl, but she has work too. She is a ninja. Unfortunately, such side of her character is probably the thing she regrets most. She can't stay beside her beloved Gintoki constantly, nor properly write her diary of his actions and emotions. However, Sa-chan is far from being as desolate and depressed as she will be in the near future, for there is nothing she can do to stop that event. People's lives are lived by none other but themselves.

It happened when Sa-chan was returning from her latest mission. She was jumping from roof to roof, heart in her throat; anxious to see the object of her affections once again, when she caught the shock of her life. It was the colossal "meant to happen". It could not have occurred in any other way.

Sa-chan positioned herself in the roof of the house across from Gintoki's and stayed there watching. It was too late for a complete intrusion. The silver haired man was certainly already up and about, as well as Kagura-chan and Sadaharu. The probabilities of Sa-chan being noticed were overbearing. She would not risk it. It was best to wait for them to leave before breaking in and hiding in the drawers.

The violet haired ninja kept her rigorous position on the roof for at least half an hour. Thirty minutes were nothing compared to the hellish hours she had waited in the past. Nevertheless, she did not have to wait long. Five minutes after a soft rain started falling, the Yorozuya's door opened and a familiar figure in a white kimono stepped out. Gintoki's face was hidden under Kagura's chinese umbrella and it would take a closer approach to see it entirely. Gintoki climbed down the stairs to the main street and walked directly towards the nearest vending machine. Sa-chan followed behind, laying her heart ready for direct contact.

When she finally arrived to the rooftop above the vending machine, she immediately put her plan into action. She fell to the ground purposefully and crawled towards Gintoki's legs, clinging to them as soon as she touched them.

"Ooh… Gin-san! It hurt so much… that fall just now… please, heal me!" she cried in fake desperation.

Gintoki was still. Gintoki was very still. By now Sa-chan should have already been sent flying to the nearest garbage and induced a high level of pain, but she did not. Gintoki stood quietly and unwavering. Had he had a change of heart at last? He couldn't have! Sa-chan looked up in astonishment.

She soon figured out two things.

She would never look up again and she would never cling to that person's legs EVER again.

Above her, with an amazing serious face was Hijikata Toshiro, Vice Captain of the Shinsengumi. At first, the shock did not surpass the acknowledgment of his status, then, after Sa-chan overcame her surprise she noticed the small details any passerby would have overlooked. The Vice Captain was wearing, without a shadow of doubt, Gintoki's white kimono with the blue patterns, however, on his neck bloomed red marks he had not troubled himself with hiding and beneath the fabric not a single damn thing was being worn. Sa-chan glimpsed at the vending machine and her brain grimaced. It was strange indeed, that Gintoki would leave his house to buy something from that particular machine, especially, tobacco.

"I suppose you're confusing me with someone else" Hijikata muttered in a bare whisper. Sa-chan quickly detached herself from his legs and stood up rigidly.

"Yes, I was" she replied numbly.

"Good to know…" Hijikata mumbled. He then lit a cigarette and headed back to Gintoki's house. His face held an angry expression.

Sa-chan was left torn between two emotions: anger at being switched for a guy and happiness for sensing a little bit of jealousy from the same. What was she supposed to feel after that?!

"Homo?!"

* * *

Otae

Shimura Otae was a beautiful young woman, hard working and gracious. She was the delight of her friends and neighbors yet there were times when her bad side was revealed, much against her will. She really did not mean any harm… except when she did. Anyway, what's important here is the fact that she was indeed a good person and above anything, an exemplar sister. She was currently worried about her baby brother Shinpachi, who had been acting weird for the past few days. He would not disclose whatever it was that was troubling him, and thus, such secrecy did not pass by Otae indifferently. She began to feel truly preoccupied and probably, more frustrated than she would like to confess. Otae was one of those girls who simply did not like being left out of the party and what was happening between Shinpachi and the others was sure to get to her ears, whether they liked it or not.

Kagura-chan was another person who was worrying poor Otae's soul as well. Every time she tried to suck some information out of the little girl the latter would always act indifferently and stoic, stating over and over again that nothing was wrong with them. Her attitude pissed the hell out of Otae and the similarity Kagura's personality began to show with that of her guardian could not anger the elder sister more than it already did. It was a sensitive situation and Otae began to scheme abominable persuasive ways to get the gossip she needed. However, one evening summed up everything she wanted to know, with more details than she would have requested.

"Otae-chan, are you leaving already?" One of her friends asked her at the hostess bar's back exit.

"Yes, I'm going to see Shin-chan" she answered kindly, clinging to the warm coat over her kimono.

"Oh, I see. Send him my regards then. Bye bye!"

"Goodbye" Otae replied. Her friend waved her goodbye with a smile and went back inside.

Otae turned the corner and stepped into the main street of the Kabuki district. It was crowded with people: old men looking for a comfortable place at a hostess bar, some entering the pachinko parlors, girls taking pictures at the most stupid places, kids running after their mothers so they wouldn't get lost, old ladies hushing home to prepare dinner. It was pretty chaotic, but Otae didn't care. Her mind was elsewhere, planning a devilish appearance by Gintoki's house.

She noticed a small group of Shinsengumi policeman some meters ahead and it did not take long until one came to greet her.

"Nee-san! How are you doing? It's unfortunate, but the Captain is not here right now. The Vice-Captain is the one leading this operation" he babbled with a bow.

Otae smiled gently and replied immediately.

"Oh my! That's wonderful! I'm not up to gorilla-sighting at this hour of the day, you know? Excuse me" and then she disappeared from sight behind a passing car, leaving the officer dumbfounded.

Otae entered a side street to avoid more annoying monkey leeches and picked up her pace. It seemed the whole of heaven was against her today. All she wanted was to know what the hell was going on at Yorozuya's. Nothing more.

"Geez…"

For a moment, it seemed like God had answered her prayers. Only a few meters ahead Otae caught sight of Gintoki's extravagant silver hair. He was walking down the roadway while reading his weekly Shounen Jump. It was the perfect opportunity for Otae to ask her questions wisely, without Shinpachi or Kagura to annoy her.

"Gin-san!" she called him. Otae raised her arm and waved to catch his attention.

Gintoki raised his head from the magazine and looked left. How strange. Otae was right in front of him… Did he not see her? She waved more fiercely to highlight her position yet without success. A big crowd appeared in front of her suddenly, leaving the nearest restaurant, and she was shadowed completely. A mayhem of curses gathered at her throat, but not a word escaped her lips. She hadn't given up yet! Otae launched forward and squeezed through the happy group of employees.

"Excuse me! Pardon me! L-let me through!"

While battling through the flow of people she glanced over at Gintoki hoping he had not disappeared. Thankfully he was still in the same spot, in the exact same position, which raised an interesting question. What the hell was he looking at? His stare was not normal. He had Shounen Jump in his hands and he was looking elsewhere. Was that really Gintoki? It would be quite understandable if he was looking at _her_ , but he wasn't. Those compassion filled eyes were focusing on something quite dearly and… wait! What if he was staring at _someone_?! That would explain a couple of things!

Otae finally stumbled out of the crowd and ran towards the silver haired samurai.

"Gin-san!"

"Hm?"

"Really! I called you at least a hundred times! What were you looking at?!" she scolded him angrily before looking at the alley on their left. There was no one there except some of those Shinsengumi idiots running around.

"N-no one" he replied with a jerk "I was just thinking about something"

"And what might that be? Shin-chan has been acting very weirdly lately" she began with a hand on her hip "I'm really worried. Are you hiding something again? Ever since you came back from Yoshiwara I thought something was up. Kagura told me you made lots of female friends there and you ran into some trouble as well. What have you done? Please let me help!" her questions were quick and filled with superficial care. She even batted her eyelashes for a stronger impact.

"Whaat?" Gintoki scratched his neck and yawned. It was impossible to notice his discomfort. That's how good he was.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe Shinpachi has finally gotten himself a girlfriend or something. You know how boys his age are"

Otae pouted and furrowed a brow.

"I doubt that severely"

"Naah, don't worry I-"

Once again Gintoki turned his head sideways and lost track of his speech. Otae twisted her head immediately scanning every inch for the distraction.

"What is it Gin-san? Something wrong?" she queried in a shallow tone. She got on her tip toes and perked her head up in hope of seeing something of importance.

"Ah!" Gintoki exclaimed surprised. Otae was totally lost. She had no idea what he was looking at or why he was reacting that way.

"Shit!" he cursed "Go on ahead, I'll only take a few minutes" Gintoki mumbled quickly before disappearing from her side. He sprinted towards the alley and left her rooted senseless to the spot. Otae was positively furious.

"What? Gin-san?! Wait!" she yelled confused and then after a few seconds deliberation she ran after him. _What the fuck is this moron doing? Is he fucking kidding me? I am gonna slash his body apart and drag him alive through the muck and the mud, freaking stupor! He will wish he never met Shimura Otae, fucking dick! I hope he's saying goodbye to this world and his little mister down there because tomorrow will be a very dark, hideous day for lady Sakata Gintoki! Prepare yourself Gin-san! I'll unleash hell on Earth!_

Otae's legs ran as fast as they could and after turning a couple of corners and evading a few Shinsengumi leeches she finally regained sight of Gintoki.

"There you are…" she muttered devilishly to herself. Otae stepped closer but stopped as soon as she heard a thunderous crash.

"Get lost!"

Gintoki was arguing with someone; someone very angry apparently. Otae could hear loud voices, loud male voices echoing everywhere, and the fact dozens of policeman were in the area didn't help one bit. Nevertheless, she tried her best to stay focused on Gintoki's argument.

"What the… saying? I was… to her!"

"I don't care!... hear it! Fucking asshole"

"Wait-"

"Don't…!"

Otae paled at the sight. Thank God it was dark. Thank God she was hidden in a dark, dark shadow for some things are not meant to be seen.

"My dear Shin-chan, what you must have seen…"


	2. Free Stuff Always Comes With a Catch

Gintoki was lazily sprawled on the sofa reading Jump. The house was unusually empty. Shinpachi had just stormed off after babbling about an Otsuu-chan Fanclub meeting and Kagura had disappeared from sight to go pester Otose downstairs. Such circumstances led to the heavy atmosphere that could be presently felt inside the Yorozuya's headquarters and almost visibly seen floating around Gintoki. His eyes had been staring at the same page for at least half an hour. He was obviously thinking, thinking pretty hard. It was a reflexive thing, he could not control it. Every time he tried to read whatever it was Luffy was shouting in the first balloon he lost his ability to see and trailed off to dream land. Not exactly dream land… he just couldn't help thinking about the latest developments in his life. Yes, _developments_ … The sole fact he could call them that was already something worth meditating about, though it was infuriating. It was damn enraging because nothing made sense.

From a simple minded point of view, there was nothing wrong with the life Gintoki was leading. It could be summed up to "physical needs" and a "good time", two concepts he did not have any problems understanding. Yet, it was astonishing how he was not taking such a predicted approach. Needless to say, this was just another one of his problems. The change in himself he could not comprehend and was way too disgruntling to even begin to accept.

Gintoki flipped a page for the sake of motion.

"Tsk"

How troublesome it was, how hideous, that now he felt the need to find meaning everywhere, every single time he met him. It was awful. That first time in the barracks seemed almost like a dream now. Bad or good Gintoki couldn't quite tell, but he was certain it felt quite surreal. Then, that time in his room next door, it was equally unbelievable. Looking back, it almost seemed like they were lovers, chasing after each other foolishly and hiding away. That was fun. Comparing those events with the present proved to be rather cruel if Gintoki measured the two realities. Now they barely even talked. Hijikata was always busy, sneaking off as soon as he was done and leaving Gintoki alone in the hotel bed. There had to be a limit to how lame he could look, but Gintoki endured it. He got to the point where he didn't care anymore because he was plain addicted. There wasn't much he could do about it, and accounting for the personality of the other party… what the hell could Gintoki do? That stubborn stupid anti-social bastard was the worst. They were not the least bit compatible; they did not suit each other at all!

"Not a single tiny shitty little bit, damn it!"

Gintoki dropped the comic magazine to the floor. He crossed his arms behind his head and sighed. _Hijikata_... If he wasn't deeply involved in it, Gintoki would have probably died laughing at the story. However, there was nothing amusing anywhere. There was just a never ending stain of loneliness that just got bigger and bigger. It was ironic because the opposite effect should be happening. _Ah! What is this now? Ribon? Margaret? Bessatsu Margaret? Give me a break! Pick up your balls!_

"That fucking mayora…"

He never listened to anybody or said what was on his mind. It pissed the hell out of Gintoki! That's why the crappy relationship they had was more a clash of personalities than a slight alteration of the concept. A lot of things were not spoken and feelings didn't have place in conversations or gestures. It was a fight for dominance, a junction of needs that they looked for in each other because they could neither escape, nor fight it. Ridiculous. It was beyond stupid. Sure, they called each other by their first names sporadically, but that was just a minor detail, a way to ease the burden; something which helped forget the guilt. Whatever it was Gintoki had with Hijikata couldn't possibly be love. Truth be told, after everything he had been through, all the years he had lived, could he possibly be bestowed with such a thing now? Of course not! Besides, Hijikata most certainly shared the same views on the subject. Gintoki wasn't delusional. He had some sense of reality, loss, luck… he didn't share much of the latter though. Kagura, Shinpachi, Otose and everyone else, all those strange bonds were already too good to be true. So, this thing with Hijikata… how long would it last? Such was the general question tormenting the silver haired samurai lately.

There was a knock at the door.

"Hello? Gin-san?" Otae's voice rang throughout the house. Gintoki got up from his slouched position on the sofa and walked up to the front door.

"Shinpachi's not here" he told her directly. The young woman shot him an angry glare.

"Is that any way to speak to a lady? You should stop reading kids' comics and act like an adult for once" she chided. Gintoki picked his ear with his pinky and looked sideways.

"Stop nagging, what do you want?"

Otae hissed slightly.

"A savage gorilla stalker sneaked into the dojo and left these documents there" she spat furiously as if reliving the whole incident that very moment. Gintoki glanced at a small stack of papers in her hand and furred an eyebrow.

"So?"

"So? I'm giving you this job. Return them" she said nearly in disbelief and shoved the papers in Gintoki's arms. He looked at them complacently and then back at her with a quizzical expression.

"What?" she queried temperamentally.

"You're not paying me?"

"Paying you?!" Otae shrieked "I'm not paying a cent to a leech like you! How many times do you think I've fed you and Kagura-chan? Don't make me laugh! Go hand those back and don't dare complaining! Hmph!" she added before sliding the front door shut.

 _Who the hell did she feed? As if there was an actual human being capable of eating those rotten burnt eggs!!_ Gintoki grimaced and scratched the back of his head lazily. He was so not up for this today. He wasn't up to do any kind of job for that matter, much less a trip to the Shinsengumi barracks. He could foretell the terror and discomposure waiting and squealing in joy.

"Yeah, the Shinsengu- N-n-noO!!" Gintoki stuttered perplexed. His brain had finally caught up with reality.

"Shit! I can't do this!… I…" he started mumbling a lot of dumb useless crap. Rants were pouring out of his soul.

"Damn that stupid Shinpachi! Where is that glasses otaku when I need him? And Kagura?! Always out playing, damn glutton…! That's a nice life, oi! Gin-san wants freedom like that as well. How nice! How nice it must be! Being happy without a care in the world! Let's all gather around the kotatsu and watch Sazae-san first thing in the morning! Haha! Hahaha!"

"Oi, Gin-san, you're being creepy" Shinpachi, who had suddenly arrived, muttered uncomfortably. He was standing by the entrance with a dull expression.

"Shinpachi!!! Great timing! Go to the Gorilla Captain and give him these. Your sister stopped by and-"

"Sorry Gin-san. I just came to get my wallet" Shinpachi excused himself quickly, walking past Gintoki into the living room and then returning just as rapidly "I forgot it with all the hurry earlier" he explained "We are going downtown to Otsu-chan's fanclub concert and I need to buy the new merchandise. There's a new deluxe edition set of"

"Right, right, right, right… Whatever, go! Disappear from my sight then" Gintoki grunted frustrated and, as soon as Shinpachi left, began putting on his boots against his will.

"Shit… it's always like this, damn brats… "

The satellite of vexation was gravitating nonstop apparently.

* * *

"Ah! It's Danna!" Yamazaki's stupid, irritating face popped up as soon as Gintoki entered the doomsday vicinity "What are you doing here? The Commander is in his room. Want me to call him?"

"Yes. As quickly as possible" Gintoki replied dryly, making every effort not to look around the place. Yamazaki nodded with his head and strolled away to go fetch the gorilla stalker. Great. Now Gintoki had been left alone with his wandering desires. _Shit. Hurry up!_ He could almost feel a pair of penetrating blue eyes piercing his body from all angles, scanning him from head to toe. Hopefully, it was merely his paranoia talking.

"Oi! Gintoki!" Kondo's loud cheering voice echoed from a distance "You came to visit! Need something?"

"Hmph! As if I ever needed something from this place…" Gintoki muttered to himself. He couldn't help his nerves "I came to bring you this" he said dangling the papers in front of Kondo's face "You should stop harassing people, you crazy pervert stalker"

Kondo laughed embarrassed shrugging the advice aside.

"Hahahaha! How lucky! I was just looking for those" he rambled while taking the documents. He hid them behind his back and then put a hand on Gintoki's shoulder. The latter looked at him nonchalantly.

"Come have a drink with me! As a token of my appreciation!" Kondo invited with a friendly pat. Gintoki brushed his hand away and stepped back.

"Sorry Gori, I have to-"

"I knew you would accept! Haha!" Kondo grinned happily. It was clear he wouldn't have a "no" for an answer. Gintoki sighed in defeat. Someone must have put a curse on him or bought a very effective voodoo doll.

"Oi Yamazaki, take these and leave them on my desk. Let Toshi rest after he comes back" Kondo said to the young officer.

Yamazaki bowed slightly and took off to an inner room of the barracks with the documents. It's dispensable to state Gintoki drank down Kondo's entire statement. Somehow it soothed him knowing the demon Vice-Captain wasn't around. It had been at least four days since they had last seen each other, and, accounting for the state of confusion Gintoki's mind was in lately, their next meeting could not turn out good. Not good at all. Fortunately, Kondo did all the talk during the hour and a half Gintoki spent with him. It felt nice being distracted from those disturbing thoughts.

"Well Gori, I really got to go now. Thanks for the drink" Gintoki said standing up. Kondo waved his hand and bade him goodbye with the promise of another meeting.

"Come back any time Yorozuya"

"Sure… sure…" Gintoki replied tiredly. He then left the comfy tatami room and stepped into the wooden corridor. He was dying to get out of there; the place where Hijikata lived, the room where he slept, the floor he stepped on every single day... these facts were clinging to Gintoki like an infectious disease.

"I'm sick" he muttered with a palm over his forehead. Gintoki bore the utter sight of hopelessness.

He wandered around until he found the exit. He walked past a few rooms and along some corridors, constantly praying he wouldn't end up some place where his memories could torment him. Each and every inch of the barracks stung him with regrets and such other feelings not comprehensible. It was a mixture of frustration and anxiety that didn't bring any forbearance. Gintoki felt control escape from his grasp like grains of sand. Consequently, the day was not over yet. An enormous group of officers was entering the complex when he got to the front door. It looked like they had come from a nasty battle. Some were hobbling and limping along, others were sweating and occasionally bleeding. It must have been a pretty bad raid. Gintoki stepped aside to allow them to pass through and tried to blend in with the wall. The last thing he wanted was to be a nuisance to all those cripples and end up locked in a cell. That's how things ran in the Shinsengumi.

"Bunch of creeps…"

As they began to disperse to the depths of the settlement, Gintoki proceeded to flee out of the hellish place. He tip toed to the entrance and was just about to step outside when a bloody hand came to rest upon the door frame inches away from his face. His organs stopped functioning momentarily while air seemed difficult to inhale.

"…"

Hijikata was covered in red. Red, red, red. Maroon blood was splattered all over his figure. His uniform and his scarf, everything was stained. He had overworked himself as usual. It wasn't something surprising. Nevertheless, seeing him like this hurt Gintoki in a strange nostalgic way. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced in a long time, probably since the war against the Amanto years ago. Fortunately, reality was pretty good at slapping him in the face and Gintoki was brought back to Earth immediately.

"Hijikata…"

Hijikata stumbled forward but did not lose his stance. His head was looking down and his body was apt to succumb to the strain, yet he did not waver. He did not notice Gintoki's presence either. Only after bumping into him did he finally gaze up.

"Uh…?"

By the time they locked stares Gintoki was all regret. Why hadn't he left sooner? Damn! Should he help the bastard or not? He looked pretty wounded… Gintoki raised a hand to grab Hijikata's arm but a snarl prevented him from further advance.

"Don't touch me!"

Gintoki stood petrified on his spot. He could not act reckless; he could not punch the fucking idiot for being hateful and selfish.... Hijikata Toshiro could not be touched because Gintoki was afraid of breaking the fragile looking stupor.

"Not today…. I don't want to see you today" Hijikata muttered lowly. Gintoki stared at him confused and let the dark haired man go.

"What the hell…?"

Gintoki turned around to glance at Hijikata's back and frowned. What was wrong with him?

"Oooh… Danna? Hmmm, what do you call this? Bad timing?" Okita Sougo's voice carried its familiar amount of mischief.

"It's more like bad luck. Or rather, no luck at all" Gintoki mumbled annoyed. Okita chuckled and stopped by the Yorozuya's side.

"It's best if you go home today Danna. Hijikata-san wants to be alone"

Gintoki looked at the little runt with a twinge of hatred. It wasn't like he wanted to be there in the first place and he didn't like to be told what to do either, especially by such a sadistic kid!

"He does? Good for him. Who cares anyway? I was just leaving" Gintoki replied shortly. Okita surveyed him attentively.

"Something on my face Okita-kun?"

"No, I was just thinking… are you going to sneak in from the back?"

"Of course not!"

"Oh ok…"

Gintoki shrugged his shoulders and stepped outside. Damned brat… there had to be limit to foresight.

"Danna~~"

"What now?!"

"I'll give you this…" Okita rummaged through his pockets and took out a small piece of paper. He walked up to the silver haired samurai and handed him the item.

"What's this?" Gintoki asked flatly. He turned the paper in his hand and looked more closely. It was a picture, an old photograph to be precise. In it were two people, the first and most visible was a young woman with light brown hair. She was smiling peacefully to the camera while sitting on a wooden porch and the other was a man sitting right beside her. He had long black hair tied in a high ponytail. Gintoki raised the photo to his eye level. It couldn't be…

"Hijikata in a ponytail?!!!" Gintoki shouted in disbelief. He had to cover his mouth to prevent a loud hysterical laugh from issuing. Okita glared.

"Is that the only thing you see, Danna? You're really loyal to your feelings, who would have thought…" Okita trailed off half seriously, half-angry.

"What's that supposed to mean? Oi!"

"You don't suppose I carry that picture around because it has Hijikata with a ponytail, do you Danna?"

"N-no" Gintoki replied awkwardly. He glanced again towards the photo. The girl was kind of familiar. Where had he seen her before? Oh right… "Hey, isn't this… your sister?"

"Correct answer"

"Oh so that's why…"

"I'm glad you understand Danna. Now, I will give you the photo on one condition" Okita said with a mischievous look. Gintoki prevented a cough.

"Condition? Oi, oi Okita-kun, if this is another one of your quirks I'll gladly refuse it"

"Really? A rare-limited-edition-once-in-a-life-time picture of young Hijikata Toshiro with long hair?" Okita said him stoically yet innocently enough "You'll refuse it?"

"N-not… really… no" Gintoki had to turn sideways to spare himself the flush.

"Thought so"

"So what's the catch?"

"Danna has to stay away from Hijikata-san for a month"

"I what?!" Gintoki exclaimed perplexed. His ears had to be full of wax surely.

"What I just said. You can't do it?"

"S-sure! Why would that be a problem?! Who wants to see that stupid mayora asshole anyway? Not me!" Gintoki felt like a fool. His lies were always so amusing, so stupidly fake, he even wanted to laugh at them himself.

"Danna, I'm not joking here"

Okita's eyes were serious. They portrayed a kind of coldness you did not see often even considering his trademark evil behavior. This proposal was definitely not a joke. It had some meaning, a meaning that eluded Gintoki entirely. Had he missed something?

"Why a month? Why this stupid game Okita-kun?"

"You know what day is today?"

"Hm? Friday?"

"Wrong. Today marks a year of Nee-san's death"

There was silence. A few recollections flashed dauntingly through Gintoki's mind, refreshing his memory vividly. Okita Mitsuba's death had been quite a shock to her peers, especially to a certain dark haired man of Gintoki's secret fancy. It was valid logic to associate such an event to the most disturbing sight of Hijikata ever beheld by Gintoki. After all, not often could someone see the Demon Vice-Captain of the Shinsengumi cry. Many could not even imagine it.

"That's why you must stay away from Hijikata-san from now on"

"I still don't get your train of thought Okita-kun"

"You don't Danna? And here I am making your life so much easier…"

"I'm not following" Gintoki replied bluntly. His bomb of bubbling feelings was ticking hectic. The whole topic was stabbing him with rage. For the most varied reasons.

"You want to get rid of him don't you?" Okita said matter-of-factly "This is the perfect opportunity Danna. Hijikata-san is mourning Nee-san's death, even if he doesn't seem to, he is. So, while he's engrossed in such depression, it is the best time for you to step back Danna. Hijikata-san won't be a problem anymore _and_ you get a commemorative memento. How's that for a gift?"

Gintoki was rooted to the spot. His body and mind were battling fiercely: one with the intent of slicing Okita Sougo right there and then and the other pleading with all might for him to say yes.

Gintoki put the picture inside his pocket and turned around.

"I'm keeping this" he replied emotionless and then walked away.

Okita smiled to his back.

"Goodbye Danna. Hope I'll see you again… in a month"

* * *

Gintoki rolled around in bed incessantly. He was beginning to lose count to the times he had turned left and right. He was sure that under his eyes had to be two black holes swirling into a void of despair. He was getting sick of looking at his own bedroom walls, for fuck's sake! Couldn't some unknown deity grant him a good night's sleep? Maybe he was back in episode 153 when Kagura contracted him her terrible insomnia, it sure looked like it! Being awake in the middle of the night was the absolute worst. In the dark and silent stillness of the house Gintoki was positive the ghosts of his worries would finally materialize themselves to murder him. The passing clouds in the sky gave life to unborn shadows in dark corners of his bedroom. Gintoki wasn't scared… he was fucking mortified! And the thoughts echoing inside his brain were driving him nuts. What the fuck was he doing there? Why wasn't he doing anything? If there were any doubts, any distressing worries, he could only ease them in one way, right? He was not letting Okita's stupid trick agonize him like that. Who did the little rat think he was? As if he had some kind of footing in Hijikata and Gintoki's "relationship"! Gintoki slipped out of the futon in protest and put on his winter coat. He left his room and headed for the entrance.

The small racket woke up Kagura who slowly stuck her head out of her closet.

"Gin-chan? Where are you going?"

"Gin-san can't sleep. He is going to take a walk. You go back to sleep. We have work tomorrow"

"Ok. Don't take long. Listen to mama. Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

Gintoki climbed down the stairs of the apartment and trotted along the street.

"Shit, it's cold"

He walked quickly through the narrow empty alleys and cursed internally. The moon was the sole thing illuminating most residential areas, bathing the Kabuki district with a silver light. It must have been two or three o'clock perhaps. Either way, the ridicule of the situation startled Gintoki a few times before he got to his destination. He could barely believe he was going forward with such a reckless idea, but he trusted his gut. It had worked up until now. Gintoki crawled under a bush and climbed a little fence. Those were the obstacles to his goal.

"Stupid dogs… can't help it when you have a gorilla for a leader uh?" Gintoki whispered amusingly to himself. He then crossed the peaceful garden to the lonely familiar porch.

"Here we go"

Gintoki did not waver. He did not flinch or even halted his movements. He was decided, he was going to do it even if it meant the terrible end of the universe. He was going to fucking sleep! His mind was going to get its deserved rest!

He entered Hijikata's room silently. The person in question was sleeping in his futon, covered with thick, fluffy sheets and blankets.

"Pretty comfortable aren't we? Look how the bastard sleeps so soundly. Tsk"

Gintoki approached closer to survey Hijikata's face. It was porcelain pale, with one or two bandages covering superficial wounds. Exactly what one would expect from a daredevil such as the Vice Commander.

"Idiot… there shouldn't exist people who enjoy fighting. It's damn useless, just like you…"

Gintoki paused and closed his eyes. He was thinking deeply about the best way to wake up the sleeping beauty when one of his hands unconsciously started caressing Hijikata's perfect straight hair. It was a habit he had picked up after their lechery when Hijikata lowered his guard and lacked the strength to stop him. A foul play for sure. Hence, it was no surprise when the Vice Captain's eyes began opening and bulged out in shock. Arising in impulse, his hand went immediately in search for his sword though, unfortunately for him, Gintoki grabbed the pointy object first and hid it behind his back.

"Are you going to threaten me at this hour of the night? You might wake up the entire troops Hijikata-kun" Gintoki told him suppressing a smile. Hijikata scowled.

"Leave, go away, now"

"Don't be rude asshole. I came here with a mission"

"Don't bullshit me at this hour. I have work tomorrow, get out"

"Everybody has work tomorrow don't worry"

"You're pissing me off. OUT"

"Don't yell too loud Hijikata-kun, remember what I said about waking up your minions?"

"What do you want?"

"I came to give this back to Okita-kun" Gintoki said stoically taking out a photo from inside his winter coat. He gave it to Hijikata and the latter gazed at the picture instantly. His look did not tell much.

"Sougo gave you this?"

"Yes. It was a free gift"

"Why are you giving it back?"

"You want me to have it?"

"No! I don't care"

"I know you don't, that's why I am giving it back. You know it _was_ a free gift but it came with a price"

"What price? Is that another joke? I'm too tired to hear your crap"

"Okita-kun didn't tell you? Ooh, you're missing out all the fun…"

"Whatever!" Hijikata turned his back furiously and settled back into bed. Gintoki pouted at the stubborn behavior.

"Oi, don't ignore me. Oi, oi, oi, oi" Gintoki poked Hijikata's back with his index finger annoyingly.

"Stop that!" the dark haired man exclaimed in a controlled whisper.

"You have to listen, stupid Mayora"

"Shut up bast-"

"I can't stay a month without seeing Hijikata-kun, probably not even a week, so I'm giving this back" Gintoki cut in shortly and gestured for the picture now laying down on the futon. Hijikata glared at him for a while. The latter could tell he was processing what had just been said very carefully in his head. Thus, the blushing result was very dearly sighted.

"W-what are you talking about? You can do whatever you want with the freaking picture, perm bastard"

"I can? Can I jerk-off while holding this beautiful photo of Mistuba-san? Is that what you are saying?"

The comment earned Gintoki a punch in the face.

"Fucking asshole!"

"You're way too violent Hijikata-kun, I was joking"

"Get out. Leave this instant before I kill you"

"I'm not done yet"

"Uh?"

"I'm not done with my questions Hijikata-kun. You know, you may be able to sleep soundly at night, but I can't. Gin-san can't sleep a tiny bit and it's because of this fucking Shinsengumi asshole that is messing with his life" Gintoki told him bitterly. He had overlooked the punch because he acknowledged he had gone too far, but seeing himself being misunderstood riled him completely.

"What did you say?!"

"Shinsengumi asshole"

"You son of a-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me finish first Mayora-kun" Gintoki imposed his demanding tone once more.

"Wha-!"

"So, I can do whatever I want with this picture, right?"

"Who cares?! Just get done with it and leave" the reply was as desperate and wrathful as the intent of the question.

"So I can have it?"

"Sure, whatever!"

"Ok then. I'll be leaving as you wish"

"Uh?"

"That was all Hijikata-kun. Gin-san will not bother you anymore"

"G-good. Disinfest!"

"See you in a month, Vice Captain"

Gintoki stepped out of the room without looking back. He wanted to destroy something really badly just for the sake of venting out frustration, but his nonchalance shell was pretty hard and effective. Moreover, the fact such moment felt overwhelmingly like a déjà vu didn't help at all. Past regrets caught up pretty quickly with Gintoki. Thankfully he was given a second chance.

"Gintoki!" Hijikata stepped out into the porch. His hand was glued to the sliding door to help him retain balance. He was still shaken from the wounds of that evening's raid. His loose yukata allowed Gintoki to survey substantial proof, namely bandages covering his abdomen and lower torso.

"Wait…" Hijikata's voice was no longer aggressive "Don't… you… don't" he fumbled with words pathetically, twisting Gintoki's heartstrings unconsciously. He hated it.

" _Don't go?_ Is that what you're trying to say?" Gintoki deadpanned. He was bursting with tingling hopes but he restrained himself.

"No, that's not…what I… no… I-"

"Shitty Mayora, I'm not going to spell everything for you every single time" Gintoki said angrily, though he was not standing anymore. His legs were walking back to the idiotic bastard leaning by the porch.

"Who's the shitty ma-"

Gintoki was already too close for Hijikata to end his phrase successfully.

"So? Is Gin-san going to enter uninvited again?"

Hijikata glared for a few seconds. His feisty personality couldn't resist flaring at Gintoki's mocking. He was not to be toyed with, the latter knew it. Nevertheless, yielding was a marvelous thing about Hijikata as well. It only took a while for one to learn it.

"Don't go, perm bastard" Hijikata said seriously, blushing out of every pore. Habits were hard to break. Gintoki merely grinned.

"Some little bird told me Hijikata-kun was crying alone in his room. Gin-san had to come anyway"

"W-what?"

"Hehe"

"Sougo that bastard!"

"Kya! Don't talk about other men in Gin-san's presence, I'll get jealous"

"Stop spouting garbage, I'm tired"

Gintoki reentered the Vice Captain's room and closed the door behind him soundlessly. He then followed the other man to the futon and sneaked inside. Hijikata lay down equally and allowed Gintoki to embrace him. Not without complaining of course.

"You're being gross"

"Shut up, stupid"


	3. Battlefields Are Nasty, Battlefields Span To Unthinkable Lengths

People are constantly measuring affections. If not deliberately, they certainly do it unconsciously and, thus, feelings whichever may be such as love, hate, sadness or jealousy, they all end up working in mysterious subtle ways. By the time one knows it they have already imploded inside of us and turned our minds upside down. General opinion refers to this as a state of confusion, a convenient assessment surely, but it usually works even more so when it concerns dense types of people. Unfortunately, being confused forever is blatantly impossible. Life does not ease things as much as we would like it to. If anything, life only makes things harder, forces us to fight and struggle for every little bit of joy and drags us on and on through time without mercy. Nevertheless, it's after enduring those hard trials that people are finally granted happiness. The span of the latter, be it short, long or ever-lasting, it depends solely on them. Fate has little to do with it. Man has himself and his equals to blame.

Hijikata being the thick headed kind of person who does not give a damn about anyone was going to learn all these seemingly painfully truths the hard way. As if there was any other way to learn them…

"Vice Commander we are ready to proceed" a Shinsengumi official reported through the transmitter.

Hijikata took the cigarette from between his lips and dropped it to the floor casually.

"Very well. Let's go. Teams 2 and 5 go through the back. Sougo check the upper floors. The other teams enter directly through the front. Yamazaki you come with me. Let's go!"

The policemen dispatched at the sound of the Vice-Commander's words and disappeared among the shadows of the night. The current hostile incursion was taking place at a popular inn of south Kabuki with the objective of apprehending a group of supposed Joui faction members the Shinsengumi had been tailing for the last couple of months. Kondo had approved the assault and Hijikata was to lead the men in action. They blasted into the crowded inn and a ruckus installed itself immediately. Women started screaming with horror, startled samurais groped the floor looking for their weapons and old men tried to run away for their lives hoping to get out of the place alive.

"Everybody down on the floor, NOW!"

"You Joui fucks! I dare you to pick up your swords and fight, maggots!" Hijikata yelled more excited than he should. There was no helping the bloodlust in his nature. Hijikata's old, original reasons for fighting had a nasty habit of clouding his responsibility and status. There was nothing he could do about it. Personality traits are hard to lose. A couple of men lunged at him bravely from behind yet he sliced them down easily

"Is that all you've got?!" he replied entertained to the weak bodies lying on the floor.

A shattering noise was heard from upstairs and caught the attention of the battling bunch in the room. A few heads rose upwards trying to discern the cause of the distraction.

"Uh?"

"What was that?!"

"Don't worry Vice-Commander, it's Captain Okita, he launched the bazooka" an officer replied while climbing down the stairs from the upper floor. Hijikata scowled. His sadistic subordinate's behavior was annoying as usual. Why hadn't he been provided with decent underlings? A translucent wave of grief washed over him in self-pity. Hijikata did not deserve this.

"Tsk. That damn brat! Does he want to blow up the entire-"

"Watch out! Hijikata-san!"

"Hm?"

The warning was barely of any help. Hijikata dodged swiftly and landed a hard blow on the gut of the attacker with the scabbard of his sword. The raging samurai fell to the floor soundly.

"Argh! Son of a …"

"Bunch of amateurs" Hijikata muttered "Lock them all up! We'll go through the heads of the group first" he ordered loudly. Afterwards, he looked around to survey the state of affairs and was glad to perceive the situation under control. Hijikata took out his pack of cigarettes and reached a hand into his pocket to look for the lighter.

"How's everything up there? Someone bring me Sougo's ass down here. I don't want him destroying the fucking building while we're still inside" he demanded to the nearest subordinate "Where's Yamazaki?"

"He was just outside, sir"

"Damn it. Then you go and report to Kondo-san"

"Yes, sir"

"You" Hijikata gestured to other young official "Go get me Yamazaki. I'll punish him for his uselessness right here!"

"I'm on my way, sir!"

Hijikata lit his cigarette and proceeded to walk out of the inn. Most of the Joui members were being arrested and knocked senseless by now. Red and blue lights sparkled everywhere and curious passersby were starting to mingle together a block away. _Watching other people's suffering and hard work must be incredibly fun..._ Hijikata grimaced. Fatigue was corroding his muscles and mind. The everyday randomness was beginning to engulf him.

"And I still have paperwork to do. Shit…"

"Vice Commander! Vice Commander!" Yamazaki's shouts were distant and distressful. Hijikata cocked his head to the side, hand ready at his sword.

"Where the hell were you, brainless idiot?! I'm gonna kill-"

"It's the head! The head of the group, the one with ties to the old Jouishishi faction, he just got away! I thought I had him-"

"WHAT?!" Hijikata turned his whole body around in shock "You useless piece of shit! Where did he go?!"

"I lost him near the back. I think he's in the surrounding alleys, sir-"

"Harada!"

The bald man ran to the Vice Commander's spot in a second.

"Take charge until Okita gets his ass down here. Tell him to proceed as planned. I'll be going after the rat" Hijikata bellowed his orders with fury and then turned to poor incompetent Yamazaki.

"Yamazaki, prepare yourself for seppuku" he said.

Yamazaki gulped and bowed a thousand apologies in advance but Hijikata's mind had already given closure to the topic. He put out his second cigarette with dissatisfaction and ran towards the dark passageways by the inn.

"Damn that stupid asshole. Never does anything right…shit"

Hijikata cursed loudly to release some stress. It was almost comical the way his life danced everyday near the limit of despair. Things never went his way and nobody could say Hijikata didn't try. He worked and worked and sweated in effort to keep his plans on track. Why couldn't just a particle of that cursed whole flourish properly? The amounts of cigarettes he wasted were murderous thanks to all the commotion! He had to wrap up nicely today. Hijikata was going to end the day in a good manner. He had decided. The motherfucking Joui douchebag might as well have already given up. The unleashed hell of the Vice Commander was prepared to follow him to the ends of the Earth.

After wandering around silently doing checks, Hijikata glimpsed a dark profile moving a few meters ahead. He sneered happily to himself and began the approach. The arrest would take less than a nanosecond. With the ton of frustration he was holding up, a swift swing of his sword would be enough. His hand rested on the handle almost lovingly. It wouldn't do the bastard much harm if he gave him a good slash on the back, right? He should survive… he would have to survive torture later either way. Hijikata took a deep breath and proceeded forward. The man had his back hunched and was barely visible in the dark of the night.

"You fucking Joui rat I got you-!!"

The man turned his head to the side slightly and, as if in synchrony, the cloud hiding the moon floated away suddenly, showering the street with light. To Hijikata's doom it was not only the street that became illuminated but also a familiar mess of silver curls. _You've got to be fucking kidding me!!!_

"Gin-to-ki??!!" Hijikata twisted the sword around just in time to avoid any contact with its sharp edge. He tried to slow down his impetus but the miserable failure made him crash into the surprised samurai. Gintoki hit the wall with full impact and, following Hijikata's bodily collision, they both fell to the ground in the most ungraceful fashion.

"What the fuck were you doing? Do you want to kill me asshole?!" Gintoki yelled outraged. He shook his head to brush off the numbness and massaged his neck.

"You're the one who must have a death wish, bastard! Can't you move?!" Hijikata retorted. His mind was still embracing the fact he had made a mistake.

"I was taking a leak! I didn't know I would be attacked in the middle of it, pervert Mayora!!"

"Who's the pervert Mayora?! Get off me!"

"You're the one sitting on top of me! Move!"

Hijikata cussed and tried to stand up rapidly. His feet groped devotedly for solid ground but Gintoki's constantly fidgeting and moving around did not help him. Hijikata sent the silver haired punk a glare yet, instead of a reply, he received a feeble blush in return. Goosebumps crawled up his skin.

"W-what?" Hijikata was almost afraid of asking.

Gintoki's eyes widened mildly at the question but his nonchalance didn't take long to mask the embarrassment. His bored and annoyed expression transposed all discomfort back to the Vice-Commander.

"Could you stop rubbing your butt against my crotch? I haven't zipped up yet" he said dryly. Hijikata turned deep maroon as he began to feel a strange hardness poking from underneath. He punched Gintoki's face immediately, unable to think of any other reaction.

"Bastard! I don't have time for this!" Hijikata roared. He got up clumsily and picked up his fallen sword, careful to avoid any contact with Gintoki. Lechery was a very devious business.

"Oi! Oi! Oi! Are you going already? I thought you were inviting me!" Gintoki retorted with amazing speed, zipping up his pants disappointedly.

"Who's inviting a bastard like you?! Shit. I'm gonna lose him" the anxious policeman replied. He looked around nervously and picked up his pace.

"Wait, wait! You're gonna lose who?! Gin-san is being abandoned right here!" Gintoki cried irritated, getting up on his two feet. He sprinted quickly towards the dark haired man and clang to him childishly.

"Noooooo…."

"I'm working!" Hijikata freed himself of Gintoki's grip and restarted his chase.

"Don't ignore me jerk!"

"See ya later"

"Fucking bastard, _see ya later_ my ass! Wait a damn second"

Hijikata was startled when Gintoki caught up with him once again and turned him around briskly. Having this kind of liberty was beginning to feel truly enraging. Gintoki was trespassing way too much the borders of Hijikata's patience, which was already stretched as far as possible.

"What the hell are you doing, Ie-"

Gintoki silenced him effectively. He pressed his lips against Hijikata's and kissed him relentlessly. The latter could not but yield. The sudden break in his routine was more alluring than he could admit. In fact, every time Gintoki popped out of nowhere it was intriguing. Hijikata wanted to roast his insides just at the thought, but truth be told, his conscience was not lying. Some things were just undeniable and Gintoki's appealing something had already been acknowledged by Hijikata. He allowed himself a few more moments of vice and then broke the kiss.

"S-stop that, idiot!" Hijikata managed to blurt out.

"You sure you want me to?"

"Of course! I'm working asshole!"

"Right, right, Hijikata-kun-"

A strange noise issued from nearby. It interrupted Gintoki's sentence and brought Hijikata's attention back to action.

"It's him! Shit!"

Hijikata detached himself from Gintoki's embrace and rushed to the street ahead. He unsheathed his sword and took a peek. Stillness. There was quietude for a moment and then a shadow began to move in the distance. Quick footsteps echoed behind the man.

"Piece of shit! Stop right there!!" Hijikata yelled at him.

"Oi Hijikata-kun! Come visit me later!"

"What the hell??! Get lost!" the Vice-Commander replied somewhat confused. Gintoki's stubbornness was completely out of place at the moment.

"How about tomorrow?" Gintoki cried louder.

"I have work to do! I'm not a lazy ass like you!"

"Tomorrow it is then!!"

"Like hell it is!"

Hijikata soon lost sight of a smiling Gintoki and concentrated on pursuing the shady samurai. Obviously, his mind was not totally focused on the Joui remnant or the pursuit. The sticky remains of Gintoki's being were as annoying as the bastard himself. The sweet smell was rooted inside Hijikata's own clothing, the sound of his voice reverberated in the back of his head and the irritating aftertaste of the kiss still lingered on his lips. Hijikata had reasons to be poorly attentive. However, he wasn't called the master of workaholics for nothing. He took out his transmitter and started giving orders to get back on track.

"Harada! Send me a team to north Kabuki district, main street. The bastard is heading there"

"Which one Hijikata-san? You or the other bastard?" the tone of that voice was familiarly irritating.

"Sougo?!"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and do as I say!"

"Ok, ok. Try not to live Hijikata-san"

"DIE!"

"Don't waste the batteries with such trifle messages Hijikata-san"

"Look's who's talking!!"

"Don't worry. I have you on the aim of the bazooka, just in case"

"Is that supposed to protect or attack me?!"

"Over and out….bzzzzzzzzzz"

"You don't need to fake that bzzzzz, troglodyte!" Hijikata shut the transmitter off and shoved it in his back pocket. Talking to two idiots in a row drained whatever sanity he had left.

Hijikata kept running behind the target. They were moving north just like he had predicted, though the lack of proximity was taking a toll on him. After chasing the offender through another block, Hijikata opted for a narrow street. The short-cut gave him the advantage he needed thus when he reached the intersection ahead, the Joui samurai finally got within his grasp. The Vice-Commander brandished his sword forward at once. Unexpectedly, the man blocked the attack with his own katana.

"Oh? There's one capable of defending himself" Hijikata sneered. They broke contact with a shove and after a deep breath lunged at each other one more time.

"If it isn't the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi… I'm honored" the stranger said. Hijikata clicked his tongue viciously and in a rash move struck his blade. The attempt only managed to scratch a cheek.

"Cunning bastard aren't you? I have no time for this shit anyway. You're arrested for-"

"Not so fast"

The man did not let Hijikata finish. He slipped a short knife out of his kimono and aimed successfully at the other's shoulder. Hijikata winced briefly at the induced pain yet threw it aside along with the small object imbibed in blood.

"You little fucks sure enjoy your puny little tricks"

Hijikata dodged another blow and wiped a few stains of blood off his face with his sleeve.

"In a fight every puny little trick matters, though your earlier display left me quite disgruntled, if may I say so"

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"You and your white haired friend. If these rumors reach the rest of the Joui we will be entertained for a decade. Hahahaha"

Hijikata's stomach froze. Those words filled with disdain, bitterness and mock burned his organs with fury and embarrassment. Air leaked dangerously out of his lungs. Panic threatened to steal the control of his body. The guy had seen that?! Impossible! No! No? It wasn't that odd. They were right there in the middle of the street and Gintoki was too quick to be prevented. So what if he did? Who the fuck cared? The damned stupor would forget everything the next day after a dose of torture. Hijikata would make sure of that.

"I'll be sure to silence you before that happens, scumbag!" Hijikata replied angrily.

"You will? I'm sorry Hijkata-san, but I don't swing that way, I would rather be tortured" the man said between laughs.

"If I were you I wouldn't expect anything less!"

Hijikata grabbed his scabbard and hit the amused man's face with all the strength he could muster. Hopefully his unharmed left arm would deliver the desired brutality.

"Fucking asshole!"

The samurai fell to the floor after a couple of unsteady steps. Various trails of blood ran down his features and his eyes were out of focus, swirling befuddled inside their sockets. He placed a hand against the nearest wall to regain balance but it was in vain. Hijikata kicked any harmful objects from the man's reach and handcuffed the defeated samurai before calling reinforcements.

"You know…" the man murmured out of breath. Hijikata who was communicating through the transmitter looked at him sideways without giving him much attention.

"Yeah, I got him. Send me a patrol car, a unit, anything damn it! I still have paperwork to do- yeah… sure whatever. I'm waiting!"

"You know… that man… you know… w-who he his… right?"

Hijikata concluded his call and lit a cigarette. He turned to the babbling brook with a disgusted look. He was done with stupidity for the day. What more could be in store for him? Perhaps he should knock the guy senseless. At least he wouldn't have to listen to more abashing mockery.

"Shut up" he told him.

"Hehehe-...hehe" the man coughed harshly unable to handle his own laughter "D-don't tell me… he tricked you?"

"What the hell are you mumbling stupid piece of shit?!" Hijikata scowled. He began to doubt if the man was really sane. Was he still talking about Gintoki? The topic was starting to repeat itself way too often for Hijikata's liking.

"That silver color… the white hair… it's slightly familiar…"

"Familiar?" Hijikata felt a twist of anger revolt in his stomach. He kicked the man in the gut hoping he would quiet down "I told you to shut up" he threatened.

"It reminds me… of him… the white devil-"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Argh!..."

Hijikata was shocked at his own lack of self-control. His foot collided with the man's upper body a second time almost unconsciously. The speech the man was spouting vexed the hell out of him. White devil? Who the fuck was that? Some kind of ghost or- Hijikata's eyes bulged. In front of his very eyes he could see flashes of the Shinsengumi archives. Even unwillingly he could recall the mention of a White Devil among the Jouishishi past actions' files. What was this man saying?! The beaten samurai coughed some blood and smiled wickedly again. Hijikata knew that the man was having his way with him.

"Haha… what was his name again?-… Saka? Sakamoto?" the man remained silent while racking his brain. Hijikata was awkwardly waiting; expecting something he really did not wish to hear. _Saka?_ His heart contracted painfully just at the sound of those two syllables.

"Sakata?... yeah… that was it…can't remember his first name though…"

Another squeeze scarred Hijikata. So it was true. That idiotic Yorozuya had really partaken in the Amanto war years ago along with the Joui faction. _Damn_. A strange sadness cradled Hijikata's mind. More than being torn between emotions, he felt an awful melancholy humble his spirit. It was something rounding the feelings of betrayal, though his or Gintoki's, Hijikata didn't know. What was it?

"That expression… suits your face… Vice-Commander-san… hah..ha"

"Listen to me, fucking asshole" Hijikata grabbed the man's collar fiercely and pummeled him against the wall. He pulled him by his hair and forced him to look in his direction.

"Listen well. If you spit out another word I'll-"

"You know what we called him?-"

Hijikata tightened his grip and rocked the man's head against the wall once again. A few drops of blood stained his scarf with the impact.

"I fuckin' warned you, piece of s-"

"Shiroyasha"

"…" Without warning an intangible spear pierced Hijikata. His features were not able to sustain their seriousness and though he didn't know exactly why he was so ridiculously shocked, he shivered.

"Speechless… are you-"

Hijikata's movement was quicker than his thought. He brought forth his sword with amazing speed and slashed across the man's chest with unknown emotions. Fear, anger, hatred… he wasn't certain. The only thing Hijikata felt sure of was the immense regret that followed that action. His body was paralyzed, deaf to any scream of pain or agony, his expression cold and unchanging, eyes hollow and darker than their usual deep shade of blue. A monster had been released along with a strange sense of foreboding. Hijikata Toshiro was mad.

"Vice-Commander! We're here! Where's the criminal? We'll take him into- Vice Commander is everything alright? You look- Aargh!" Yamazaki's yelp, though close, felt like an echo from miles away. He called Hijikata a few more times before the latter finally replied.

"He's bleeding to death. See what you can do" he told Yamazaki morosely.

"Y-yes sir!"

Another figure then popped up beside Hijikata. Someone he would have foreseen if he was his usual self.

"Hijikata-san, you're having way too much fun lately. Can't get carried away this easily"

"Sougo"

"Yes?"

"Bring me car. I'm going back to the barracks. I have paperwork to do" Hijikata said. He swung his sword in the air to get rid of the trailing blood and sheathed it

"Ok"

The drive home was silent and uneventful. Sougo spouted some quirky remarks but Hijikata felt too powerless and drained to retort anything back. The aura of despondency around him was overbearing and when they finally arrived at the barracks, not even Kondo's happy behavior helped. It only seemed to make matters worse by contrast.

"Welcome back Toshi! I heard you did a great job today!" the big gorilla man cried joyfully, putting an arm around Hijikata's neck. The latter nodded with his head.

"Just the usual" he said.

"Well, anyway, let's have some sake. We can began the inquiries tomorr-"

"I'm sorry but I have paperwork to take care of Kondo-san" Hijikata interrupted.

"Toshi? You're too tired to deal with those boring papers at this hour. Let's have a nice-"

"Kondo-san. I have to do it" he insisted. Hijikata got rid of Kondo's heavy arm and headed to his room.

"Ok Toshi, I give up, but tomorrow you're not escaping!"

"Sure" Hijikata said with a weak smile. At that moment a similar conversation replayed itself in his mind.

" _Tomorrow it is then!!"_

Gintoki's voice, which used to stupidly warm Hijikata's chest, now sprayed a rain of cold everywhere. The dark haired man ran a hair through his hair.

"Goodnight Toshi!"

"Goodnight"

Hijikata strolled to his room in a total blank: mind fighting between the urge to remember and the need to think. He was bad at balancing things. He was an extreme type of person.

"Are you sighting Hijikata-san?" Okita Sougo trailed behind unwavering.

"Disappear out of my sight"

"I'm just dumping these on your desk" Okita said innocently, gesturing to the pile of files in his hands. Hijikata grimaced.

"Just put them there and leave"

Sougo dropped the stack of papers on the table and stepped out of the room. He was just about to close the door when Hijikata spoke up.

"Don't go babble around" he said while stripping his jacket. Okita shot him an indifferent look.

"Babble, me? Don't joke Hijikata-san. You just killed a man"

"Sougo" Hijikata pressed alarmingly.

"Ok, ok, whatever. I'm outta here"


	4. Always Sleep With A Pillow So You'll Know You're In Bed

"So, what are we now? Dragon Quest IV partners? Pachinko buddies? Angry teenagers in arms? Hemorrhoid-suffering-gay failures? Just in case, I prefer the first-"

"Me" Hijikata interrupted Gintoki's speech with a pressing syllable "I'm Hijikata Toshiro, Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi and you…" he paused for a moment and brought the cigarette up to his lips. He conceded himself a few moments of concentration in order to find the best comeback possible and then shrugged his shoulders "…you're a nameless Yorozuya just like you were to begin with"

"Oh I'm honored you have me in such high regard"

"It's only fair enough"

"It is? I don't even deserve a name, do I?"

"I'm sick of your name. Who gives a shit?"

"I do obviously. I don't want to be called Jimmy-kun for the practical purpose of strangers. Also, Toshiro-kun does care, apparently"

"Don't bother addressing me that way anymore"

"No, don't worry it's not a bother" Gintoki half teased, half stated.

He didn't know how to canalize his anger. Such frustration didn't have a proper home in Sakata Gintoki nor was he used deal with its consequent outbursts. It was like a little scratch in the roof of his mouth that would heal if only he would stop tonguing it yet he couldn't. Gintoki couldn't shut up. He had to spread more cracks everywhere until he destroyed his target.

Hijikata frowned.

"And why's that? I don't get a name, I don't get to call other people by their names, this is a really messed up break up" Gintoki complained scratching the back of his neck lazily "I mean… it's not like I even know what the fuck this is all about. My context is non-existing actually"

"It's useless" Hijikata said dispassionately. He turned around indifferently and hid a hand inside his yukata. He was ready to leave.

Gintoki stared at the retreating back in silence. There was something off about it, about the blur clouding his eyes, the creepy sense of disbelief showering each and every single thing in sight.

"So this is it. You're going. Just like that… again"

Hijikata cocked his head to the side. He smirked.

"If you wanna come along prepare yourself for a long, solitary night in jail"

Gintoki suppressed a grin. The irony was overwhelming, though a rule of formality flashing in his conscience told him grinning wouldn't be the smartest thing to do at the moment and maybe it was right. Good to know some of his ideas were still at their best.

"You would arrest me?" Gintoki questioned nonetheless.

"It's not like I lack reasons to"

"I wonder…"

A sultry silence ensued. The atmosphere was so dense and heavy Gintoki could barely believe a poltergeist still hadn't materialized out of nowhere to slap him in the face. How the hell had that whole situation been brought forth anyway? Gintoki doubted he had ever had such an awful day. A calm cornucopia of smoke poured out from Hijikata's cigarette, ascending to the night sky as if in a peaceful slumber. What a marvelous way of contrasting the cascade of black flames that were erupting out Gintoki's soul and escaping to the outer world through his mouth. Not even a justaway could do better than that. After a few more minutes of timeless sensations Hijikata resumed his walk. Gintoki turned his back as well and disappeared.

He walked the path by the riverside alone. The water glowing eerily in the middle of the night reflected Gintoki's inner turmoil profoundly. A look over the surface was plenty enough. _So this is it?_ The question echoed in his mind amusingly. Gintoki wasn't sure how to approach the subject. There were millions and trillions of ways to interpret what had happened, just like there were millions and trillions of ways to play a RPG game. Each player had his style, his own way of overcoming the obstacles and going through the side quests. Which was Gintoki's? He was having a hard time discovering it.

Assembling thoughts, pondering life issues, stuff like that was supposed to be mechanical. It should not occupy any expendable time of Gintoki's day. People died one minute at a time hence wasting such precious time thinking about themselves had to be pretty damn selfish. Yet, Gintoki was a very selfish person to begin with. Whatever needs he had, he satisfied them. If there was some stupid idea stuck to his brain, he would go through with it even if that was the last thing he had to do. Strong beliefs, stupidity and courage summed him up fairly well. However, contrary to most selfish bastards walking the face of the Earth, Gintoki had an uncommon high survival rate and a very simplified way of life (being poor helped a lot). He enjoyed the essentials. Condensing all the crap there is at consumers' disposal into a few dozen things had to sooth the spirit somehow. That or Gintoki was a dumb walking contradiction, which would not surprise anyone at this point.

Either way, it could not be believed that one of his life commodities had just been terribly ruined. He was back to being your everyday Jump hero who does not get laid. Not a bad thing if you're in One Piece or Naruto, a very bad thing if you are in Gintama. Sure, there wouldn't be more feelings of guilt when appearing on Jump's cover but sacrificing sex was not fine. Gintoki enjoyed it! He was a human being for fuck's sake! _Can't control your Johnny all the time!_ Nevertheless, despite all this rant which probably does not justify anything, Gintoki's main train of thought led him to an awful conclusion: the thing with Hijikata had to reach an end someday and the short-lived scene earlier had been it. Simple as that. What was Gintoki still mulling over? The sole existence of Hijikata in his life? That would take infinity to comprehend.

"Gintoki?" someone whispered his name from the shadows. Gintoki looked around curiously.

"Poltergeist-san?"

"It's Gintoki. We're safe. Come Elizabeth"

A rustling sound followed the monologue and from behind a vending machine a slim samurai popped out, along with a big oval shadow behind him. Gintoki grimaced.

"Zura?"

"Not Zura, it's Katsura!"

"What do you want? Are you waiting for high school girls to pass by and lift their skirts, you pervert?"

"High school girls don't pass by here at this hour Gintoki"

"Exactly. It's easier in the dark of the night"

Katsura put a hand under his chin and closed his eyes in deliberation.

"Good point. You know your stuff Gintoki" he said.

The silver haired samurai grunted and crossed his arms behind his head "More stupid than Nobita… I'm going home"

"Hey, hey, hey! Gintoki wait" Katsura picked up his pace and Elizabeth followed behind "We're hiding from the Shinsengumi patrol. Enter the next bar you see, quick!"

The long haired terrorist pulled Gintoki and they stepped inside the first establishment in sight. The blinding pink and yellow lights, the cheap perfume and high-pitched giggling were disturbing. Gintoki was not in the mood for hostesses. Gintoki was not in the mood for fucking anything. He wanted to go home and be cool. There was a particular stage of zen meditation he was interested in achieving.

"Gintoki, are you awake? Oi, wake up!" Katsura said elbowing in him the stomach. Gintoki cursed.

"Shit, that hurt! Stop that Zura!"

"Oi Gintoki! GINTOKI!"

"I hear you, I'm not deaf!"

Elizabeth raised her portable white board. Gintoki strained his eyes to read:

WAKE UP DAMN ASSHOLE. YOU'RE DREAMING.

"Wha-?"

A flash beamed before his eyes.

Gintoki woke up at Otose's bar. It was dark and empty inside. Accounting for the warm yellow sunlight bathing the entrance one could guess it was around noon. Otose stood a few feet away washing dishes. The sound of running water filled the room. A major frown was deep rooted in her face. Gintoki shifted his gaze to the counter under his chin. There was a melting strawberry parfait stagnated inside a cup. He poked the floating strawberries to see if they were still edible and they wobbled at the spoon's touch.

"Oi, Gintoki stop playing with your food!" Otose grumbled annoyed.

The silver haired samurai poked the fruits sinking inside his parfait one more time and then looked up at the bar owner. She had reasons to be angry. As far as he could remember he had been slouched in the seat by the counter the whole morning, ranting about who knows what and then falling asleep. His dead fish eyes were creepier than usual and the spoon rocking slowly in his hand did not help the overall picture. Also, he had barely eaten anything apart from the parfait which explains why he did not fulfill any of Otose's requirements for an acceptable customer. Not that he ever did for that matter.

Catherine, who was smoking hidden in the shadows, kept mumbling death threats to the leech and while exhaling incredible amounts of smoke she sighed heavily like a yakuza boss. Gintoki wondered if perhaps her true intent was to asphyxiate him in that mist of nicotine, yet this idea was quickly tossed away. Thinking about nicotine and tobacco was too distractive considering Gintoki's recent comeback to reality. He couldn't help but feel an enormous amount of relief knowing it had only been a dream.

"Really. If you don't have anything to do, just go do nothing to your own house" Otose began chiding "Then you will have a reason to pay your rent as well" she said rashly, much like a wrestler delivering his final blow.

Gintoki slouched further in response and buried his head between his crossed arms over the counter. Green salient veins popped up throughout Otose's features at his reaction.

"Catherine" Otose called her employee and tried to maintain herself collected "Pass me the kitchen knife" she said.

Catherine emerged from the darkness and rustled through her kimono pocket. She bit the cigarette that was falling from her mouth and then took out a long bayonet from within.

"Here" she said gesturing to Otose.

The older woman nodded with a grin and grabbed the bayonet. Afterwards she turned to the mass of human organs and skin lying over her counter and pierced the wooden surface two millimeters away from Gintoki's head. Immediately, he rolled his head sideways and with bulging eyes jumped backwards to avoid a second assault.

"What the hell do you think you're doing with that big-ass thing?! Are you trying to kill me!?" Gintoki exclaimed shocked. Otose adjusted her grip on the bayonet and smirked.

"My establishment does not need the likes of you. Shoo!" she said with resurgent anger.

"I was eating my parfait, damn granny!"

"Damn WHAT?!-"

"Otose-sama!"

"Hmph" Otose grunted and placed the weapon on solid ground. Gintoki took that as a sign of peace and approached the counter once again. He glanced towards his parfait and grimaced at the contents spilled all over the shiny surface.

"Shit. Look at that… It's all wasted" Gintoki complained "I want my money back, oi-"

Otose threw him a glare and Gintoki ceased his fussing.

"You won't get another one for free so stop staring at it" she told him short on patience "Catherine, please clean that mess"

"Go die"

"CATHERINE! No payment for you this month, ingrate!"

"Ok, ok, I'm going…" Catherine agreed defeated. Otose sighed and lit a cigarette. Then she turned to Gintoki who was back to his slouching and procrastination.

"What about you? Don't you have work to do? Where are the two meerkats?" she asked crossing her arms.

"Kagura is out walking Sadaharu. No clue about Shinpachi" Gintoki informed quickly.

"And why the long face?"

At this Gintoki lifted his head slightly. It was a default human habit to feel startled when other people try to pry into somebody else's life.

"Who has a long face?" Gintoki retorted somewhat offended. His free hands were feeling the strange need to do something; to cover whatever nakedness visible. He was never this unsettled but that dream had discomposed the chief of his being. It had left a bad sense of foreboding in him, a kind of terrible omen no one expects to happen because it's so absurd.

"Don't piss me off. I know there's something wrong with you" Otose told him. Her elderly status gave her some mind reading powers.

"That's news to me" Gintoki replied stubbornly.

"You're quiet today. You didn't complain a thing until the stupid parfait got ruined. I'm not dumb Gintoki. Just spit it out. It's not like I never heard any customer's rants before, especially yours. They are never-ending. I think I've heard enough for a thousand lifetimes" she sighed "Edo is getting fuller and fuller of brainless idiots and aging dicks. Right, Catherine?"

The cat-like alien nodded with her head while unwillingly washing the parfait cup. Gintoki was beginning to feel itchy with the degree of estrogen in that conversation.

"So, are you going to tell me a non-interesting story or are you leaving that damned seat? I don't want you scaring off possible customers with the loser attitude" Otose said.

Gintoki was about to retort something smart when Shinpachi entered the bar.

"Good afternoon" he said politely.

"Not for me. This human failure has been leeching in here since morning. Take him away" Otose commanded.

"Take that piece of shit outta here and never comeback, four-eyes" Catherine said in an encore. Otose shot her a look and she retreated.

"Oi, oi, stop talking about me like I'm dog crap!" Gintoki said angrily "I'm still here!"

"You are?" Otose replied with crossed arms over her chest.

"Shut up, old-"

"Are you SURE you wanna finish that sentence?!"

"Otose-san! Gin-san! Calm down!" Shinpachi got in the way of the two arguing loudmouths and stretched his arms to separate them. Gintoki sat back in his seat and Otose put out her decaying cigarette.

"Take him away" she told Shinpachi again.

"Gin-san let's go. We have shopping to do. Come on, I told Kagura-chan to meet us at the store"

"Sure, sure. Let's go. Someone must have released the pigs from the farm. Sheesh-"

"WHY YOU!"

"Run Shinpachi ruunnnn!"

The two ran out of Otose's bar with such speed it could challenge an enraged bee. Otose ran after them for a few meters, bayonet wielded in her hand, but quickly gave up. Old age takes a toll on people. Two blocks away, Gintoki and Shinpachi finally ceased fleeing.

"Damned old hag! What's with grannies these days?! They put Orochimaru to shame!"

"Gin-san, what were you doing there anyway? Why didn't you go with Kagura?" Shinpachi asked him patiently.

"You think I'm gonna walk that giant dog around? Kagura needs to learn her responsibilities. Sadaharu is _her_ pet therefore _she_ has to take care of him, not _me_ " he said with emphasis. Shinpachi sighed.

"You have very convincing arguments when the situation doesn't suit you, Gin-san"

"One learns with life"

"It's enough now"

The two walked down the busy street towards the convenience store. Shinpachi tried to squirm through the masses of people and Gintoki kept badmouthing his landlady for the sake of speaking. If he stopped it would only result in more strange phobias.

"GINNN-CHAAANNN!" the scream of the Yato girl caught everyone's attention. Riding on top of Sadaharu she cleared her way through the crowded path easily.

"You won't believe this! Free sukonbu!" she yelled enthusiastically leaping down from the dog's back.

"Free?" Gintoki raised an eyebrow and looked at Shinpachi suspiciously.

"Uh-huh" Kagura nodded "This old lady told me she will pay in sukonbu if we fix her roof!"

"What?"

"Who wants sukonbu?!"

"I'm not doing it"

"Me neither"

Gintoki and Shinpachi shook their heads in disapproval, yet their opposition did not last long. A strange dark aura began emanating from Kagura while she massaged her knuckles.

"Who's. Not. Getting. Sukonbu?" she asked slowly.

"Hahahahaha, just joking, just joking" Gintoki said with a fake laugh.

"Of course we will fix her roof, right Gin-san?"

"Yeah, yeah! Who said we wouldn't? It must have been one of those mimics walking around town. Hahahahaha"

Kagura beamed a big happy smile and clasped her hands. She was easy.

"Yay! The lady said we could show up after lunch, so let's hurry!"

"We'll go shopping first and after lunch we'll head there" Shinpachi reasoned.

"Let's skip shopping, I'm dying with hunger. Shinpachiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm dying, please feed meeeeeeeeeeeeee" Kagura began begging like a pestilent beggar "Are you letting this poor young girl dieee like this? Rammeeennnnn, sooobaaaaaaa, omeleeet, riiiiiceeeeee, anythiiiinnnggg…"

"Fine, ok, ok. Let's go to that restaurant over there" Shinpachi agreed with a sigh. He could almost feel his wallet becoming lighter. Kagura rushed towards the small establishment instantly and Gintoki crossed his arms behind his head lazily.

"You're paying mine" he told Shinpachi seriously. The latter followed in a noisy fret.

As soon as they entered the restaurant Gintoki felt his bad omen sink deep in his shoulders. He looked around searching for the source of his agitation but, noticing nothing unusual, he shrugged the feeling aside. Perhaps it was an aftereffect of his dream. He sat across from Kagura and Shinpachi in a daze. A few minutes later a waitress finally stopped by their table and asked for their orders. Gintoki saw Kagura pointing to several meals in the menu and Shinpachi grimace the hell out of his mind. There was a surreal silence surrounding the scene. Was Gintoki going deaf? He ordered himself the cheapest meal and looked through the window to the street outside. He didn't remember suffering from claustrophobia either.

"Shit…"

"Something wrong Gin-san? Feeling ill?" Shinpachi asked.

"It's nothing-"

"Look! It's that disgusting sadistic piece of shit! Let me go! Let me go hit him!" Kagura suddenly yelled enraged.

In a flash Gintoki turned his head around to look at the disturbance. His heart was beating madly in his throat. Okita was sitting alone a few tables away. He had his sleeping mask on and was clearly taking advantage of Hijikata's absence to take a good nap. In front of him were two empty glasses and a mayonnaise bottle. Hijikata had to be there. The two of them must have arrived minutes ago so where could the stupid bastard be? The more Gintoki thought about him, the more he felt the need to see him. He scanned the room one last time and then decided to go check the restroom.

"Gin-san-?" Shinpachi threw the question but wasn't able to finish it.

"Toilet" Gintoki's answer might have been a monosyllable. His hurry was near tangible.

"Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I'm at him! I'm at him! I'm gonna shove Kaela Kimura's ass up his nostrils! Right nooow! Just look! Look at that face!"

While Kagura kept disrupting peace and gathering the general attention of the customers, Gintoki slipped subtly away. He walked towards the restroom almost out of breath. Insecurities and fears were crawling on his skin. He hated the fact he wanted to hit Hijikata in the face but couldn't. He wanted to rip him apart for causing those wicked dreams and making Gintoki feel that way. Feel things he knew he shouldn't.

"Damn it. It's too late now anyway…" Gintoki mumbled to himself.

As he approached the restroom, the door opened up by itself. A nervous, short man rushed out completely disheveled. He was buttoning up his pants and sweating all over. A shiver ran down Gintoki's spine with disgust. Old men liked to indulge in the strangest kinks inside public restrooms. Oddity was not restricted to otakus. Gintoki closed the door behind him and ventured further. Hijikata's crooked figure appeared promptly once the lonely stalls came into sight. He was standing in front of a mirror, hands resting upon the sink and head lifelessly facing down. The generic picture clearly pointed out Hijikata's bad, bad mood. The short old man must have been a victim of his wrath. Gintoki knew he was about to go down the same way. However, he didn't care much. His own selfishness and reassurance were more important.

"Didn't I tell you to get the fuck out-?" Hijikata growled. His head shifted slightly towards Gintoki but his dark hair clouded his vision thus preventing him from recognizing the latter. Gintoki smiled to himself an idiotic pathetic grin. Hijikata's coarse voice had that strange effect on him, if not directly, certainly in his mind.

"But I just got here" Gintoki replied innocently.

He was close enough to the Vice Commander to touch him, though Hijikata reacted with a violent jerk. His hunched back straightened up stiffly and his blue eyes poked out in alarm. Fortunately Gintoki was fast enough. He cradled Hijikata's face in his hands, so the bastard wouldn't run off, and kissed him. Nothing special at first. Hijikata's lips were soft as always and it felt real to the extent Gintoki needed to forget the stupid dream. Nevertheless, there was a cold detachment lingering as well. To put it in simple terms, Hijikata was not kissing back. He was frozen like a marble statue, paralyzed by whatever thoughts were swirling up in his head. It pissed Gintoki royally and he drew his tongue in the process. He licked Hijikata's lips to get some kind of response but it was in vain.

"Oi, what's with this cold greeting? Gin-san is trying over here" Gintoki complained. His usual stoic voice was back in his throat, echoing his regained confidence. Those were the wonders of a kiss, even a crappy one.

Hijikata was quiet in his spot assessing the situation silently. It was peculiar, maybe even rare. Hijikata always made a big tempest about everything. He was violent, he shouted and he showed his alluring raw emotions any day, any time. Gintoki didn't know what to decipher outside that context. The aloofness was a novelty to him.

"What?" he asked pouting. Hijikata's piercing stare gave him goose bumps.

"Why are you doing this?"

Although the question was simple and direct, Gintoki found himself fumbling with words. He was at a huge loss. What the hell was that brainless idiot spouting? A tinge of red threatened to color Gintoki's cheeks. He felt embarrassment corroding his insides.

"Doing what? Gin-san is a little hurt you know? Stop being an ass" Gintoki whined.

"I think it is about time we stopped this, perm head" Hijikata was dauntless and serene.

Gintoki lifted a quizzical brow. The dangerous line separating his anger and indifference was close to being crossed. The change was imminent.

"Stop? Did we start anything?"

Hijikata frowned at Gintoki's lax attitude.

"I'm not kidding, asshole" he said seriously.

"Me neither"

Gintoki was feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. He glanced at the mirror and surveyed Hijikata's profile attentively. What was wrong with the bastard? An important piece of information had to be missing Gintoki's knowledge. Did he skip a loop in time or something? _Shit._ Just when he had regained his coolness back another peeving nonsense had to pop out of nowhere. And what was that about "stopping"? Hijikata's futile attempts to avoid and sever ties with Gintoki were beginning to lose their count. Gintoki shook his head and sighed.

"You still haven't answered my question, dunce"

"Who's the dunce, shithole?! You're really annoying today! Did Maeda Ken rape you in your dreams? It's understandab-"

"Oi, who's being raped by that disgusting fuck?! Wanna die shit perm?!"

"I'll kill you first fucking Mayora!"

"Let me see you try piece of shit!"

They both lunged at each other's throats in rage yet Gintoki was able to push Hijikata into a stall given his privileged position. The dark haired man stumbled backwards clumsily and fell over the toilet top loudly. Gintoki followed, much to his personal happiness. His wrestling hands quickly shifted objectives and started traveling to dubious places not his own.

"S-stupid! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Hijikata bellowed.

"Loosening up Hijikata-kun. He is too stiff today~" Gintoki replied happily. He worked fast and so did his personality.

"Damn you! Who the hell is stiff, get the fuck off!" Hijikata was able to get rid of Gintoki's grip on his hips and then kneed him on the abdomen.

"Argh..!" Gintoki hurled painfully "Shit! Fucking bastard, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I told you to leave me the fuck alone!"

Apart from the temporarily blinding pain, there was a great deal of rage stinging Gintoki's body. Hijikata shoved him aside brutally and stepped out of the stall grasping his clothes.

"Where are you going? We are not finished" Gintoki told him strictly. He was clutching his side with one hand and reaching out for the Vice Commander with the other. The blow had been pretty effective. Luck didn't seem to be on Gintoki's side that day. Hijikata headed towards the door with utmost determination.

"The hell…"

"Wait, damn it!"

The silver haired samurai racked his legs and ran. He sprinted awkwardly inside the small restroom and slammed his back against the exit neutralizing Hijikata's escape.

"Move"

Usually Hijikata didn't have to say it twice. Any worthless scum of the Shinsengumi would have gotten their ass in gear and evanesced out of sight. Unfortunately, it was Sakata Gintoki he had to face at the moment. Life didn't come fair.

"I'm not done with you" Gintoki phrased clearly. His stare was locked with Hijikata's. The latter would have burned the eyeballs of a normal human if he could.

"Well, _I_ am done with you, so move the fuck aside"

"I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on"

"There's nothing going on"

"That's not what I see"

"Then you can see me leave this place right now, bastard!"

Hijikata seized Gintoki's collar with unpredictable strength. Maybe it was his nerves doing the work, maybe it was his way of handling things he could and did not want to explain. Gintoki sure as hell didn't know, but one thing was for sure: he was not bulging a millimeter until Hijikata spilled his beans.

"Excuse me? Sir? Could you move from the door? I can't enter" a polite voice reverberated from the other side; a costumer anxious to pee obviously. Gintoki smirked at Hijikata.

"How's it gonna be Hijikata-kun? Jimmy-kun over here needs desperately to take his piss. Hurry up"

Hijikata's fist came into swift contact with Gintoki's nose. If shoving him around hadn't worked, the standard violence had to work in some way. Thankfully, Gintoki was already used to it. Blood began trailing down his face and he wiped it with the sleeve of his kimono.

"You know, it will take more than that to make me bulge. In fact, you should use other methods. I will give you a hint Hijikata-kun, try using words. Maybe I'll get the message" Gintoki said. He tried to smile but the numbness spreading throughout his body did not make it possible.

"Very well" Hijikata cleared his throat "You know Yorozuya, I had been thinking about it for a long time, your looks kind of helped me, but a few days ago I got what I deserved for trusting an asshole like you" the Vice Commander's words floated around while he reached for his cigarettes.

"What's wrong with my trust? I just don't lend money to people… and I don't give it back either… until after some time" Gintoki replied honestly. It was strange watching him trying to find excuses that would please Hijikata, yet he couldn't help it. He didn't want to leave the damned restroom misunderstood.

"Hey! Sir! I really need to go-"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

The two conflicting samurai yelled in unison. The man on the other side stood quiet for a while.

"Anyway, where was I going… yeah, right. I can't trust a shitty ass like you" Hijikata repeated "I caught one of your former friends"

Gintoki remained silent. What was the bastard talking about?

"What friends?"

"Friends that call you Shiroyasha"

Was it Hijikata's voice that froze Gintoki from within or was it his own surprise? He was speechless despite any truth. Even if his past meant little now, Gintoki still needed to cover up. It was his choice.

"Why would you invent imaginary friends for me? I'm not that unpopular Hijikata-kun-"

"Oh very clever Yorozuya, dodging the subject. Don't worry, I'll catch you one of these days. Now get the fuck off my face"

It was incredible how each and every word vomiting out of Hijikata's mouth stunned Gintoki in unimaginable ways; ways that pained him deeper and deeper. The Hijikata that clung to his neck and showed him the most intimate of his sides. Double personality was the simplest of problems comparing to his. Consequently, Gintoki found himself relieving his dream.

"You would arrest me?" he asked.

"I don't lack reasons" Hijikata replied "You're just too lucky"

"I am? I wonder why"

Gintoki moved away from the door. He leaned against the nearest wall and let the man behind the door pass through towards the stalls. Hijikata took out a cigarette from his pack and proceeded to walk out of the room. He answered Gintoki before leaving though.

"That friend of yours is dead" he sneered.


	5. Hot Days and Slime Shouldn't Mix

As time passes, feelings of hatred towards those you are capable of cherish tend to diminish. Hijikata whirled around a web of suffering and anger for weeks. Take someone who has a bad disposition to begin with and observe how things develop even slower than they are supposed to. Solitude does not comfort a troubled soul but it does help soothing a troubled mind. Hijikata soon learned how his loneliness was able to clear a lot of things off his head. Not work, not the Shinsengumi, not his devotion to everything that was righteous and moral, but his seclusion and isolation from all trifles and insecurities. Being away, separated from Gintoki was actually quite good, quite refreshing, but Hijikata was sure time would never heal his wounds: the sting of the enraging betrayal and the foolishness of his own actions. He would certainly never forgive himself for the latter. He couldn't possibly, in any way, not even if he managed to gather the dragon balls and call Shenlong. It was his selfish resolve, a kind of personal punishment for being stupid. Nonetheless, as days went by, Hijikata found himself becoming unusually restless. He was having breakfast one morning when Kondo appeared and, after a warm greeting to his soldiers, sat beside him with a big grin.

"Good morning, Toshi!" he said cheerfully, patting Hijikata on the shoulder.

"'Morning"

They ate in silence for a few minutes before the casual conversation about the police force ensued; Hijikata gave his directives, Kondo evaluated them and vice-versa. They reviewed the plans they had for the day, dispatched the troops and ordered around. Okita was unwillingly sent off to patrol a shady district near Kabuki and, by the end of the morning gathering, only Hijikata, Kondo and a dozen Shinsengumi officers were left in the barracks. The two high ranking officials then retreated to Kondo's room, by the invitation of the Captain himself, and stayed there chatting for a while. Kondo gave Hijikata the latest developments in his pursuit of Shimura Otae and Hijikata listened quietly and solemn as always. His interest in the business was the same as that of Char fucking Aznable. Yet, he stood by.

"…and that was what I did. Just that. I'm sure the time to reap the fruits of my labor will soon come. What do you think, Toshi?" Kondo said excited. His countenance had all the courage and confidence his mind lacked.

"If you say so" Hijikata answered dully.

"Of course! Hahahaha!" Kondo allowed himself a few moments of weird laughter before turning to Hijikata once again.

"So, Toshi! What about you? Some men have been telling me you have not been yourself lately"

Hijikata turned sullenly towards Kondo. His face held the usual angry frown and annoyed expression he always had at his disposal. His mind did the math quite quickly and plans to send the unfortunate subordinate to commit seppuku were instantly created.

"Who told you that?"

"What does it matter? No one in particular, it is the general idea of the men" Kondo replied, shaking the question aside with a wave of his hand. Hijikata shot him another glare but ceased his enquiry. He would not leave the damn gossip-spreader alone though.

"Come on Toshi, tell me all about that gloom! I can't have a magnificent right-arm like you on low spirits, you know? I need you in top shape to handle the paper work and keep the Shinsengumi in order, right-"

"I'm fine" Hijikata said determined. He would not allow himself to be a burden to Kondo. The nerve-racking worry was bothering him beyond normal.

Hijikata took out a cigarette and opened the sliding door that led to the porch outside Kondo's room. As soon as he stepped outside a wave of hot air engulfed his face. Summer was on the corner, but the days were already burning hot.

"It's damn hot" Hijikata cursed while taking of his jacket.

"Wait a second Toshi" Kondo got up and fetched a fan. He turned it on and then joined Hijikata by the porch "Much better…"

"Yeah"

"Anyway, you're still depressed over that raid three weeks ago?"

Hijikata shuddered slightly at the sudden mention.

"No, of course not"

It was a lie. Lie, lie, lie. Hijikata knew very well that the stupid raid was the reason for almost everything. It had been the trigger to his change of mindset and his new found disappointment. Moreover, none of the recollections he had of that night haunted him more than the disastrous moment of his lack of self-control. The death of the group's head was the most disgruntling of memories. The bare idea behind it slapped Hijikata in the face and he had difficulty accepting it. It was the perm's fault; it was Hijikata's own fault for letting the damn crook get comfortable. He knew it. He knew it so well he flushed with anger.

"Don't let it get to you Toshi. You've been through worse. Besides, you obviously know the danger of those violent incursions. It is our job. I'm sure you're aware of that, _you_ better than anyone else. So, put it behind your back. There are always casualties, be it civilians, comrades, even thieves, criminals and Joui members. Our world revolves around death. The death of morals, ethics, groups, organizations… Bodies are the least of our problems. As long as we don't lose sight of our purpose and our honor, we should not let our fears weaken our resolve. Brighten up!" Kondo patted Hijikata's shoulder once again.

Hijikata nodded with his head and faintly smiled. He felt moved. Ever since he met him, Kondo had had that strange mystical power of touching people's hearts. He could be a simpleton and an idiotic stalker most of the times, but his great heart and upstanding conduct were worthy of nothing but respect. Hijikata acknowledged that with pride and such bond boosted his confidence greatly.

"Thank you Kondo-san, but I really am fine. There's no need to believe such-"

"AAH! Don't tell me! It's a woman! I knew it! I knew it!"

Remember that part about Kondo being a simpleton and idiotic stalker? Forget it. _He is a fucking moron!_ Hijikata gasped ungracefully and almost dropped his cigarette on the floor. He turned to Kondo, who was sitting at his right on the porch, and began to refute the stupid assessment.

"What the hell are you saying? It's none of that!"

"No, no, no. You're denying it as well. It must be! Aaaah, so that's why Okita is so fidgety lately. You're betraying the memory of his sister with another young lady-"

"I AM NOT!"

"Yes, yes, yes. You see, you can't do that and expect poor Okita to understand. He was and still is very attached to Mitsuba-san. You have to forgive him-"

"I have to WHAT?"

"Hahaha! Don't worry, don't worry. It's not like Okita will kill you or something!" Kondo laughed amused as if the subject was the most entertaining drama of all time. Hijikata grimaced at the irony. The conversation had approached the most delicate of topics and even though he was denying it reasonably, Kondo's notion was not very far from the actual truth. Conclusion: Hijikata was sore, uncomfortable and blushing the hell out of his cheeks. Not an overall convincing countenance.

"So, tell me all about her!" Kondo said with a small writing pad in his hand and pen in the other.

"What the hell! There's no _her_ , nothing! You're wrong. It's nothing like that!"

"Aaah, come on Toshi… you can trust your old friend, come on! Please, please, please, please-"

"The Shinsengumi Commander should not plead like that. Stop the degrading attitude!"

Kondo pouted childishly in a corner.

"Toshi is cruel… Toshi is mean…"

"Toshi is leaving!" Hijikata announced angrily. He stood up and threw his cigarette away.

"You're going on patrol with this heat?" Kondo asked between fake sobs. Hijikata nodded and stepped inside. He did not bother to give a decent explanation or justification for his sudden leave. Nonetheless, he was not far from the first tatami mat when Kondo interrupted him once again.

"OOOOH! YOU'RE MEETING HER IN SECRET! Very clever Toshi! Don't worry! I won't tell anyone! Any woman you choose must be really lucky! Such a considerate lover like you! Go away! Go ! Go on! Tell me all about it later!"

Hijikata slammed the door shut in front of Kondo's face in the dim hope of slicing the pervert's mouth halfway. Then, he hastened the hell out of the room and sent a murderous stare to any living passerby. It was his intention to silence the barracks about their Commander's delirious ideas, if not by meaningful glares, by the use of his sword.

* * *

It was half past two in the afternoon and Hijikata was cooling himself in the back seat of a patrol car.

The scorching sun was burning every human being and flammable tissue in sight. It was a wonder Edo wasn't a sea of flames by this time, yet, such hell could perhaps be explained by the narrator's need to use exaggerating description for dramatic effect. Yamazaki and Harada were currently missing the advantages of having a patrol car at hand. Hijikata had sent the first to a convenience store in a food-supply run and, shortly afterwards, the driver, Harada, to supervise and ascertain the delay of the first. Hijikata could have gone after Yamazaki himself but with that awful disturbing weather he was gambling on the chance Yamazaki might die before he even got there. This intelligent measure did not prevent him from dispatching Harada though. He had to at least look like an organized superior.

In all the triumph of his judgmental choices and cool breeze from the air conditioner, the Vice Commander leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes for a quick nap. It was impossible to get any work done in that kind of suffocating heat, not to mention in the absence of his subordinates. When he was done with these self-assuring thoughts, the car door opened up in protest. They would not let him rest today.

"Took you long enough Yamazaki! I thought Harada would bring back your corpse, miserable little piece of sh-" Hijikata's eyes opened to a not so wonderful sight as Yamazaki's depressing face "What the hell do YOU think you're doing?" it was the only arrangement of words he could fish from his pool of programmed sentences.

Gintoki's nonchalant face was gone from this world. All he had to present were misery and pain from the burning hot weather. Sweat came out of his every pore and his slimy hands were giving Hijikata nightmares.

"Stop! Stop! Don't touch anything!" he yelled with disgust "Look at that! What the hell have you been doing? Shit, that's gross, no- OI! I told you not to touch the seats! No, no… damn it! Why the hell did you come here? Out, out! You're sliming the whole car!"

"Cooling down" Gintoki answered calmly. He wiped the clammy hands to his working outfit and then leaned against the car seat "Have you checked the temperature today? I bet you haven't" he said "If you were actually patrolling _outside_ like you ought to, then you would understand Mr. Policeman" he added quite offended.

"Shut up and get out!" Hijikata told him again. He couldn't get his eyes off the trails of sweat running down Gintoki's neck. Those damn curls were pouring out slime.

"Am I disturbing you that much?" Gintoki teased with half a smile.

Hijikata's brow twitched. Was it supposed to be a freaking rhetorical question or what?

"Of course you are! Drenched in repulsive sweat! Look at that! You look like Cell spit you out!"

"Shut up! No one asked your opinion, slacking bastard! You think it's fun to be enjoying yourself in your mighty second-rate air conditioner while people pass out on the street with heatstroke, eeeh?"

"Silence ingrate! That still doesn't explain why you're _here_!"

"I'm on a break of a so-called activity named _work_ " he emphasized "Fixing damn busted roofs, your kind likes to blow up!"

"Yoouuuu!"

"Whhaaaat?"

By this time they were both clinging to each other's collars to indulge in a good fight, but the heat plus the awkward closeness soon destroyed that plan.

"Do as you like, I don't fucking care" Hijikata said dismissively, letting go of Gintoki and returning to his seat.

"I'm just taking a nap and appreciating the air conditioner. It's my afternoon break after all. Some people do work, you know?"

Hijikata felt a vein pop up in his forehead.

"Are you going to keep implying stupid shit?"

"Probably"

"Out"

"No, no, no. I was joking. See, I'm enjoying the coolness" Gintoki recomposed himself and sighed.

The silver perm stood silent for a while. Hijikata checked the time and prayed to whatever entity to please bring Yamazaki or Harada's asses back in the car. How long did it take to buy drinks and mayonnaise anyway? Were they building the fucking vending machine from nothing? Hijikata began pondering whether or not he should commit his subordinates to seppuku when Gintoki broke the silence.

"So, long time no see-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can't you see I'm thinking? Don't interrupt" Hijikata said in one breath. He didn't have the minimum desire to speak to the goddamn Yorozuya. However, the longer the silence persisted, the more awkward it got. Hijikata began feeling the startling realization of having Gintoki inches away from him. It was disgruntling to say the least. All his new resolutions and anger could not elude him. His heart and mind were exponentially affected. The restlessness of the previous days was redoubled.

"Can I ask you something?" Gintoki tore the quietude again.

"No. Stay quiet or leave"

"But I won't be able to stay quiet if I don't ask you this and my break just started too"

"What are you? A five year old? I'm ignoring you jackass"

"Oi"

Hijikata felt a hand tugging his sleeve. He turned around to push Gintoki's sweaty hand away but the latter had already pulled it back.

"W-what?" Hijikata asked in discomfort.

"Do you miss me?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"If I didn't ask you, you would never answer and I would never know. It's called communication for some reason"

"Who wants to communicate with a bastard like you?"

"Well, there is a bastard _I_ want to talk to. How am I to solve my tragedy?"

Gintoki's gaze caught Hijikata's mercilessly. The latter could not shift his look anywhere else nor could he ignore the bothersome honesty flowing out of Gintoki. It was bittersweet and Hijikata could not handle it. His regrets came back to pierce him from all angles again and it felt horrible. Why couldn't that silver haired asshole stay away like he had told him to? It would have eased Hijikata's life a whole lot. These strange moments would never have to happen!

"Oi, are you ignoring me? You know you can't" Gintoki said tugging Hijikata's sleeve one more time.

"Stop doing that! Go cool down someplace else!"

"I demand a reply, stubborn asshole!"

"I cut ties with you, traitor son of a bitch, now get out!"

"Oh you're still going on about that…"

"Don't talk like you don't have anything to do with it!"

Gintoki smiled sadly and shifted his gaze to the side street. Hijikata wanted to hit something.

"A lot happened. I'm won't deny it, but you don't have any proof either"

"For now" Hijikata answered determinedly. There was a subtle underlining message in the conversation that was slowing his thought-process. Did Gintoki want to prove himself or to find out what the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi was doing? Was this some sort of inquiry? Hijikata cursed mentally at his own distrust.

"So I'm guilty regardless of any excuse? You really are Shinsengumi material"

"Hmph... whatever"

"Not _whatever_! Are you blaming my past? My beliefs don't have anything to do with you, selfish asshole!"

"I'm the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi. It's my duty to arrest Joui scoundrels. Period"

"What does that have to do with anything? You're not your job"

The comment startled Hijikata. He looked at Gintoki to see what expression he held but he was nonchalant as always. Hijikata could not even begin to understand what was going through the other man's head.

"It's really sad you feel that way though… I forgot the workaholic you are" Gintoki rambled on. He crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. Meanwhile, Hijikata remained silent. He didn't have anything smart to say either.

"So?"

"So what? Isn't your break over? Leave!" Hijikata replied automatically. His ears were turning unexpectedly red. All the things Gintoki said were twisting his reasoning terribly.

"So, do you miss Gin-san or not?" Gintoki asked with one eye opened curiously.

"Weren't you going to sleep or whatever? Shut up" Hijikata blabbed disgruntled. The air conditioner had to be broken surely. When had it become so hot inside?

Gintoki smiled to himself.

"Ok" He said blankly. He leaned back, slouched in the seat and closed his eyes completely once again.

Hijikata simply refrained from glancing at him. It would not do his conscience any good. He rummaged inside his jacket for his cigarettes yet suddenly quit. He would have to open the window and the suffocating heat would not be very welcome. Besides, even if he did open the window, the stupid asshole was also inside the car and would start whining like a girl. Hijikata left the pack alone.

"You're not smoking? Is it because I'm here? No need to be so thoughtful"

"Silence!" Hijikata replied immediately. He refused to let his politeness go unmasked.

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Why did you come here anyway? Where are the kids?"

"Who? Kagura and Shinpachi?"

"Yeah, China and four-eyes. You're not with them?" Hijikata breathed with relief. He had been successful at changing subjects.

"Kagura stole my spot under the dango place" Gintoki started in his usual pissed of tone "That was my shade! I told her that was my shade! Damned mountain-gorilla-! Oi! Asshole! Don't smile! No laughing here! This is no funny matter! That was my shade! I won it at rock-paper-scissors! You can't steal the spot of the rock-paper-scissors' winner! Damn Kagura, must be her revenge for last time… I didn't want her spot. I didn't, but it was the only one left and she wasn't there guarding it, you know? You have to guard your shade or else someone's prone to take it-"

Hijikata shrugged his shoulders and grunted.

"I don't care. Go back to your fake sleep"

"What the hell, it was my shade…" Gintoki mumbled before shutting up completely.

A few minutes passed by in silence and soon Hijikata was buried in his thoughts and Gintoki sleeping peacefully. The calmness was truly addictive; it didn't take long until Hijikata felt his own eyes become heavy as well. Gintoki's head eventually came to rest on Hijikata's shoulder and the latter finally succumbed to slumber. Perhaps it was the sugary scent emanating from those silver curls, perhaps it was the hot day… Hijikata didn't really care.

He woke up to Harada's call. The bald officer was in the driver's seat bowing his head non-stop and repeating a thousand apologies for the delay.

"I'm sorry Vice Commander. I went to the toilet for a few seconds, but there was a huge line and-"

Hijikata did not listen to a third of what was being said. He was too busy examining the place where Gintoki had been sleeping not five minutes ago and smelling the lingering sweet scent that kept him company in the back seat.

"Sir, are you listening?" Harada questioned shyly. Hijikata merely nodded.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Let's go" he ordered.

"Yes sir but- ah! It's Yamazaki!"

The younger officer ran towards the patrol car. He opened the door to the back seat and Hijikata's eyes bulged out. His instincts were stronger than his mind when it came to protect the remains of Gintoki's presence. He kicked Yamazaki in the gut and projected the younger man a few feet away.

"Where the hell do you think you're sitting, maggot? Don't open the fucking door!"

Yamazaki looked at him perplexed.

"S-sorry V-Vice-Commander, b-but w-where-?"

"FOOT! Go on foot, fucking idiot!"

Hijikata stretched his arm and closed the door shut. He sent Harada a devil's glare and the baldy stepped on the accelerator.

"Seppuku for you when you get back!" Hijikata yelled at Yamazaki through the window.

While driving towards the east side of town, Hijikata and Harada met a big apparatus near the amusement park. People and policemen were huddled together, some pacing in and out of the crowd. It was the most convenient of times for such a racket. Hijikata began fearing his own conscience and thus, work was always a good distraction from his personal agitation. He walked straight through the multitude of people and entered the main area where none other than Katakuriko Matsudaira stood, surrounded by two police cars, one limousine and a few Shinsengumi officers. At the moment of this acknowledgment Hijikata thought seriously of retreating, however, catching a glimpse of Kondo he felt obliged to proceed.

"Ah! Look! It's Toshi!" Kondo's call turned every look towards Hijikata. The later felt like imploding.

"Hijikata, uh?" Matsudaira snorted. Hijikata nodded and bowed his head slightly. He was regretting his decision as the nanoseconds trailed by.

"So how was it, Toshi? Your dat- UGH!"

Hijikata elbowed Kondo's side with all the strength he could muster. The last thing he needed was for Matsudaira to know he had some kid of lover. He would probably decapitate him for betraying his daughter's honest feelings or something. Hijikata had not forgotten that story and neither did his superior surely.

"Good thing you're here" Matsudaira said. Hijikata could see his eyes looking at him behind the expensive sunglasses "I have a little mission for you"

Hijikata turned to Kondo who was still crouching and clutching his injured side. What the hell was Matsudaira talking about? Hopefully it would not be another nutty daughter-centered job.

"I need you to go on a recruiting trip down south" Matsudaira said. He gestured to one of his underlings and he brought him a couple of papers.

"Here. I have already talked with Isao about it. He agrees with it"

Hijikata accepted the documents and, once they were in his hands, he took a peek at them. The first page was a list of cities and towns he was supposed to attend to and the other papers were mostly bureaucratic stuff, permits and more extensive directives.

"W-when was this decided?" Hijikata managed to ask. He was taken-aback, numbed, utterly shocked with the news.

"About half an hour ago. I came here to _see_ my daughter and then I bumped into Isao-"

"You were following her, sir-" Kondo tried to tell the truth but the attempt earned him another violent hit, this time on the crotch.

"Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir…." His voice succumbed to a bare whisper.

"Anyway, that's not important. You're to depart tomorrow. Take a few men with you and try to return soon. I don't want to leave your bunch of assassins to Isao alone for long" he muttered. After that, Matsudaira turned his back and walked towards the amusement park. Hijikata was positively pale.

"How soon?" he asked.

"One or two months sounds good to me. Try not to bring too many dimwits though…"

"Y-yes sir"

It was a very hot day.


	6. Sometimes Your Feelings Resemble A Tutti-Frutti Milkshake

At first it had been brutal. Life-changing, shocking, inconceivable. Gintoki did not have words to describe what was happening and he sure as hell didn't have the discernment to understand _why_ it was happening. Not to mention the total lack of context and reasons which were not fully given to him. He had tried to comprehend what was going on inside Hijikata's head numerous times but he always failed to grasp what was most important. The damned Shinsengumi dog always had to keep something hidden and covered. It was obvious that Gintoki's attempts to put things together were quite futile. It had to do with their personalities and with the things Gintoki hid himself, though those were not hid by necessity. Gintoki's life was a mystery simply because no one asked and no one cared. He wasn't fond of the concept of getting arrested either so the indifference people gave him actually worked well for him. At Edo, Gintoki never knew when he might get jailed for the stupidest reason, even for a past that was done, buried and forgotten.

Nevertheless, the whole business about his past was not his main concern. It had never been. It involved another kind of matter which he also wanted to forget, matter such as "Stupid Asshole's Crazy Shit". Where the hell had that fucking Mayora apprehended those irrelevant facts? Gintoki was still hammering down the issue even after a whole month had passed. It was driving him clearly insane. What kind of friends did he have left from those days? Positively none. Gintoki didn't need an eidetic memory to recall what had happened to all his comrades. His brain and body still offered him nice concrete proof of that. No one he might have given his life for had been left. He was sure of that. Yet, the fact some people still remembered Gintoki's old ways was not preposterous. It was likely, reasonable, maybe surprising, but it was not the end of the world. Who even cared about that shit? Those miserable little rats that clang to the old days were nothing but shadows living in the past. Gintoki had absolutely nothing to do with them. He had ditched those kinds of bonds a long time ago. Besides, he was happy with his current situation. It was awfully troublesome, but most times it paid off. So, what the fuck was the problem? Why had everything crumbled to shambles and been eradicated off sight? Because the fucking imbecile had to ruin everything with that gigantic ego of his and all his insurmountable amounts of pride. Gintoki's trust had been disapproved not once but twice. He had been accused of treason not once but twice. Hijikata had showered him with his baseless assumptions and Gintoki had been rendered useless, with no chance to fight back or defend himself. Facing the damned princess was indeed a pretty callous challenge.

Notwithstanding, all that stood by Gintoki afterwards were frustration and penitence. A kind of regret he didn't even comprehend why he had it and a strange form of guilt that had nothing to do with the event. Such feelings were a constant remembrance of his stupidity and a strong argument he liked to empower himself with during his inner debates. As for the material world, Gintoki had done atrociously during the first weeks after the clash. His violent tendencies had reached their limit and his natural apathy had been drained from his body. Losing his conduct had done him good in a sense it allowed him to reboot his mindset. There was no acceptable circumstance at the time that would have enabled Gintoki to face Hijikata coolly. Shinpachi and Kagura had also dealt badly with the ill humor. All the rancor and hatred Gintoki bore poured out of him uncontrollably so, eventually, he was forced to sooth his temper and go back to normal. He wasn't the kind of guy to allow his poor judgment to affect others, especially the kids. Although annoying and loud, they did not deserve any kind of the adult crap Gintoki had fed them during two weeks. He acknowledged that.

Thus, the wretched event dissipated from his thoughts after a while. The Jump-Parfait-Sugar universe had its coherency restored and the habits didn't take long to kick in. Gintoki was up and around, working for pennies and kindness, dealing with crazy Edo people all over again, all hours, all days, all perfectly fine. Until a certain day. A particularly hot day that brought forward all the shit he had just put behind his back. Gintoki would have cried with horror and cowered in a dark pit if not for the irony and hilarity of the moment. The way his life kept running in circles was too funny to ignore. Moreover, that gaiety was not the sole contriver to his regained stability. A pathetic erratic heartbeat belonging to an even more pathetic heart could not be neglected either. It was too strong, too tempting, too right. The trigger was begging to be pulled and Hijikata was just too alluring to reject.

Gintoki dived into the scene free of charge, completely devious, unafraid. His state of mind was that of a person who had nothing to lose. To be frank, Gintoki really didn't have anything more to lose given what had happened between him and the shitty Vice-Commander. Unfortunately, things did not go well. Things never went the right way but this time it had been in a complete reverse style. There had not occurred a single thing in that car that had not been enjoyable. Every second had been disarming, worth of treasuring. It had stunned Gintoki with a myriad of feelings he missed. His plan was proven flawed and so were his expectations. He discovered that his memory of Hijikata had remained unblemished and the latter's position in his affections had not been the least bit demeaned. How disquieting it had been. How disgruntled Gintoki had felt. What could he have done? He regretted it all so much. The heavy feeling left after the re-encounter became a part of his body. He carried it everywhere. It was a new kind of incurable cancer. Such was Gintoki's final diagnose. He had to be sick. Sick, sick, sick, sick. Sick to the marrow of his bones.

Apart from banging his head repeated times against the wall of his room, a whole row of self-inflicting, self-damaging actions were done in order to forget what had happened. At some point Gintoki didn't know if he was happy or sad anymore. He had to contain his hysterical laughs not to scare Kagura or creep out Shinpachi. They didn't know. Nobody knew. Just Gintoki and Hijikata. And how well it sounded, how fitting. Gintoki should have just jumped the blushing bastard and done him till the car perished to the ground.

"So stupid!" he yelled to himself while slapping his own forehead.

Gintoki was running out of options. All he did lately regarding the issue was replaying the incident and fantasying an infinite number of outcomes that would have satisfied him. It was stronger than him, it was an urge that rivaled the one he had had the first time he had taken Hijikata. Not his fault. Not his fault at all.

"Natural human behavior!" Gintoki screamed out loud once again.

This time Kagura slid open the door to his bedroom and stuck her head inside.

"Shut up idiot! I'm trying to sleep, natural perm behavior!" the Yato girl yelled back half-asleep. Then she shut the door and returned to her slumber. Sadaharu shot a nasty glare at Gintoki before disappearing behind his owner as well.

Gintoki pouted slightly before resuming his daydreaming.

* * *

"Gin-san! Gin-san!" Shinpachi ran past the front door with amazing speed. His sandals flew off his feet almost by themselves and he entered the living room disgruntled and sweaty. Kagura and Gintoki kept their stare glued to the television, ignoring the frantic youngster.

"Gin-san! Kagura-chan! Listen, listen! Aneue just got us a job at Snack Smile! Let's go! Get your things. Hurry hurry! What the hell are you doing, let's go!"

Kagura took a piece of sukonbu from her little box and took her time chewing on it slowly. Gintoki scratched his belly lazily and slouched even further on the couch. Shinpachi could clearly understand the mood in the room.

"You pair of blockheads! How the hell do you expect to pay the last two months' rent, useless idiot? And you! Eating monster! Do you expect to die of hunger? They'll pay us really good! The bar is having a big feast tonight! They need extra hands. Aneue called me a few minutes ago" Shinpachi explained while waving his hands. He was trying to produce some kind of response from the two mellow beings in the room.

"Snack Smile? What do you expect me to do? Wear that stupid kimono and extensions and walk around like a stupid okama? Not in this life. Never again" Gintoki mumbled annoyingly. He extended his hand to grab the TV remote but Shinpachi was quicker than him.

"Gin-san! It's just this one time! And you'll be paid as well! What's there to even think about?"

"Oi Pachi-boy, you may not mind walking around in your bra but I have a reputation to protect" Gintoki frowned angrily and with a quick movement got hold of the remote. Shinpachi let out a satirical laugh.

"Haha! Are you kidding me, asshole? What good is your reputation for if you don't even have a roof to live in? Just shut up and help me out! Just this time!"

"You said that the last time, oi!"

"But now it really is the last time! Aneue asked me so we are doing this!" Shinpachi pressed furiously. Gintoki snorted and Kagura finally intervened.

"Pachi-boy watch out that sister complex of yours, will ya?"

"Shut up! Don't you want to wear those expensive looking kimonos and use some lipstick Kagura-chan? It's now or never!" Shinpachi told her. He knew the pampering and makeup was her weak spot thus as soon as he saw Kagura's eyes gleaming with future expectation he knew he had won this.

"GIN-CHANNN PLEASEEEE~~~~~"

Kagura's effective ways, rounding aggression and imposition never faltered.

* * *

The Snack Smile bar was as bright and welcoming as usual, though when the Yorozuya group arrived it was still mildly empty. There were a few hostesses gracefully walking around to half a dozen clients with the usual Don Péri and snacks. Gintoki noticed a big deserted area with lots of reserved signs gleaming about every single table. Someone was going to party big time for sure. He couldn't help but wonder what the occasion was. Maybe it was some Amanto big shot that had decided to show up at the Red District to make some shady business under the pure and naive lights of the hostess bar, maybe it was some old man who had actually gotten lucky at lottery or some pervert who struck gold at the pachinko parlor. Gintoki hoped Hasegawa wasn't the man. He could behead the useless jerk with jealousy alone.

"Over there" said the short girl who was guiding them. She motioned to a small room at the end of a corridor and nodded her head sweetly. Shinpachi bowed severely to hide his blush and Gintoki and Kagura went ahead after a quick nod. Next they dressed their kimonos and joked around with pillows and melons for abusive boob-usage until a couple of hostesses came to their aid. They helped with the makeup and hairstyle and gave Kagura a few extra hair accessories.

While they chatted happily, Gintoki stared back at himself in the mirror. He was so lost in his own musings he did not even see the weird hints Shinpachi sent him. He was thinking about a bunch of useless stuff and ridicule memories of his past. He remembered the last time he had been at the hostess bar, how Matsudaira had dragged the Shogun along and sent the Shinsengumi into a bustling craze over the event, how Hijikata had not even bothered to enter the place. He wondered what the bastard would say if he saw him like this. How funny would that be? He probably would not even recognize him since the two girls had done such an amazing job. Maybe one of them had a crush on Gintoki? Yes, it was possible. He saw one of them checking him out when he entered. Hey! What if Hijikata did not recognize him and sent him a look as well? Gintoki smirked at the thought. It was hilarious. However, his unblinking gaze and sneering expression were now altogether quite scary and the two hostesses fled the room as soon as they finished Shinpachi's braids. The latter glared deeply.

"Oi, Gin-san! What the hell do you think you're doing? Could you at least blink your eyes, you were starting to freak me out! Those girls even ran away!" Shinpachi scolded him with embarrassment.

"Sorry, I was thinking about this new menu with free parfait and extra chocolate at that place near the-"

"I don't care!" Shinpachi cut his rambling immediately "You should at least have the decency to listen to what Ayane-san and Hana-san were saying! It was important…"

Gintoki rolled his eyes and tried to focus on the subject. For some reason he was really detached from the world today. It had to be the freaking okama soul prying into his male shield.

"Yeah, yeah, what were they saying, Shinpachi-kun? Were you persuaded by your pubescent hormones into their girly ways?"

"Asshole! You're really pissing me off today!"

"I get it, I get it…" Gintoki poked one of his fake boobs and glanced around. He soon found Kagura eating all the buns from a little plate the two girls had brought. "Oi, Kagura, stop that! Leave me one! Damn mountain-gorilla!"

"Gin-san! Oi-!"

Their loud discussion was suddenly interrupted by a thunderous kick on the door. It slammed open and the almighty figure of Shimura Otae came into view. Her professional hostess smile was in check but the forest of throbbing veins in her forehead presented a humor much different from the previous observation. She cleared her throat cutely and then stepped inside once the silence pleased her.

"I'm glad you were able to come. We really appreciate your help, Gin-san" Otae said calmly before turning to Kagura "Oh my! Kagura-chan you look so cute. Did Ayane-san do your hair? It's splendid"

"Thank you anego! I really like it!" Kagura replied happily.

"I'm glad you do" Otae then turned to Shinpachi and Gintoki several degrees colder and more distant. She looked as if she wanted to patch things up. "So, you know why you're here today right? That shit-face gorilla and his scum are holding some kind of party and we're the poor souls who have to endure it" she almost spat Kondo's name as she referred to him "The Superintended called a couple of days ago announcing their sudden request. Must think he's that important, damn bastard, cocksuc-!"

"Aneue!" Shinpachi proceeded to quiet down his sister with a few down to Earth facts.

Meanwhile Gintoki stood attached to the floor. His feet were downright immovable. His whole body was processing the new information over and over again, analyzing the situation in every single detail. Of course the first thing he thought about after everything had been assimilated in his brain was to run out of the door towards the entrance of the club. There rested the entertainment: Gintoki's own special teasing target, shouting and ordering around his troops. He was sure to be there. Gintoki had to muster all his nonchalance to prevent a big foolish grin from taking over his face. Half of him was utterly mad. He didn't get why he had become so retarded all of a sudden. What was wrong with him? It seemed like he had been hit by a meteorite of nonsense. His chest was sweltering with anxiety and sounds were the only thing he thought capable of producing for a short period of time. Words seemed to have abandoned him. They had vanished to give way to the huge wave of rapture that had ensued.

"Anyway, let's get going. Please behave yourselves. If I catch one single act of absurdity I'll cut your legs, burn your eyes out and not a cent will be given to any of you" Otae threatened. The three meager Yorozuya goons nodded respectfully and began marching out of the door. Gintoki was about to follow the youngsters when a grip of steel caught his kimono and hindered his walk. He looked behind at Otae with mild puzzlement. His dead fish eyes did not convince her.

"Be-ha-ve yourself, Gin-san" she said in a grave tone. Her intense stare locked with Gintoki's as if transmitting unspoken messages and after a few seconds of silence she left as well. He felt generally lost about that moment.

"What the hell?"

When Gintoki arrived at the main room it was already full of people and noise: light music, laughs, giggles and never-ending amounts of stupid chit-chat. It seemed a totally different room from the one they had entered not even an hour ago. The reserved area was full with hostesses and clients, most of them high ranking government officials or rich politicians. As Gintoki scrutinized the area carefully, the only Shinsengumi dunces he caught a glimpse of were Matsudaira and Kondo. Near them were other two men but Gintoki discarded them as being Matsudaira's usual company. He refused to call them bodyguards because a beast like the Superintendent did not need those. Gintoki then caught sight of Kagura and Shinpachi already joining the fun.

"They don't waste a bit of their time, do they?" Gintoki mumbled to himself half amused half annoyed. He knew that their true purpose was to eat all the snacks and sweets before running for their lives. After all, it had been Gintoki who taught them.

A startling breeze reached Gintoki from the main entrance. His head turned around quickly, almost twisting his neck, to see who had just entered. His spirit sank a little when he saw a pair of old men crossing the hall. _Damn it_. Why wouldn't the damn bastard enter the place? It wasn't like the Shogun was here again. They didn't need that war-level protection. It was just stupid Matsudaira and his connections, nothing unusual. They could damn well take care of themselves. What was that imbecile Mayora waiting for? A clever idea then popped up in Gintoki's head. If he acted subtly, quietly, perhaps he could go take a peek outside. He just had to avoid Otae and as long as Kondo was in the same room as her she was sure to be distracted. Gintoki wandered around the room cutely and prepared to shrug away like a fluttering butterfly. He was just about to step onto the entrance hall when a striking melodious voice rang by his ear.

"Pako-san? _Where_ do you think you are going? The guests are waiting" Otae's frightening smile blinded Gintoi's vision of the exit. He was dragged back to his work by the ear and the gorilla woman sat him right next to her mate. Kondo Isao. Gintoki had to make an effort not look grimly towards the Commander.

"Ah, Otae-san! Is this a friend of yours? Let her have a drink, here, here" Kondo offered Gintoki a glass of Don Péri with his big usual grin. Gintoki thanked him silently.

"This is Pako-san, she's a part-timer. She has worked here before. Such a sweet girl…" Otae eyed Gintoki with an obnoxious expression spread all over her face. He could tell she was trying to bind him to the gorilla man so she could escape, but Gintoki clearly saw through her mask. The evil aura around her gave her away instantly.

"What are you saying Otae-san, hahaha. You're the one who's being very kind to me" Gintoki said with a high pitched voice, giggling maliciously "Don't you think, Kondo-san?"

The Shinsengumi Commander began a serious and epic tirade as soon as the question left Gintoki's mouth. Just as planned too. It earned the latter a few minutes to think of his next strategy. Gintoki had to get rid of the two hindrances as quickly as possible. However, the surprise of the night was about to explode right into his face. The name "Vice-Commander" soared around the table next to theirs and Gintoki had to abstract his attention from Kondo's voice to capture the correct words. He kept silent and absolutely still while trying to listen to whatever it was the other men were talking about. It appeared to involve Hijikata, Matsudaira and some kind of southern recruits. Gintoki wasn't able to understand the chief idea but sometimes he thought he had heard wrong. Those government guys had to be playing with words surely. It all seemed too suspicious to begin with. An old man from the neighboring table then turned to Kondo. Gintoki's doubts were about to be wiped from the surface of the planet.

"Oi, Kondo! I heard your Vice-Captain went down south. How's he doing?"

"Ah! Good you ask! I talked with him just this morning. He is good! Told me the place is infested with nitwit simpletons. He is afraid he won't have anyone to recruit! Hahaha"

The assembly of men laughed good-humouredly and so did Otae to keep her front. Gintoki tried to as well but a valuable piece of information was missing. It was what worried him the most and it was precisely what he had found fishy about the previous conversation. He was afraid he would have to ask the question himself when another geezer stepped up to the discussion.

"If that's so, I'm sure he will have to spend the rest of the summer down there. It's hot like hell! Those country bumpkins will hardly handle the sun burns! Bwahahahaha!"

"Yeah, a few years ago I spent a few weeks in Kyoto myself, the summer was a bitch!"

"Don't worry Toshi will be back in no time. He told me so himself" Kondo said to the middle aged entrepreneurs. His broad and humble smile was pissing the living hell out of Gintoki.

"Yeah, a Commander is not a Commander without his right-hand man" another man announced sadly.

"Hahaha, you're right, you're right"

"Matsudaira sent him, I'm afraid?"

"Yes, they departed four days ago"

"Sounds good to me. You'll be lonely for a while, eh Isao?"

"Yeah, he's just like a husband without his wife, right?"

The general audience listening to the conversation fell into a fit of laughter at the metaphor, Kondo included. For some reason, which escaped Gintoki's logic at the moment, it was supposed to be really funny. Hysterical like fucking Tamo-san. Ha ha ha ha. Gintoki could barely live with his insides at the witty situation! Even knowing they were all taking the affair light heartedly it was impossible to join the bunch of morons. The verge of Gintoki's patience was approaching its end at the speed of light.

"I still have the rest of that lot to take care of" Kondo replied after the laughs died down.

"What about that genius swordsman, that young fellow?"

"Sougo?"

"Yeah, did he go with Hijikata?"

"Oh no, no. He stayed here in Edo. Toshi refused to take him along. Hahaha"

"Bwahaha, that's the Demon Vice-Captain for ya. Cold even to his own!"

Gintoki's grip on his champagne glass was so tight that little cracks were beginning to spread everywhere through the crystal surface. What the hell were these people even talking about? _Who_ were they talking about? The conversation was disgusting Gintoki to no end. He wanted to incinerate the assholes alive. Couldn't they just shut the fuck up and go die in a dike? Gintoki lifted up his head to try and regain some clearance but instead he met Otae's impenetrable stare, which did not allow him to breathe a single gulf of oxygen. This time she wasn't trying to exchange a message through the insane act of telepathy she thought possible. She was looking at him with a whole different motive. She was trying to figure out what Gintoki was thinking, she was observing him. It's dispensable to say Gintoki felt very uncomfortable. Her expression implied the fact she knew something. Something he did not expect her to know.

"Kondo-san?" Otae's voice chirped sweetly to catch Kondo's attention. The latter turned to her pronto.

"Yes Otae-san!"

"So, when is Hijikata-san coming back?" her question sounded innocent and cute enough not to raise any suspicious. Nonetheless, Gintoki paled. He paled various shades of white at her cunning guess. Her interrogation echoed his and startled him.

"From the latest report I read, I think he'll be back with the new recruits by fall. At first it was only going to be a month or two, but Matsudaira and Hijikata agreed on an extended period, so it'll probably be three months. I told them it was too mu-"

CRACK

The sound of shattering glass ended Kondo's intentionally professional speech in an instant. All attentions turned to Gintoki and his bleeding hand instead. It had not been his intention to break the fragile object into dozens of tiny bits, it really hadn't. Gintoki simply had lost his grip. The sudden news had taken a bigger impact on him than he had expected and the already feeble glass resting on his hand had received the shortest straw. The fact Gintoki had lost much more than his physical control was still having a hard time taking its course through his brain. Time had never been such an atrocious issue. It had never sounded so hideous and gruesome before. Three months was long. Three months was the time a salamander took to regenerate a limb! Three months was enough to see an entirely new anime season, from beginning to end! Three months! _Holy fuck._ Gintoki was considering bumping into the bastard today! Not in the next Ice Ages!

"Gi-, I mean Pako-san!" Otae brought herself forward and rapidly took hold of Gintoki's hand. She grabbed the nearest napkin to stop the bleeding and took out the larger shards from his palm.

"Oh God, look at this! Someone help me here- not you!" she roared at Kondo as soon as he raised his arm. A couple of girls came running to her aid followed by Shinpachi. The two siblings accompanied Gintoki to the restroom to treat his wound and the other two hostesses took Otae and Gintoki's place by Kondo.

"Are you an idiot or what? How did you even do that? Gosh!" Otae chided as they reached the nearest sink.

"I don't know. You're the ones who buy shit-rate glasses! It slipped from my hand and broke when I caught it!" Gintoki blurted out. Shinpachi opened the water tap and threw the bloody napkins on the trash can.

"Look at this Gin-san. You could really have hurt yourself"

"I am hurt!"

"Shut it!" Otae commanded "Shinpachi go clean up the bloody mess by the table. I'll be right there. Just let me attend this imbecile. Go!"

Shinpachi did what he was told and strolled out of the bathroom. Otae and Gintoki soon followed, though they stopped by the dressing room first. The elder Shimura bandaged Gintoki's hand, much to his protest, and then threw him his clothes savagely. Gintoki looked at the bundle of fabrics in his lap confused.

"Is this going to turn into a gay bar now?"

Otae snarled.

"If you idle around with that annoying mug of yours, yes! So just get the hell out of here before I murder you" she barked with rage.

"How am I going to dress with my hand like this?" Gintoki exclaimed perplexed. He raised his hand to look more pitiful but it was in vain "Could you call those two hostesses to help me undre-"

"You'll manage!"

Gintoki did not have the time to ask any questions about her weird behavior. Otae promptly quit the room without ceremonies, leaving him to his own assumptions. Too bad he had none, because it was an interesting subject to explore. If his mind had not been totally violated by the sudden news he would have engaged in the matter. Gintoki changed clothes rather speedily. The superficial pain in his hand was no match for the torturous feeling swimming inside his stomach. It hurt so bad he could barely find courage to acknowledge it. Once he finished adjusting his white kimono he marched out of the Snack Smile through the back door. He managed to snatch a bottle of Don Péri on his way and in less than a few minutes the contents of the vintage bottle were gone from view. The need to distract himself from the ache of his ethereal cancer was his number one priority. He did not want to think, feel or rationalize anything anymore. He had been stripped of his hopes too unexpectedly. He was in a daze.

On his way home, Gintoki still stopped by at least three or four bars. Considerable amounts were added to his tabs and substantial doses of alcohol added to his system. Before starting to lose conscience Gintoki knew he was being stupid, utter ridiculous. But he also admitted that there was no alternative, no second choice that night. There was nothing that could fix his loneliness. There was no substitute for his sole desire. Hence booze presented itself as a favorable option. It would either offer him a good sleep or delightful illusions.


	7. It's Best To Compensate Absence

The south was hot. Extremely hot. Hot to the point Hijikata had started counting the days until he died from sunstroke. Such unbearable weather, aside from being in total synchrony with his unbearable mood, was the worst encumbrance to his work. Things were already bad as they were just training the new recruits and putting up with their simpleton antics. Salvation might as well be a word from another dimension because it surely could not be found in this one. Even slaving Yamazaki's body, or corpse or whatever remains he still had materially, was getting old and boring. Hijikata was suffering not only from excruciating heat and stupidity, but also from boredom. It was the definitive pits when his work gave him misery and thus, the outcome could only be a gradual fall into insanity, which actually explained a lot of things that were to befall the Vice-Commander.

The first month was awful. Aside from disdaining Matsudaira to the core of his being, Hijikata had to delegate chores to most of his subordinates to keep the mission standing up. His disposition and patience were so overloaded with idleness that for the sake of preserving the rookies' lives he ordered them to run around the city for a whole week just so he wouldn't have to look at their faces. The endeavor ended up producing positive results. The miserable ants showed up more confident and prepared afterwards. Nonetheless, Hijikata was far from being satisfied or even mildly entertained. He gave them hell at the dojo day after day after day until the end of the month. It is needless to say that half the novices did not reach the second month. Most of them vanished from sight when they stopped feeling one or two limbs for three days straight.

Contrary to what might be expected, this row of withdrawals made Hijikata appeased, perhaps even delighted. Knowing that he wasn't the only one suffering filled a part of him which was hollow and painful. Not that he admitted it of course. Hijikata Toushiro was too damn proud to acknowledge his own weakness. However, the egotistical and prideful conscience didn't last much. The second month proved it beyond expectation.

If the first month had been bad, the next was atrocious. The heat reached its peak and Yamazaki went back to Edo to report personally to Kondo. It was a stupid request from the latter of course. The idiot wanted concrete proof that his beloved children were still alive, regardless of Hijikata's fussing. The latter had begged, blackmailed and done everything to keep his slave on the southern field, but the Commander would not allow it. Final result: Hijikata's paperwork redoubled and added to the list of ridiculous assignments he already had at his responsibility regarding the new troops.

"Damn Kondo-san and his fucking worries!"

Hijikata was about to cross the line to fiendish resorts when another protest robbed his liberty of mind. It could not be called a protest exactly, what occurred to him bordered insanity. He started having delusions. No, not Goku-soaring-through-the-sky fantasies, no, not that. It was something much much worse which at first started Hijikata given its false sense of reality. He had been sparring with a rookie during a training session and by the end of it, when the kid was taking off his protection helmet, Hijikata could have sworn he had glimpsed none other than Sakata Gintoki before him. The same silver haired imbecile that haunted his dreams perpetually. This small, fictional occurrence was the trigger to a whole new level of dementia hereafter. Hijikata issued constant troop gatherings and patrol shifts throughout the city under the pretext of training drills. His objective was clear. Would anyone see a strange silver haired man walking around they were to arrest him immediately for the mere act of existence. Such measures went on indefinitely for Hijikata was decided to keep them until he returned to Edo. Unfortunately, no one had been arrested throughout the second month of his mission. He became desperate for some sanity. Hijikata sometimes saw Gintoki peeking from a door somewhere, walking by the halls, stepping out of the Shinsengumi quarters… it was definitely paranoia and Hijikata had no one to blame but himself. Was he going crazy? The obsession was driving him nuts. It would have been fine if the sight of the Yorozuya bastard didn't overwhelm him. It would have been bearable! But the truth stuck still to the fact it was exciting and dazzling, and this alone made Hijikata feel rotten.

Then the third month was set in motion. Following the previous logic, it is to be expected that the finale must have been tortuous. And so it was.

For once Hijikata's work began falling into a stable system. Yamazaki returned from Edo and the workload was reduced by two thirds. The recruits also became adjusted to the harsh training and close to being self-disciplined. The Vice Commander noticed his need for yelling at the maggots diminished considerably. To sum it up, life was satisfactory in all exterior parameters, yet, they were not enough to obliterate the scandal and eruption that was going on personally and most of all, _mentally_ with Hijikata. It could be said that his last month at the southern lands was, for the lack of a better word, nasty. Imagination had never run too wild for Hijikata. He was a conservative, orthodox, down-to-earth individual. Whatever he projected on his mind he did and that was it. Period. Fantasizing was a whole different subject. Spending hours looking at the clouds was not who he was. Daydreaming did not make part of a single trait of his character. Therefore, what happened next was of great scale, strange and scarring.

It does not take much to jump from delusion to imagination. With the arrival of the fall and its consequent drop of temperature, Hijikata regained most of his mental stability. His delusions were gone, yet his suspicions persisted. They were not proven though. In fact, Yamazaki's testament when he came back was enough to clean any false conjectures. He had been at Edo, he had been at Kabuki District and he had most certainly seen the three Yorozuya dopes wandering around. It was an incontestable proof and Hijikata hated it more for that reason. It was tortuous because all odds were against him: factuality, weather and reason. All the things he might have clung to in order to excuse himself were slapping him in the face; screaming loudly his mistake and weakness.

Hijikata hit his bottom when he accepted a trip to the local hostess bar with his men. Ninety nice percent of the party had their share of fun and debauchery, all except the Vice Captain. The man most captivating and most sought after by the women was in total disarray with the place and the ambience. He tried. He really did. Something had to be done about his excruciating animal desires, but it was in vain. He wasn't attracted to anyone; maybe physically to one or two, but what did he care? He still didn't have the urge to have sex with them or whatever it was he needed. He didn't even suffer from any malfunction down there. He simply resisted and it did not take him much effort because Hijikata knew deep deep deep inside what and who he wanted. It was just too fucking sad to admit.

"Hey Vice-Captain-san wanna go upstairs?" a beautiful raven haired woman whispered to his ear. Her upper body was purposefully leaning to his side and her breasts were caressing his arm temptingly.

Hijikata looked at her directly and straightforwardly. From her perspective he might have been pondering the invitation. They locked eyes, deep blue with dark onyx. The woman did not abandon her position, her head lowered slowly; her red lips were beginning to persuade Hijikata's. She kissed him lightly and then, once he finally convinced himself he would do it, she whispered again.

"I know why you're acting this way. Don't worry. I can call you like your lover does"

It took less than a second for the hostess to meet the floor. Hijikata jerked so violently that she tumbled backwards with surprise. He immediately stood up to his feet and sent her a furious glance. The people around them stared in shock and some young girls even shrieked scared. Hijikata's mind was distant from all of it though. He straightened up his clothes and reached for his cigarettes.

"Don't bother" he growled at the woman lying on the floor.

She whimpered silently and ran out of sight, followed afterwards by a few concerned friends. Some recruits sent looks of disapproval at their Vice Commander for the despicable display, but their rebellion was short-lived. Hijikata only looked at them once before leaving the bar. Death was near for most.

When he arrived to his chamber Hijikata collapsed right into his futon. He could almost feel his misery weighting him down. His obnoxious behavior was inexcusable. What the hell had he done? His grim reality was painful. He hated himself for it. Why had he acted like that? Those insufferable words could have gone unsaid. The mindless hostess should have kept her mouth shut. He was so close. He had indeed come to a compromise with himself. He would have done it with her. Why the fuck did she have to blabber that stupid shit? Hijikata hit the tatami floor with all his might.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… I'm gonna kill him!"

Why? God, why? Why did he have to think about that pestering asshole! That bastard! That traitor! Hijikata had said it! He had repeated it countless times to himself. He couldn't trust an idiot like that! However, he was still without evidence. His hands were empty. There was not a bit of dirt he could trash at Gintoki's face. He could not keep the bastard away, not even when they were physically apart! And what had been that stupid conversation they had had last time? Even after breaking everything and refusing him explicitly like he had, Gintoki still smiled at him like always and still insisted in harassing him like it was the very essence of his being.

_"Am I disturbing you that much?"_

Of course he was! Constantly! Every day! Every hour! Every minute! It was afflicting! Hijikata took of his jacket and vest. The thoughts kept swarming in and his body acted on its own. He unbuttoned his shirt, slowly, delicately, and while he did it, he leaned on his back. His eyes were shut and it wasn't his hand undressing him anymore. Gintoki was there doing the entire work. His breath was as sweet as ever, nuzzling Hijikata's neck and face. His lips brushed against his collarbone as if studying it meticulously. A pair of hands undid his zipper and discarded his pants away. Gintoki had always been the impatient type. He slid one hand inside Hijikata's remaining underwear and the other trailed upwards towards his torso.

" _Do you miss me?"_

Hijikata bit his lip to stop the irresistible moans from escaping his throat. Gintoki's mouth was in the process of sucking his nipples into nothingness and his tongue carelessly tasted whatever part of Hijikata that came near. When Gintoki started massaging his cock it became hard not to groan out in pleasure. Small whimpers filled the immense silence that occupied the room and soon they were joined by all the brutish filth that poured out of Gintoki's lips and turned Hijikata's hue deep red.

_"Are you surrendering Hijikata-kun?"_

Imaginary lips met his. Gintoki was still as warm as ever, he kissed him tenderly, then recklessly. He was all over the place, making Hijikata feel all kinds of emotions and pleasures. It had been so real, so good… Gintoki jerked Hijikata harder and the latter moaned louder. He thrust his head backwards, dribbling already. He felt fingers fondling him and then approaching his entry.

"Ah… nng…ah…"

Hijikata reached his release with a spasm of pleasure. Electric shocks ran through his body making him howl. He opened his eyes slowly after regaining awareness and met a blurry view of his room. He could distinguish the white futon where he lay and the moonlit tatami mat. He could hear his own breaths and a slight windy breeze brushing against the window. It was the announcement of fall and the acknowledgment of solitude. He recognized that there was no other panting in the room besides his own and understood at last that his fantasies were simply a means to compensate the absence.

* * *

The journey back home, back to Edo, was eventless. One could say it was boring even, taking into consideration the tumult Hijikata had gone through the past few weeks. Notwithstanding, the change was good and returning to the place where his terrors sprung from could only dissipate the ones his mind had unwillingly created. At once by the gigantic Oedo terminal awaited them friends and familiar faces. The latter consisted mostly of Matsudaira's men who were there to receive half the new rookies and take them to further training at other stations, all in accordance with the Superintendent's wishes. The friends were no more than a dozen Shinsengumi officials sent by Kondo to escort Hijikata and the rest back to headquarters. The Vice Commander gladly accepted the gesture taking his seat inside the patrol car usually driven by Harada, and so they went.

It was before midday when they finally entered the realm of the barracks. While the novices were given immediate attendance and directions by superior officers, Hijikata escaped the fuss and fret of the crowd. He took no time getting into his quarters and giving Yamazaki the pains to bring him the luggage. Afterwards, Hijikata sat by his beloved porch, completely at ease, and indulged in a good smoke far from the hellish plains of the south and the new faces he so wanted to avoid. It was something quite surreal. Such a moment of peace seemed to be in disarray with ninety percent of his life. It was rare, precious, and easily forgotten. The description alone made it more enjoyable and soothing. However, as the minutes trailed by and Hijikata was allowed to take in the scenery and ambiance, breath in the sights and odors, refresh his mind and memory, a whole injection of recollections stun him unexpectedly. A sea of past vents engulfed and drowned him amongst its harsh waves. The cigarette in his hand was consequently put off and a pair of footsteps followed, wouldn't that be Hijikata's fate. Never a moment of rest.

Kondo entered the room to greet him in tears. A dramatic fellow surely, but Hijikata was already used to his Commander's exaggerated ways. He proceeded through a steel hug and a series of never-ending pats while Kondo rested his head on his shoulder and cried out his worries and afflictions. Hijikata gave him five minutes before pulling away. Too much human contact all of a sudden was just unnatural. Not to mention the Vice Commander distrusted even himself with such matters as of late.

Despite Hijikata's inexistent fondness of social gatherings, the reunion of the Shinsengumi was celebrated for a long period of time. For three consecutive days they had late night parties, full of good food and drinks and the overall mood was lax and festive. The rookies were easily integrated and the surrounding frame of mind allowed them to mingle with the veterans and old dogs of the bunch. Nevertheless, such merriment was doomed to fade away as everyone knew it. They were all waiting for the moment when the Vice-Commander would snap and turn the whole place the domain of wickedness and torture they had always known. Needless to mention they were right. Hijikata's tolerance of joy, parties and fun was beyond low. It bordered the negative. Therefore, it put an end to the general anxiety soon enough. It was not even a matter of weeks until the Shinsengumi was back to its misery, complaints and public destruction in the pursuit of evil against the law.

Hijikata felt right at home. Developments such as these, which seemed more like fallbacks to some, were just what he needed to forget his illusions and strange urges. Edo's carnage and social pollution were enough to put his faculties in motion and his head back in the right track. But Hijikata was conscious that his horrors weren't over just yet. He knew that returning would make things worse. He knew it so because now he was back to tangible distance, ever so close, and it was no longer a matter of mind but of will. It was peremptory that he should not seek Gintoki, not even if the world was at its end. Hijikata's will had to be a stone wall not able to bend, break, melt, fall or succumb to a single crack or fissure.

Self-assurance made it possible to meet the atrocious idiot when it was less expected or when their groups bumped into one another on the street. Hijkata would look but he would not see. His eyes would wander but not lock. He was finally immune to the bastard and he was damn proud of it. Moreover, if he spent his day-offs in the barracks patching up work, the odds of meeting Gintoki alone were close to zero. This conclusion relived Hijikata to his bones. It was good to be in control again. His life was back on track and all it had taken him were three months of absolute distance. Who said time did not heal wounds? Probably a jackass resembling the present author. Either way, it sure had done him good. In metaphor it had been a kind of rehabilitation, with its sufferings included.

Yet, Hijikata was still to be put to the test.

* * *

"Hijikata-san~" the monotonous voice called through the receiver. Hijikata's eyebrow twitched.

"What? Caught him yet? I'm two streets behind!" The Vice Commander said out of breath.

"No, no. I'm just calling in to point out how worthless this new bazooka model is. I had you in my sight but it missed" Okita complained disappointed.

Hijikata cursed. He looked back at the small settlement he had just ran by and frowned at the tower of smoke erupting from a busted roof. The damned brat was unchanged.

"What the hell are you doing trying to kill me? Stop playing around and go after Katsura!"

"He was climbing the building next to your location. I thought blowing it up would kill two birds with one sto-"

"Shut up and go do your work, imbecile!"

"Would it have taken you a lot to die of sunstroke in Osaka? You just give me more and more trouble Hijikata-san~"

Hijikata turned off the transmitter with a violent tap, almost destroying the fragile device, and kept running. He had lost sight of the evading enemy and was following two of his subordinates instead. A deplorable sight indeed. After a few more alleys of useless pursuit Hijkata concluded his efforts. He dispatched a few directives through the transmitter and decided to rest by his usual dango place while waiting for updates. Following the damned Joui scoundrel around town always gave him a terrible headache and an ugly pang on his nerves. Given the fact all of the assigned men were on the chase, vehicle patrols included, there really wasn't much of a choice for the rear end Hijikata. He would rather give his orders while calmly eating his sweets, than in the midst of a mad sprint with no tranquility to allow him to assess the situation rationally. He sat by a comfortable shade and soon the old man brought him his common request. Accompanied by the best world condiment Hijikata ate his dangos one by one, occasionally stopping his mild delight to answer a sudden call.

After hanging up to Sougo for the twenty-eighth time, Hijikata jolted when someone took the opposite side of his bench. His back met another, one very provocative apparently. The short-fused Vice Commander was about to bark away at the stranger when he recognized the fool by the slightest turn of his head. Words escaped him. His first reaction was to leave. His legs promptly boosted him up, ridding him off the uncomfortable weight on his back and more so of the uninvited touch. Hijikata would have stormed off immediately but an imaginary stingy commentary was enough to bring him back to his sitting position. Blame the man's pride. He knew what would cross Gintoki's mind if he left now.

"Just stretching my legs" Hijikata replied awkwardly to himself before resuming his seat. He was careful not to touch the jerk's back by sitting very straight and rigidly. However, Gintoki sent his formal attempt to waste, slouching further down the bench. Not a great help to the former, whose main concern was relinquish any kind of contact. Gintoki's back seemed to peruse into his skin down to his soul and, the fact that his face remained unseen could not even relieve Hijikata since it only broke his imagination free. It was a paradox. He could not face Gintoki, but he could not handle his own idealized conjectures of the disquieting man either.

Hijikata forgot momentarily the work he had been so keen on just moments ago. His heart squeezed in agony awaiting future words. He was a complete wreck. He doubted every idea that popped into his head and tried to predict a hundred moves ahead as if mimicking some scene from Death Note. Fortunately, the first words ensuing from Gintoki's mouth were directed to the stall owner to whom was ordered a set of his cheapest sweets. The silence prolonged itself until the order was brought and Gintoki tasted its flavor. By that time, Hijikata was at the brim of anxiety, repressing any thought or shameful memory hammering against his temples. What should he do? Why wasn't Gintoki saying anything?

Time slipped away soundlessly. The dango place was dead silent apart from the cheerful passers-by and random customers. Hijikata's particular bench was submerged in stagnation and quietude. There was hardly any tension about the air except inside the Vice Captain. Peace made him nervous. Calmness stressed him. He was a curious individual rarely ever matching his surroundings.

At some point Hijikata managed to look behind him without notice. He saw Gintoki dropping his last stick of dangos into an empty plate. His lungs petrified for a second and he resumed his rigid position again very quickly. Would the idiot say something now? As incredible as it might sound, no. Gintoki stretched his arms with ease and got up ready to leave. Hijikata felt himself invisible. He brought a hand to his face and stared hard at it. He could see himself clearly. _What the hell then?_ To erase all doubts Hijikata pinched his arm. It would not surprise him if the present moment happened to be a strange dream, but it was indeed reality and the reddish mark he had just inflicted upon himself proved it favorably, if not completely.

"Are you feeling well, sir?" The old geezer asked, popping up beside him.

"I think so" Hijikata replied quickly to avoid sounding suspicious "I am"

"Well, then. I'll take your plates" the man said reassured. Hijikata nodded, but after reflecting on what the man had said jumped to his feet.

"What do you mean _plates_? I just asked for one-"

"I thought you would pay for Danna's too, sir" the owner answered slightly fearful. Hijikata snarled.

"Son of a bitch!"

"S-sir, please calm d-down-"

"Where is he! Where did he go!" it was more a command than a question.

The elderly man pointed to the direction Gintoki had fled to and Hijikata thanked him with payment, not uttering a syllable more. He ran after the dunce angry as hell. How could he have not figured it out earlier? It was all one of the asshole's smart schemes to avoid debt; he had probably even told the old man Hijikata would pay his tab too, for the devil's sake!

Glancing sideways, Hijikata eventually caught sight of the silvery hair which at that hour of the day, sunny and merry, could not help but shimmering brightly. He pushed through a crowd of people in the main street and then slid off to a side alley where Gintoki wandered around, almost as if waiting for him.

"You damn asshole, I should burn you alive, stinking piece of-"

"Took you longer than I thought" Gintoki said with a devilish grin.

Hijikata's eyes became mildly watery, but he snubbed it aside. It must have been the change of light operating on his lacrimal glands since the narrow street was much darker than the previous one. It had nothing to do with Gintoki's irritating voice.

"Still the same smart-ass, aren't you!"

"Well, I didn't want you to explode right there in the middle of the street. You would scare everyone" Gintoki stated, scratching inside his kimono with boredom.

"Like I care about that!" Hijikata replied furiously "Do you really think you can use people like you want and come off clean? I'm not giving you that pleasure, bastard! You better pay me back!"

"Or what Vice-Commander?" Gintoki's grin still had not disappeared. He stepped closer, but the movement only triggered Hijikata's restrained offensive. He unsheathed his sword and growled again.

"Back off! I know your tricks"

Gintoki sneered.

"I know you do" he took hold of his own sword and drew it "What about a good old sparring to lift up the mood, Hijikata-kun?"

Hijikata gulped at the mention of his name. He ignored the insane shouts imploding inside his brain and agreed. At least while fighting he wouldn't have to meet the degenerate's eyes. Besides, it was a good way to make up for the defeat in their first encounter. What more could he ask for? If there was something positive about the good-for-nothing it was his amazing skills in battle. Fruit of what, Hijikata didn't know though. He was still in blank about Gintoki's past. This detail he could not overlook.

"Sure. It's been awhile since I went all out" Hijikata replied with a nasty grin of his own.

"Bring it on then"

They clashed swords in a flash, stepping back at once with the same speed. Hijikata flung his sword forward but his move was successfully dodged by Gintoki who in turn dashed behind his back. Hijikata turned abruptly to block Gintoki's attack and pushed against the bokuto. A contest of strength ensued, each pouring their apparent maximum force into the swords. Both retreated deliberately at the same time, yet Hijikata was faster to counter attack. Gintoki was able to dodge the first assault but he missed the second one which Hijikata pulled off with his scabbard.

"Bastard! That didn't count. I have no scabbard!" Gintoki chided irritated. The sword sheath had hit him on the left shoulder, a few inches from the neck. However, he didn't yelp or clung to the damaged area. Gintoki was rather persistent and stubborn.

"You're the king of cheaters, why should I go easy on you?" Hijikata answered amused. Gintoki exhaled deeply and smiled.

"True"

Gintoki lunged forward and brandished his sword. They sparred for another ten minutes straight without halting; trashing garbage cans, bicycles, old magazine piles, whatever obstacle came their way. When they stopped to breathe for a moment they were already half a mile away from their starting point.

"We sure came a long way…" Gintoki noted glancing around calmly. He was panting but one could understand he was strangely relaxed. Hijikata scowled.

"Tired already?"

The silver haired samurai turned to his opponent eagerly and perplexed.

"Afraid I'll leave, are you?"

Hijikata could tell the fool was playing with him.

"Shut it!"

With renewed courage they both prepared to deliver their final blow. They robbed each other of a few preemptive moves first and then, thanks to a bad landing, Hijikata was struck down mercilessly. He hit the floor roughly and his lungs became dry and empty for a nanosecond.

"Same old, same old~~~" Gintoki mumbled happily to himself.

Hijikata heard the other man approach and stood unmoving listening to the smallest ruffle of dust. When Gintoki was close enough he pulled his foot and sent the smirking bastard to the ground as well. Hijikata immediately began groping around for his blade and, as soon as he found it, he sprung to his feet and proceeded with his final assault. Gintoki was standing up looking slightly dumbfounded. It was his chance. Hijikata's sword grazed the white kimono swiftly before pinning the owner of the fabric against the wall.

"Might as well give up this time" Hijikata muttered gloriously. Gintoki shook his head from the sudden impact and smirked.

"I thought you were giving it your all. Are you sparing my life?"

"I cannot kill civilians, it's my deepest regret"

"Oh? What about a devious scoundrel who might have participated in the Jouishishi's earliest parties?"

Hijikata flinched slightly at this. He mustered his finest and strongest senses to look up at Gintoki's eyes directly and face him. His expression was curious. Hidden beneath all those crazy amounts of indifference and nonchalance, yet curious.

"Are you confessing?" Hijikata queried.

"Do you want me to?"

Hijikata frowned. There was the bastard turning the conversation around. It pissed him off!

"Do you care about it?"

"To hell with my cares! I only want the truth!"

Gintoki sighed. He raised his hands and placed them over Hijikata's to pull the dull blade away.

"What if I don't want to tell you the truth?"

"Want or can't?" Hijikata's question unwillingly brought forward his desperation.

Gintoki mused over his reaction before rephrasing.

" _Can't._ "

Hijikata stepped back and sheathed his sword. Even if nothing had been explicitly said he already perceived what he longed to know. Gintoki spared him the details obviously, but the Vice Commander comprehended his position; Gintoki didn't feel particularly happy about spending the rest of his life locked up in a cell or, in extreme cases, dead. Moreover, if Hijikata analyzed the idea intently in his head, he would discover that Gintoki wouldn't be the only grief stricken fool at the mercy of such measures. Half Edo would mourn and rebel for him, including the most obstinate and troublesome fellows. Somehow Hijikata found himself amidst that multitude of people and he felt his chest aching severely. A world without Gintoki because of him… it didn't sound right at all. A cold loneliness threatened to invade Hijikata while he rummaged through such thoughts.

"Well, the fun is over Vice-Commander-san. I have to get back early. My drama is about to start, ya know" Gintoki said applying a hand to his neck "Damn, is it past four already? …what time is it…" he began babbling uncomfortably and tried to slip out of sight but Hijikata did not allow him to leave.

It was funny. Hijikata who had compromised with himself, who swore he would not look for the rascal, was now preventing the same from leaving. He was bending his rules, succumbing to his rotting will. He had failed in his test. Gintoki's poison was too sweet and effective to be resisted.

"This conversation is not over yet" Hijikata said coarsely, clinging to Gintoki's kimono. The other lost all his discomposure and looked serious for a moment.

"What?"

"I said-"

"Look here!" Gintoki's face now held something akin to contempt and rage. Hijikata winced internally, trying to grasp whatever information had escaped him.

"How dare you do this to me? I didn't have to opportunity to stop _you_ from leaving before. What makes you think I'll let you have it now?" Gintoki brushed off Hijikata's grip with a shove and strode off. All he left behind him was rancor. Hijikata felt it to the marrow of his bones, yet, instead of affecting him with sadness it brought up a wave of anger and bitterness. Hijikata picked up the nearest rock and tossed it straight at the retreating figure. It hit Gintoki in the head making him groan with pain.

"Fucking asshole!"

"You're the jackass! Why the fuck are you joking me around? You think I don't see it when it's right in front of my face, imbecile? Why did you sat behind me earlier? Was that a coincidence?"

Gintoki's loud curses diminished their tone before succumbing to silence. Hijikata sneered with derision and scorn at the display.

"Thought so" he grumbled prideful "Don't spat at me your stupid rhetoric when you can't even answer for yourself!"

Hijikata reached for his breast pocket and took out a cigarette. Some kind of line had been stepped upon and he refused to go further today. His hand was shaking thanks to his nerves.

"Fuck it…" he pressed the lighter a dozen times unsuccessfully before it finally lit up. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't time for smoking. At least not just yet. Gintoki took both cigarette and lighter from his hands and tossed them to the ground unceremoniously. Hijikata watched agape at the boldness. Was Gintoki out of his fucking mind? The dark haired man began earnestly pondering the idea of killing the Yorozuya leader once again.

"I'll give you what I owe you and then we're done" Gintoki deadpanned. He had approached very rapidly and stood a foot away from Hijikata. The latter stared at him perplexed. He studied Gintoki's red orbs cautiously and apprehensively. He was no longer afraid of what he might or might not do. His prejudice had vanished from existence and given place to shock. He couldn't conceive what the hell could move Gintoki to give money back.

"Are you going to pay me back?" Hijikata questioned. He _had_ to ask.

"No" Gintoki replied gravely.

"What else can it be?"

"The goodbye kiss I couldn't give you before"

Hijikata did not have time to think it over. Gintoki mashed their lips together fiercely, stealing every bit of reason Hijikata still treasured in his brain. He was forced to yield, he could not but yield for this was his biggest fear. He couldn't fathom such kind of contact was still desired; with the impetus of the fight Hijikata had forgotten all about it. But now it all returned to him. His embarrassing past, his shameful summer and the vulnerable side he had acknowledged with pain.

It was already too late to confront it, his desire had been rekindled and there was nothing he could do about it. Besides, the only thing he could do was not needed anymore because the absence he filled in with fantasies was living and breathing right in front of his eyes, kissing him dearly.


	8. There's Always Something That Gets Between You and Your Addiction

To be quite frank, nothing astounded Gintoki since Hijikata's return. Absolutely nothing, not even their rowdy encounter which was exciting, but not outrageous enough to rid him of the roots of misery that had taken over his heart unwillingly over the past three months. Gintoki had been given time to brood things over repeatedly and to take an honest look at his heart which, for a while, he doubted he still had. Lots of thoughts had crossed his mind during his lonely nights and hours. If solitude had not been there to jab at his insides and remind him of that special absence he would have easily brushed the whole issue aside. But it had indeed been impossible. Before he knew it he had become engulfed with thoughts of the Vice-Captain, insignificant things, minor details, grunts and shrugs people don't usually care about. It all amounted to the simple, undeniable fact that he must have been, and probably still was, stupidly in love with the bastard.

Gintoki had tried to sprinkle some reason over their relationship at first. He thought about what had propelled the beginning, what had developed thereafter, why it had crumbled, how the pieces of his heart eventually got back together. At the time he truly believed it was all a mega damnation. Or, if not the work of a perverted alien, it had to be some kind of heavenly punishment for his twisted lust towards the tobacco-reeking Mayora. Who would have thought that teasing would lead him to such a wretched state. It was ridiculous once thought of, especially taking into account who Gintoki and Hijikata were. It didn't matter that they were opposites or men or samurai. The weird thing about it was the lack of predisposition for love they both had. Even when sex was thrown into the mix those emotional barriers remained. There had been no space for feelings much less acceptance. Attraction and awe had led the way regardless of anything else. Of course there had been the occasional regret, disappointment, sincere joy, but these seemingly naive feelings were discarded with indifference. No one could have foreseen its consequences. Fate tangled everything and separation only sharpened the pain, making Gintoki realize how utterly foolish he had been; how very happy he had been despite each and every complaint and each and every single moment of denial. He had not changed to appease love, love had changed him and he had not noticed it until now. It had been too great a deal to even conceive in his head.

He was accustomed to an easier love, such as caring for friends and family. However, though that bond was just as strong, it could not compare to the blur and tempest Hijikata ended up inflicting on him. Gintoki barely remembered what that kind of love felt like. He had refused to live in delusions so falling head over heels in love was something he had almost banished from his life. Besides, he had always thought he could not afford such a weakness. Yet, the circumstances turned out unusual. They were both men, both samurai, they could each fend for himself. Nothing to worry there. So, could Gintoki allow himself a little affection? Apparently he could. Gender also ceased to matter once he had a taste. The whole process unfolded with ease as if fated, and that might have been the explanation for Gintoki's neglect of the situation. He _had_ to suffer the shock. He _had_ to take it all in one go. He only needed Hijikata's departure to trigger it all.

After that, realization did hit him. The night of drunken stupor which followed his expulsion from the Snack Smile bar turned into many drunken nights, sometimes even afternoons when work and company were scarce. Gintoki drank away the unwelcome pain, then the memories and later the misery. At some point he didn't even know what he was sulking about anymore. He just wanted to hurl the glasses at the Shinsengumi twerps patrolling the streets; to see if there was some reaction, perhaps just for fun, he didn't care. Either way, his degrading human behavior did not last long. His grief was not totally inconsolable. Otose, Shinpachi and the rest of his friends did not allow him a minute of rest once they had enough. The old lady somehow knew what had transpired between the Shinsengumi high official and Gintoki, so she had given him his space. Nevertheless, wasting his life away in order to forget the issue didn't make his responsibilities go away. Kagura, Shinpachi and Sadaharu would not disappear conveniently. They were still there, they needed Gintoki and Gintoki needed them. This call to reality toughed him up and his days of sorrow stopped abruptly. The money he had mindlessly spent drinking had to be recovered and thus hard work awaited him. Fortunately, a couple of good jobs fell from the sky once in a while amidst all the shit he and his goons pulled off.

Gintoki regained his old assurance and disposition quickly. He learned to live with the fact Hijikata wanted nothing to do with him and that it was better that way. His own past did not particularly help the situation either since it put lots of things at stake that he didn't dare lose for such a fickle reason. The love that had blossomed would whither. The time he thought would wear him down would in fact help him get over the situation. The summer was thought of as a blessing.

"Better this way" He thought. Depression was not his thing anyway.

To conclude, there was only one single crack in Gintoki's emotional rehabilitation. He didn't know what would happen the next time he saw the shithead. Sure he had gone away without a fucking word for months, but he would definitely be back. What would he make of it? What would it be like to stare at that perfect face and hear the morbid harsh voice nagging at him every five seconds? Gintoki had no idea. It frightened him a bit, but he began to imagine scenarios in his head. Those amused him, though they brought back Hijikata's image more often than was good for him. Daily life should be damn fine without it, but truthfully, it wasn't.

When fall established its reign over Edo, Gintoki was prepared. He felt strong, laid-back, relaxed, strangely bored. The first few times he crossed ways with Hijikata were uneventful. They didn't even share a look. Hijikata acted pretty much like he had done since before they had met. Indifferent, cold, with a tinge of arrogance in his walk. Gintoki didn't mind. He knew that would be so, for Hijikata was too predictable. His conduct failed to annoy him, but it did not go by unnoticed. When Gintoki sat behind him at the dango stall he did it with intent. It was a challenge and Hijikata would certainly take the bait, especially if he were ignored. Gintoki played him well, he teased him a bit, but all of it with security, at a distance and carefully. He would not allow one more erratic heartbeat, one small fluttery sensation. He was resolved to never be broken again by the fucking idiot in front of him.

With this resolution in mind, nothing astounded him. Nothing was supposed to astound him, not even the kiss with which he indulged himself. Until that point it was all very boring and dreary. Normality was a peculiar prison sometimes yet those who lust after freedom ultimately escape it.

It was a nice feeling having those lips on him again. He barely remembered why he kissed them. Maybe he wanted to torment the dark haired man back. Inflict on him a little pain in return. Act a little vengeance. The heat of the fight clouded Gintoki's judgment just enough to let him slight the reason for his actions, and soon he would disappear, just like he had promised. He would walk away after delivering the final blow.

_"The goodbye kiss I couldn't give you before"_

He began to pull away as the first few seconds flew by. He didn't trust himself to lavish Hijikata's mouth as it should be lavished. It wouldn't matter either because they would shove it all aside after a row of insults and punches. However, sooner than later, a hand came to rest on his arm, and as Gintoki tried to back away to survey the situation properly, Hijikata's other hand clutched the front of his kimono and pulled him down demanding another kiss. From this moment on, Gintoki's boredom ceased instantly. He was so shocked he couldn't even process what was happening. He only felt it.

Hijikata's hands were all over him, clinging to his body like he couldn't be separated from it. The impetus of his kiss made Gintoki step back and he had to lean against the wall to endure the sudden attack. His perplexity overran thoughts and he didn't know if what he felt was happiness or sadness. Hijikata kept keen on his lips, slipping his tongue in and probing inside. Gintoki could not respond immediately. He didn't know what was going on. What this a trick? Was there a hidden camera somewhere? His wide open eyes could only perceive Hijikata's tightly shut ones. Was he afraid? Was he glad? What the hell was wrong with him? The Vice-Captain's hands crept up to hold Gintoki's face and he was forced to break the kiss with a gasp to inhale some air.

At this point their eyes finally met and it was then that a mad monstrous urge took over Gintoki. Whatever feeling it was that lingered in Hijikata's expression the silver haired man did not know, but it was enough to unleash in him all the longing he had locked up inside since they had last parted ways. He claimed the back of Hijikata's neck violently and plunged in for another kiss, this one so intense Hijikata let out a needy moan. When they pulled away Gintoki didn't waste time kissing whatever skin of Hijikata that came about; cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead... it was all his to take. He nibbled the earlobe and trailed down the neck with more kisses. He allowed himself to yield to the pleasure and he didn't regret it. Ideas of revenge, pain and angst were forgotten temporarily.

They didn't speak, words weren't needed. The only sounds that issued were strenuous breaths and whimpers. It was the moment most close to perfection the two could have had and they enjoyed it for as brief as it was. The rest of the world was not going to ignore them for much longer. Hijikata's transmitter began to emit static along with broken sentences from his subordinates and soon they were requesting for directives. Hijikata pulled back almost unconsciously as duty called, yet he hesitated, his feet seemed unsure whether to leave or not. Gintoki also stopped abruptly as if the sudden noise had awoken him from some deep slumber. He opened his eyes and immediately met Hijikata's groggy stare. For a few seconds neither one moved. Gintoki felt a rush of embarrassment clog his cheeks and he tried to look away shamelessly, but he failed miserably. Hijikata seemed to mimic him exactly. His face was reddening by the second and weren't Gintoki so filled with his own perplexity he would have found it adorable. Obnoxiously adorable.

To break the awkwardness Hijikata rustled through his pocket in search of the transmitter. The movement started Gintoki and he suffered from an internal panic attack. He didn't know if the Vice-Captain was going to shut it off or reply. Being in doubt was unbearable. A few minutes ago he would have known exactly what to do. A few minutes ago Hijikata was still predictable and Gintoki would have been able to take action. Now what would the other man do? Would he run away as usual? Flee from the scene? Take out his sword and start brandishing it in the air? Punch Gintoki in the face? Kiss him again? Strip him? Gintoki's mind proved to be quite creative at such guesses. He nearly lost himself in the heat of his imagination.

Meanwhile, Hijikata brought the transmitter to his lips and stared at it blankly. Gintoki took notice of it and looked at him calmly. He was still trying to grasp the whole situation, more precisely Hijikata's weird behavior. Maybe he was a clone. He was not the real one! Yes that would explain a lot... but Gintoki preferred wishful thinking at the moment. In fact, it wasn't even a wish, he knew for a fact the man in front of him was _the_ Hijikata Toshiro and that disgruntled him completely.

Hijikata finally pressed the reply button. It was at that time Gintoki managed to perceive the other man's intentions and he immediately grabbed Hijikata's hand and snatched the transmitter away. He turned it off, pressing a few dozen buttons in the process, and threw it to the ground a few meters away. The Vice-Captain watched his actions with little disbelief. His face almost held a thankful look, though Gintoki refused to acknowledge it for his own good.

"I don't want you to go. Do you?" It was the most honest question Gintoki had ever asked Hijikata and he expected an honest answer in return. His heart loudly demanded it.

Hijikata's expression quickly went from sad to mildly surprised and Gintoki welcomed the wave of warmth that washed over his body at such reaction. It made him happy for some reason. In the sea of rejection and denial he had been swimming for months he could now see some lifeboat bringing hope.

"What's with the face?" Gintoki teased with a badly hidden smirk. Hijikata opened his mouth but his words took a while to come out.

"I... I'm..."

Gintoki lowered his head to feast on Hijikata's upper lip but a flying shadow took them both by surprise. It was gone in a fleeting moment and was followed by footsteps. The two men looked up in hopes of catching a glimpse of the shadow's owner but instead met a few dozen Shinsengumi officials jumping from one roof to another after their prey.

"Catch him!"

"Katsuraaaaaaa!"

"After him!"

"Anyone saw where the giant penguin disappeared to?"

"No, it used a smoke bomb!"

"Shit!"

"It's a penguin?"

"Shut it! Look-!"

"Come on! I can still see the bastard!"

They soon got out of sight atop the roof, sending a few tiles flying down to the ground and shattering. Gintoki squeezed Hijikata towards the nearest wall to dodge the debris. Not that they could get any closer than they already were.

"Hey-" Hijikata had begun protesting when Gintoki ran a hand through his hair "Really stop it! There's another bunch of them coming. They always lag behind-" he grabbed hold of both Gintoki's wrists and, as sure as his warning had been, another troop of loud and annoying officials ran by them on parallel streets. They were brandishing their swords, looking up at the roofs in search of Katsura and fellow Shinsengumi; some turned left and right looking for possible signs of Elizabeth. Gintoki would have felt the weight of worry and embarrassment at being caught there alone with their Vice-Captain, but the latter was too much of a distraction for him to even concentrate on anything else.

One of them noticed the two though.

"Ah! Vice-Captain, sir! We've been trying to reach you! The situation has changed we-" the man looked down at the floor where laid the transmitter Gintoki had helped Hijikata get rid of. Hijikata took the man's drift and quickly reverted back to his post, shrugging Gintoki's wrists violently and pushing him away.

"Bumped into some useless trash and ruined it" he grunted riled up.

Gintoki smiled to himself. He wondered if Hijikata was cross because of him or the never ending streak of interruptions.

"I see sir" the subordinate nodded "Anyway, sir! We are in dire need of your orders, we have two groups on the opposite side of the quarter, they just need-"

"OK, OK, you update me on the way. Fetch me a patrol car, you still have your radio with you I expect"

"Yes, sir! I'm on it!" the short man reached the inside of his jacket for his radio and trotted away to the nearest road.

Gintoki leaned against the shadowed wall with a smirk on his face and yawned.

"Work always comes first. I almost forgot that for a minute there" he said with eyes closed. He slyly opened one eyelid to spy on Hijikata who merely hid his discomfort and turned his back, ready to follow his subordinate.

"Always"

"See ya around Toshi~"

"Count on that."

Gintoki gasped. Had Hijikata actually left him with those words? He was not one to simply throw around hopeful messages of life after death, much less of a next meeting. No one in Edo was ever grateful or anxious to meet him again. However, such could not be said about Gintoki who had been in a complete daze for the past five minutes wondering what the hell had happened to the Shinsengumi Vice Captain. Hijikata's figure vanished into a patrol car in the distance and off he went in the useless pursuit of Katsura. Gintoki sighed and rubbed his neck. He was getting old for these games. He could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage, yearning for some kind of control over its own beating.

"What the hell..."

A cat meowed by his ankles and Gintoki shooed it away with annoyance. He began feeling the anger of the interruptions.

"I have to get out of here"

He walked home, clearly disappointed and troubled. Even when people bumped into him or shoved him aside in the busy streets he kept his mind elsewhere and barely complained. He lacked any mental strength to retaliate. He was focusing every neuron in his brain on a single function: understanding the hidden meaning behind Hijikata's actions. Gintoki was not stupid, but he was not very bright either when events involved feelings. Blame the lack of them. Gintoki's life was limited to only a few emotions, only those needed for his daily routine and occasional fight to the death. Complicated shit like this took a while to process. By the time he passed Otose's bar he thought someone had started drilling holes in his lungs.

"I need to sleep" he said to himself. Maybe that would wash it all away. He was sick of thinking about that damned face and those pleading eyes, the more he thought about them the less he could forget them. All those months of neglect and grief which had seemed so distant just the day before had come back in a flash. The gut wrenching grief ascended to his throat and stuck there indefinitely wondering if it should melt after those kisses or stay there permanently feeding on Gintoki's insecurity.

"For fuck's sake... insecurity? What the fuck have I become now? I need rest. Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest-"

"GIIINNNNN-CHHAAANNNNN~~~~~" Kagura's voice soared in the air. Gintoki sprinted to the front door of the house, running as fast as he could from the demonic Amanto girl. He was sure whatever news or babble she brought with her would prevent his sleep. He just knew it. He gripped the handle of the door but he was unable to pull it for Kagura threw her chinese umbrella fiercely and like and arrow it pierced the lock on the door. Gintoki turned around to face her outraged.

"Oi, oi, oi ,oi, oi, Kagura-chan~~ what the HELL do you thing you're doing? Do you even know how much it costs to fix this damned thing now? Someone has to go get us a new half-assed job to pay the repairman and...!"

Kagura ignored his furious rambling and jumped off Sadaharu's back. She scampered happily towards him flaunting a colorful paper in her hand.

"Look Gin-chan, look!" she shoved it in his face, making him grab it and read it.

"What's this?" he asked roughly, totally off the mood to any sort of work.

"Madao gave it to us" Kagura replied knowingly as if her answer explained the meaning of the universe.

"Hasegawa-san asked us if we wanted to participate" Shinpachi said loitering behind Sadaharu and Kagura "It's a sort of contest. The prize of the winning team is a luxury trip to any destination of its own choosing. The Amanto travel agency that sponsors the contest has a list of exotic places we can choose from-"

"Oh luxury trip..." Gintoki liked the sound of it. He peered over the advertisement Kagura had handed him more attentively. Indeed they were offering a luxury trip as top prize. However, as much as Gintoki wanted to get away from Kabuchi-cho and Edo in general, mostly to forget his personal problems, he could not evade them and it was simply out of the question to lose sight of Hijikata now. He refused to get out of his vicinity until he had reached any kind of decision regarding their situation. This left Gintoki with only one problem. Convincing Kagura and Shinpachi that they didn't need the stupid trip nor could they participate in the contest.

"This is very tempting and all but we-"

"Wait Gin-san, let me finish" Shinpachi stubbornly pressed on "The luxury trip is Hasegawa-san's target, we are aiming for the adjoining winning team prize" Shinpachi said pointing his index finger to a smaller pink text on his own copy of the advertisement. There it read: _The winning team will also be bestowed with monthly free-passes to any pasta restaurants in town, courtesy of XXXX Restaurant, XXXX XXX Grand Hotel, XX Dinner, etc etc_."Gin-san free food! For a month!"

"PASTAAAAAA" Kagura yelled in ecstasy.

Gintoki tucked the paper inside his kimono and yanked Kagura's umbrella out of the door swiftly.

"Where's this contest anyway?"

* * *

When they arrived to the designated place announced in the advertisement, a tall shiny building in the wealthy part of Edo, they met Hasegawa at the back entrance.

"Sup' Madao!" Kagura greeted excitedly.

"Ooh~ Gin-san, you actually came" he said in his hoarse voice. Gintoki sighed and took a look around.

"Seemed like a legit way to make profit. I have mouths to feed, you know? What about you Hasegawa-san, taking the top prize for the wife?" Gintoki said nonchalantly. Meanwhile Shinpachi wandered off to a security guard asking for directions.

"Hahaha... as a matter of fact yes. Hehehehe" Hasegawa chuckled half dejectedly and scratched the back of his head "It's our wedding anniversary next week and I wanted to give her something special. This competition appeared just in time"

"Lucky you Madao! You just got the best team in town! You'll win it for sure!" Kagura chirped happily.

"I doubt that severely weak little runt" an evil voice interjected with a sneer. Kagura, Gintoki and Hasegawa looked behind them and met face to face with Okita Sougo. Beside him stood a grinning Kondo, a confidant Yamazaki and Hijikata dragging a trail of smoke behind him.

"Youuuuu, retarded sack of-"

"Yorozuya! Hey! Nice to see ya!" Kondo beamed a happy smile and walked over to the nonchalant samurai. Gintoki glanced over to Hijikata, heart by his feet, and failed to make eye contact. The other threw his cigarette to the ground and proceeded to summon another from his pocket.

"Don't tell me you're also participating Captain Gori?" Gintoki said as insensible as possible. Kondo shrugged his shoulders and gave a hearty laugh.

"Of course! Anything for Otae-san! The first prize is the perfect opportunity for us to bond more intimately and-"

"Gin-saaan" Shinpachi returned from his talk with the security guard and stopped beside Gintoki confused.

"What are the Shinsengumi doing here? Is the contest illegal?" he rationalized instantly, disappointment and fear spreading over his features.

"I wished" Gintoki replied dryly "Gorilla here is entering to fetch the luxury trip for your-"

"Otae-saaan" the Shinsengumi Captain finished his sentence in joy. He put an arm around Shinpachi's shoulders and prompted all of them on towards the entrance "Shinpachi-kun, if you insist I'll take you with me and Otae on our honeymoon trip to-"

"The fuck you will!" Shinpachi's sister complex burst out in a second and he began to snap violently. Kondo merely laughed and gestured every one to enter "Let's go, let's go, hohohohohohoho!"

Gintoki followed with a sigh along with Hasegawa, Yamazaki and Hijikata. Shinpachi caught up with them in a spring, his will to win fueled by knowledge of Kondo's intentions, and Kagura and Okita trailed behind bickering endlessly.

A couple of young assistants guided them to the first stage of the contest. They explained briefly what the competition consisted of and listed out loud the various prizes. According to them, on different points of the building other four teams were also starting their first level. At the end, on the 40th floor, awaited them their prize, yet, to reach it they had to clear a dozen levels with different obstacles, not to mention climb up a lot of stairs since the elevators were for personnel use only. The assistants would not reveal what each level consisted of, they just told them to go along and follow the directions scattered throughout their course since some floors were offices of the various companies that sponsored the contest and therefore not part of the game.

"Good luck and remember, the first one to get to the 40th floor will be the winner. It does not need to be the whole team, just one member is enough" one of the assistants said with a smile. They handed each team a colored uniform to differentiate them and motioned to two side doors.

"You can use those two rooms to change"

As soon as the two teams returned dressed accordingly the two girls bowed slightly and opened the big door to the first stage.

"On the count of three"

"1"

"2"

"3!"

One of the girls blew a whistle and then both dodged to the side to allow the multitude of people to stomp past them in a crazy rage.

"FOR FOOD!" yelled Kagura and Gintoki in unison.

The door behind them closed as soon as they were all inside. At first glance nothing seemed unusual. Gintoki scanned the room before him suspiciously and began feeling cheated by the two pretty young girls until a pachinko machine captured his attention. Before he knew it he was sitting in front of it with Hasegawa by his side on another machine.

"Hey Gin-san... have more change? I'm out of luck today..."

"Let me see" Gintoki rummaged through his pockets and took out a few coins "Here we go" he gave a couple to Hasegawa and inserted a few inside his pachinko machine. While waiting for his score he looked around, wondering if it was all a dream. Near them he saw Kagura and Okita almost killing each other while playing some sort of console game with robotic bugs. On the other side of the room Shinpachi was glued to mini statues of Otsu-chan and sharing his love for the famous idol with Hijikata whose otaku persona had apparently come out at the sight of so many pretty PVCs.

"What the hell is going on?" Shoving a few more coins inside the pachinko machine absentmindedly, Gintoki caught a glimpse of a varnished wooden shelve filled with sake and other kinds of booze. On another corner of the room was a pile of magazines and comic books. Could some of those be porn mags? Gintoki's brain began adding one plus one and as soon as he noticed Kondo and Yamazaki walking towards the supposed exit he understood. This first level was purposefully filled with superficial addictions to distract them while time ran out. Kondo and Yamazaki had simply gotten lucky since none of their vices were around. Gintoki turned to Kagura as fast as lightning.

"OI! KAGURA! Leave that damn game and go after the gorilla, we're wasting time here!" Gintoki shouted.

"Wait just a minute Gin-chan, lemme just beat this rotting abscess to a pulp first!"

"Forget it! Just leave it there and go!" Gintoki turned to Shinpachi "Shinpachi, stop indulging your creepy adolescent desires and go after Gorilla and Jimmy-kun! NOW!"

"You go Gin-san! I'm too busy here. This limited edition model of Otsu-chan isn't even available in the internet for pre-order, how amazing is that! Look at the pattern in her kimono, this is something unseen before! Hey Toshi look at this..."

Gintoki took a deep breath of anguish. Not only were Kagura and Shinpachi useless, but he also had to endure the deplorable sight of Toshi the otaku. He decided to vent his frustration with a few swings at his pachinko machine only to realize how worthless he was as well. Gintoki was getting desperate. He searched his pockets for coins and counted the change he still had left. How ironically convenient, it was quite a lot! and Kondo and Yamazaki were already ahead with God knows how many more minutes and flights of stairs. A cold sweat ran down his neck.

"Shit! Why is pachinko so addicting!" Gintoki yelled out in frustration. He slammed the damn machine with anger and suddenly, beside him, Hasegawa struck a win. Dozens of little pachinko balls reeled out and dropped to the floor once the outbox was overloaded with them. They rolled down the floor and reached the area where Kagura and Okita were playing. In a move of fate, Kagura tripped on one of the balls and fell back taking Okita with her. The two crashed into Shinpachi and Hijikata on the other side of the room while tripping on more and more pachinko balls. The console's controllers had been pulled along with them, as well as the console and the TV, making the electricity cable unplug itself from the socket.

"Nooo! My game! I was so close!" Kagura whined as soon as she came to her senses. Okita got up on his two feet and darted for the exit.

"Close? I was about to destroy you China midget. I won't be so merciful next time. So long, sucker!" he disappeared through the door and Kagura didn't take long to follow him.

"That piece of shit! Gin-chan let's go! Let's beat that asshole on level two!"

Shinpachi and Hijikata's daze was also broken. The latter went after Okita to the second level without a word and Shinpachi allowed himself a few moments of grief over the ruined statues before his fire of vengeance was re-lit.

"Gin-san let's go. We can't let those Shinsengumi dogs win after this!" Shinpachi roared as loud as he could. Gintoki nodded and got up. He was amazed at the ease with which he had just detached himself from the pachinko machine. He glanced towards the door to the next level and a smile took over his lips as he caught a glimpse of a raven head.

 _Oh I see_.

"Gin-san, where you goin'? I feel we can still have another win!" Hasegawa told him from his firm spot by the pachinko machine.

"Sorry Hasegawa, pachinko isn't addicting enough" he said with a smirk. Hasegawa looked at him perplexed and then focused again on the game before him.

"I hope you're not letting the Gorilla take your wife's luxury trip because of pachinko. I don't think she can't get any more humiliated than that"

* * *

When Gintoki arrived to the next floor he entered a small locker room. Shinpachi was still there, tying up his helmet.

"What's all that for?" Gintoki exclaimed. Shinpachi was wearing a heavily pocketed vest and holding a long gun between his knees. He adjusted his helmet and grabbed the gun proudly.

"Paintball, Gin-san" he said with a straight face "We have to reach the next exit without paint or else we're thrown out and the team has to go on without us. They are all inside already. Good luck to you"

"Wait-! Shinpachi!" Gintoki grabbed the nearest vest and put it on "We'll enter at the same time. That way we can cover for each other"

"Oh right"

Once Gintoki was ready they gripped their paint-guns tightly and kicked the door to the next area with their feet. The first thing they saw was green. Green everywhere.

"What's this? How did they manage to put a jungle inside the building? This is nuts!" Shinpachi had difficulty trying to tone down his surprise.

"Ask those questions later" Gintoki whispered to him "Follow me"

They walked near the wall, hidden behind bushes and trees. It really was incredible how the contest staff had managed to pull a living forest like that inside the building. They could barely see the ceiling if they looked up. The gigantic division was packed with vegetation, even the floor was earthy and grassy.

"The Amanto sponsors must be loaded to be able to do something like this" Gintoki reasoned. Shinpachi's awe was reply enough.

Out of nowhere a bullet of blue paint hit the wall a centimeter above Shinpachi's head. Gintoki instinctively ducked and pulled Shinpachi down with him. They hit the floor in a foul manner and crawled behind a massive bush to regain the air that had escaped their lungs.

"Shit... it's them. They're blue right?" Gintoki asked, trying to peer ahead towards the direction of the shooter.

"Yes. Do you think we have a chance, Gin-san? They're the Shisengumi, this is what they're good at" Shinpachi said preoccupied. Gintoki sighed.

"Don't worry Shinpachi. The soul and skill of paintball rests in the heart of the player. This is not war. This is survival"

"You're not helping Gin-san-"

"Look out!"

Gintoki shoved Shinpachi to the side and they both rolled away from a succession of blue paint balls. They splashed the wall blue and the roots of the bushes mercilessly. _Okita_.

"Pachi-boy listen, go ahead and try to find Kagura. I'll cover for you. Now, go!"

Shinpachi nodded firmly and as soon as Gintoki got up he ran past him towards the next jumble of bushes. Gintoki shot six balls in Okita's direction and backed down again to reload. The rock hiding the Shisengumi devil was covered in vivid red.

"Not bad Danna" Okita said from his spot "Finished reloading?"

"Who knows? I'm better with my bokuto than with these guns" Gintoki replied calmly. He peeked over towards Shinpachi direction and was relieved to see he had moved on. It was his turn to occupy that vacant position.

"We can put that to the test. See, I'm in a pinch here" Okita continued.

"I also need to move forward. Those free-passes don't come that free at all" Gintoki told him. He then heard a dozen shots in the distance quite near them. He took the opportunity to run and apparently Okita did the same. They both shot at each other while on eyesight. Gintoki then threw himself behind a tree and kept shooting towards Okita who instead of ducking kept sprinting until he disappeared from sight. Gintoki had to squint his eyes and look attentively towards his direction to be sure he was gone.

"Damn rat" Gintoki groped his vest to count the paintball ammunition he still had "Not bad... hardly spent them"

Believing he was all alone for at least fifty yards, Gintoki chose to proceed and thus walked slowly in search of a target. Sometimes he heard a dangerous rustle of leaves and footsteps but he never found anyone. He ran across a deserted clearing feeling too exposed and entered another cluster of trees ahead. A tangle of lianas in front of him was filled with blue and red paint everywhere. Kagura and Shinpachi could not be too far. Gintoki was about to move through the tangle when he heard a few twigs cracking. He assumed a defensive stance at once and crouched. He took a few steps backwards while assessing the view before his eyes. Someone was very very near him, he knew it. Another crack sent a jolt of anxiety up his spine and he stood up, gun pointing ahead.

"Who's there?" He growled. At that moment another back collided with his and both men swung around at the same time, pointing their paint guns at each other. Neither pulled the trigger.

"Aaah. I was wondering when I'd find you" Gintoki could not help the smug look corrupting his face.

"I knew we would meet eventually" Hijikata said coldly.

"You've been very assertive about that lately" Gintoki mused. The jolt of surprise that had previously ran up his spine must have stuck some sort of excitement button. His heart was beating madly inside his chest again, spreading boiling blood throughout his body. His head and neck were so hot he thought he would suffocate right then and there. Thoughts of jumping Hijikata popped in his head a mile per hour. It was just _so_ tempting. Who cared about the damned prize, he Shinpachi and Kagura would keep starving for lives to come. Hijikata wouldn't remain docile and needy for much longer.

"Hey do you-" Gintoki's indecent proposition was cut short with a loud foreign cry. Hijikata's unreadable gaze turned into one of concern as he recognized Kondo's voice.

"Shit!" Hijikata moved fast. He pushed Gintoki and the two guns clanked. To avoid getting shot at, Gintoki retreated and dodged a kick from Hijikata who insisted on keeping Gintoki's aim as far away from him as possible. He started running away towards Kondo without a second thought. This annoyed Gintoki greatly and he felt way beyond provoked by the absent man.

"Fucking gorilla!"

Gintoki ran after Hijikata towards the sound of heavy firing. He managed to conceal himself in a rocky terrain by laying down on the ground. However, as soon as he raised his head blue shots were discharged in his direction. Gintoki rolled over, almost getting targeted by an inch.

"Oi, Gin-san! Over here!" Hasegawa called a dozen meters away. He left his spot behind a tree and covered Gintoki while the latter joined him. Splats of paint showered the path between them and the two Shisengumi officials.

"Nice to know you escaped the pachinko hell" Gintoki complimented him "Did you see Shinpachi and Kagura?"

"Thanks Gin-san" Hasegawa unleashed the rest of his gun and then retreated to reload "I only saw the China girl a few minutes ago. I think she got one of them"

"Probably Yamazaki..." Gintoki muttered to himself. He dodged a few shots from Hijikata and counter-attacked.

"We'll be here the whole day if we keep this up" Gintoki rambled "And I'm starting to get hungry. Must be way past parfait time... shit! Eat this!"

"Look Gin-san! The Gorilla is out in the open!" Hasegawa yelled. Gintoki stopped his fire to look at Kondo. He was making a run towards the nearest wall.

"Maybe there's the exit!"

"I'll get him!" Hasegawa told him. He aimed towards Kondo and shot a few times. Gintoki was about to do the same when he heard Hijikata's voice.

"Kondo-san watch out!"

Gintoki's mouth was left ajar when Hijikata ran up and shielded Kondo from Hasegawa's shots. His vest was splashed with red and he stumbled a little from the impact of the paint balls.

"Shit!..." Hasegawa cussed a dozen curses. Gintoki was rooted to the ground next to him, mildly stunned. The sting of jealousy that had been prickling him before was now entirely lodged inside his rational self.

"Go on Hasegawa. Get to next level. I'll keep the loser in his place" he instructed the bum icily. Hasegawa nodded and dashed away. Hijikata, as predicted, began unloading the rest of his ammunition towards him but Gintoki quickly intervened and shot Hijikata right in the chest two times in a row. Then he aimed for his feet and Hijikata was forced to step back. By the time Gintoki ran out of paint balls Hasegawa was nowhere in sight.

"You pulled quite a show Vice-Captain. Unable lose your post even in paintball, how honorable" Gintoki muttered incoherently while walking towards Hijikata. The latter was down by the floor and he gripped his gun firmly when Gintoki was barely a meter away.

"What are you doing?" he asked dubiously.

"I'm unable to wait anymore" Gintoki replied shortly. He was beyond tired and sick of his own mind games and complexes, of the never ending wait that was corroding his insides and sanity. He needed one thing and he needed it now. Gintoki grabbed Hijikata's right arm which still held his gun tightly. Hijikata's eyes were glued to his face trying to unravel whatever mystery he could not grasp about the situation. It pleased Gintoki greatly though.

"Don't blame me" his voice was bland and Gintoki even managed to pull off a smile. He pointed the gun to his chest and, with fingers above Hijikata's, pressed the gun three times blotting his vest and uniform with blue paint. Hijikata could not suppress a yelp and he sent an angry and very perplexed glare at Gintoki.

"Are you fucking mental?"

"Let's leave here" Gintoki said ignoring his yelling. He untied his helmet, bringing his silver hair to light and then stretched his hands towards Hijikata to untie his. The other man was so confused he didn't twitch a muscle.

"What about the prize?"

"I already have mine. I just need to claim it" Gintoki said slyly. He got up and extended a hand to Hijikata.

He took it without a second thought.

* * *

Gintoki closed the door of the room behind him soundlessly. He never thought he could miss a lousy motel room so much. Who would have thought that in the end they would return to this, like nothing had ever happened? It was bordering the ridiculous. However, so much had changed. Gintoki didn't even know which torn to pluck out first. He just wanted to heal.

Hijikata threw his jacket over the bed disrupting Gintoki's thoughts. He barely stopped the former in time as he began unbuttoning his shirt. He wasn't going to let him have _that_ satisfaction. Besides, there was something Gintoki needed to know first. For a long time now. He halted Hijikata's strip and took a hold of one of his hands. He intertwined their fingers and searched for the other's gaze.

"Why'd you kiss me back?" Gintoki's voice cut deep in the silence of the room.

"W-what?" Hijikata's wide open eyes locked with his at once.

"Earlier today. Don't evade the question" Gintoki urged him on and stepped closer "This is important" his free hand went in search of Hijikata's other arm unconsciously.

"What about claiming your prize, what am I here for then?" Hijikata retorted with vexation. Gintoki's lips curled to a simper.

"We'll get to that in a second, I just need to know or I won't be able to go on"

"What the hell!"

"Hijikata!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Why did you do it. Doesn't get any simpler than that" Gintoki said regaining some tension. Hijikata's tone became defiant.

"Because I felt like it"

"Aaah! That's not good enough!" Gintoki replied relentlessly. His other hand captured the one Hijikata was concealing and he shook him obstinately.

"I told you-!"

Gintoki kissed Hijikata in a whim. He didn't meant to prove anything but Hijikata kissed him back nevertheless. Only after a few seconds of delight did Gintoki decide to take advantage of the situation. He pulled back and basked in his smugness.

"That" he nudged Hijikata's lips "Why?"

"Because I feel like it" Hijikata answered promptly and almost biting Gintoki's jawline.

"You're a despicable asshole"

"Don't start me on offenses permhead"

"It's because you're such a lying bastard that I have to" Gintoki let go of Hijikata's hands and slammed him down on the bed with a hard shove.

"I'm not lying" Hijikata told him with a serious face. Gintoki's control was pouring out of his every pore. His kimono was already scattered on the floor when he began zipping down his shirt.

"You're not answering it decently either"

"What do you want me to say then?"

"That you miss me and then perhaps a fucking apology, you dick"

Hijikata hit him hard in the head and smirked.

"Don't get greedy"

"It's my prize, my rules, my greed, my..."

"What? Cat got your tongue, smart-ass?"

Gintoki's smug disappeared from his face for an instant. He was actually afraid to say it, to even admit it to himself. ' _My...?'_

"My addiction?"

"Fucking pervert"


	9. There Is A Side We Don't Hide But Which We Can Never Show

Ecstasy was not the exact word. It could be if this was a normal story involving normal decent people but such is not the case. Whatever it was Hijikata was feeling at the moment was either too embarrassing or too shameful to admit, yet it could not be anything else and for that he was secretly thankful.

Hijikata's tiny stash of gratitude had already started to deplete from the moment Gintoki had shot himself with his paint gun and dragged him along to the hotel room. More than a couple of reasons explained this.

Unbeknown to most if not all of Hijikata's acquaintances (one could never say anything definitive about Okita's knowledge), he had dreaded each day that had passed since his complete loss of self-control during that unforgettable afternoon of reunion. Hijikata had never meant anything like it to happen. He believed so himself and though deep inside his tormented mind he might have expected something from Gintoki, a touch, a kiss, a word, the slightest thing, he had never thought he could react so abnormally like he did. To put it simply, Hijikata had no idea how much he truly missed the silver haired man. It was not even comical at that point, it was terrifying.

He acknowledged it the second he closed himself in his room later that day. The scene could not help repeating itself in his mind and again and again Hijikata felt his blood boil with shame and his bones tingle with fear. He considered the possibility he might have gone insane. He even checked the recent activities of the Shinsengumi to look for any chemical or alien substances that might have tampered with his system. Of course none whatsoever had approached the premises of the barracks much less of his own being. Hijikata was once more condemned to the temper of his wild emotions and victim of his body. Nothing could be done about that. The nights went by in the same torturing fashion of his summer ones and although the weather had cooled down his bedroom remained his own personal hell.

Furthermore, Gintoki had managed to swiftly destroy his defenses without even doing anything taunting enough. His usual invasion of privacy and sudden moves were easy to avoid. Hijikata knew better than to allow the bastard his comfort zone yet he didn't retaliate or dodge his antics. He let Gintoki saunter around and play with him. He eagerly waited for him to come closer; he indulged himself in his kiss and returned it right back. The more Hijikata thought about it the worse he felt but it all went away as soon as he saw Gintoki again at that stupid contest. His pent up anxiety dissipated like vapor before those nonchalant red eyes. Gintoki's whole frame seemed to give Hijikata the forgiveness he needed regardless of what it was he truly wanted. Gintoki was as difficult to read as ever and in spite of sharing a number of oddities with him, Hijikata was too gullible in his own way to begin to understand the silver haired man's desires.

Not that he didn't get them _now_ , amidst messy bedsheets and sweaty skins, busy limbs trying to find the most pleasurable spots while holding the other person at the same time.

Hijikata didn't even manage to get completely rid of his white shirt with all the hurry. They were both so desperate for contact that the first patch of skin visible got all the attention possible until it was sucked dry. Gintoki marked Hijikata's body at an alarming speed and by the time they were both completely naked their clothes might have slid down on their own given all the sweat covering their slippery skins.

The first round ended pretty quickly as they jerked one another teasingly and were unable to contain themselves. Gintoki in particular was quite mad afterwards, cursing at Hijikata for being so damn arousing. Hijikata ignored him, blushing red throughout his pores, and took advantage of his so-called allure to provoke Gintoki. His milky skin, peachy nipples and cocky smile did things to Gintoki only his groin truly knew. The latter tackled him instantly, clutching his head in place and ravishing his mouth in a fury. The bed yielded beneath them and creaked with the abrupt move.

Needless to say the second and third rounds were rough and aggressive. The initial pain was gone in a matter of seconds as Gintoki began pounding harder and harder into Hijikata and eliciting the exact sounds he wanted when he wanted them. Hijikata was his to manipulate and he moaned and groaned accordingly as the silver haired man hit his sweet spot over and over again. He would never say it but it was impossible not to submit to Gintoki. The way he had with him even when they were violent, puling hair and biting and scratching was just too fucking good. Hijikata's mind lingered between pleasurable lightness and lustful anxiety. The burning friction of bodies drove him nearly insane and his chest heaved dangerously with anticipation of the climax. Gintoki's muffled breaths heated the area around his neck and whenever he rose his head to kiss him they mixed with his own.

"So tight-"

Despite the fact that putting their sturdy muscles to such a questionable purpose was blissful, it didn't mean that they held on for longer. Gintoki's ramming soothed eventually and so did Hijikata's clenching around his cock once they came for the third time. Hijikata loosened the death grip he had on Gintoki's shoulders and used the back of his hand to brush away the sweaty strands of hair clouding his vision. Gintoki lost his strained expression as well, easing the rugged lines between his eyebrows, and gave Hijikata a weak smile. He intended to pull out but the Vice-Captain didn't let him go. Somehow the thought of being empty again frightened him. Hijikata was unable to blush any further so his red cheeks didn't make any difference. It were his pleading blue eyes that conquered Gintoki, even though the latter didn't need any encouragement other than the needy tightness pulling him in.

"Do you want to kill me?" Gintoki groaned "You make me fucking crazy, you know that?"

Gintoki's raring grunts sent shivers down Hijikata's spine. He purred in response while feeling imaginary goose bumps appear all over his heated skin.

"Get on with it" he replied in a husky tone, trying his best not to moan deliberately. Gintoki didn't need to be told twice.

It was all nice and slow this time. Both men still trembled from the previous vicious play, yet they found a steady pace without struggle. It allowed them to continue for a few minutes more and enjoy the short night they had together for as long as possible. After so many months of separation it seemed that not even one second could be wasted, especially now that the two were being as honest as they could.

Gintoki slid in and out of Hijikata gradually, taking his time to feel everything as if for the first time. His face held a serious expression showing how focused he was in his task of pleasuring Hijikata. Nevertheless the effort was not one-sided. Hijikata clung to him tightly, sensing his muscles flex and tense under his fingertips. He was sure Gintoki would fall to the side with a cramp if he kept going therefore he placed his trembling hands above Gintoki's shoulders and pushed him back onto the mattress never breaking apart. Gintoki sent him a glare of protest but it was quickly replaced by a cheeky smirk once he noticed Hijikata's figure straddling over his, lifting himself up and arching his back.

"Well... isn't this a nice view..." Gintoki uttered between deep breaths. Hijikata gasped aloud realizing how much the position exposed him.

"Shut up!" he grunted frustrated.

Gintoki let out a few chuckles and pulled Hijikata in for a kiss. Hijikata yielded automatically, wrapping his arms around Gintoki's neck and replying fiercely to the kiss which brought forth a number of guttural moans from the man under him. When he pulled away for a breath Gintoki stole it with a single deep thrust. The sudden move made Hijikata cry out shamefully in pleasure as it readjusted Gintoki's member inside him and allowed both men a perfect and satisfying angle.

"That good?" Gintoki teased.

Hijikata was a whimpering mess after just a few minutes and began losing strength and stamina as he reached his last orgasm. Gintoki noticed it too and proceeded to reverse their positions again. He sped his thrusting and pumped Hijikata's arousal equally. The Vice-Captain's hips met with Gintoki's fast rhythm and sooner than later he was climaxing a white starry heaven with arms above his head and hands covering his eyes. Gintoki followed suit and bit down Hijikata's exposed neck where a protruding vein pulsed frantically.

"You. really. are. hard. to. please" he muttered, each word followed by a thrust.

"Aaah...aah... Gin..toki..." Hijikata didn't have any reason or logic with which to reply; just nonsensical blubber. He felt Gintoki spurting his final load inside of him and then collapsing on top of him. Hijkata's arms fell from their position at Gintoki's back and he went limp against his body.

"Shit..." Gintoki mumbled with his head buried in Hijikata's chest "I'm pulling out now, _Toshiro_ "

Hijikata's exhausted expression suddenly brimmed with surprise. His eyes bulged out and his heart, unable to beat any faster than it already was, received a surge of warmth. Hijikata felt Gintoki's smile kiss his collarbone and while he pulled out he did it so gently that Hijikata felt every inch of him moving out.

"I'll be the one doing sexy demands next time" Gintoki whined. He lifted his head to appraise Hijikata's befuddled expression and kissed him softly, barely grazing their lips together.

Hijikata felt his breath ghost over his red swollen lips and closed his eyes tiredly. He tried to calm down his heart, but he could only think about how loud it was and how humiliating it felt to have Gintoki hearing such a frantic beat.

"Oh, are you that happy?"

Hijikata placed a hand over his eyes and ignored the question. His cute act made Gintoki giggle and he kissed Hijikata's chest right above his heart.

"I'll let you get away with this one" Gintoki told him. Then he rolled over to the side and occupied the remaining space of the bed with his tired figure.

Hijikata did not move a millimeter from his spot. His whole body was being consumed with fatigue and his heart with ache. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was Gintoki's wide back looming over him with the scars of their love making.

* * *

It was still dark when Hijikata opened his eyes. His body was wrapped in white bedsheets and he was surveying an empty space by his side. The sight did not shock him at first. His dreamy state forbade him from conceiving Gintoki's absence and not long after his eyes adjusted to the dark did he hear the confirmation of such assumption. The sound of running water escaping from the adjoining bathroom comforted him in the most silly way. Hijikata found himself smiling foolishly and hid his face in his pillow.

The giddiness poured out uncontrollably yet as soon as the sound of the shower ceased, Hijikata froze completely. The reality of facing Gintoki crushed any happiness whatsoever. His heart began to pound so strongly against his ribcage he was afraid it would leave a definite dent on his chest. He had to calm the fuck down. Where did all the elation even come from? It had just been sex. _Just_ fucking _sex_.

Gintoki turned the knob of the bathroom door and Hijikata stiffened. He wiggled his toes and bit his bottom lip to kill the anxiety and then pretended to be asleep, settling in the most unassuming sleeping position he could muster.

While facing the window, far from any sight of Gintoki, he inhaled the sweet scent coming from the freshly showered man. The steam traveling in the air brought only good things to his senses and Hijikata never had to control himself from making any sort of noise as he did now. Obviously, he didn't have anything smart to say even if he wanted to. Whatever it was he could possibly retort would only sound dumb and pathetic. However, he felt that any breath he took was too loud, every little shuffling of bedsheets blaring. His nerves were a disaster waiting to happen.

He heard the rustling of Gintoki's clothes as the man dressed himself and the action prompted two very simple questions. What time was it? Why was Gintoki getting ready to leave? The whole lewd ordeal had made him forget time and dates and the previous fear of waking up to an empty bed seized Hijikata. He immediately fell into a pit of disappointment and regret. He should have never come. He should have stayed back. He didn't need to suffer the consequences of his strange acquaintance with Gintoki again. What had gotten over him? Why was he so stupid? A row of self-depreciating thoughts and harsh criticism flooded Hijikata's mind. He felt so heavy it was a wonder he still had not fallen through the bed onto the floor below.

"Aaah..." Gintoki slumped on the bed beside Hijikata with a loud sigh. The abrupt move surprised the later and prevented any oncoming teeth grinding. Hijikata focused on remaining as quiet as he could and shut his eyes tightly. He couldn't thank the heavens enough for having his back towards the silver haired man. What a blessing.

"Are you asleep?" Gintoki's monotone voice filled the room. Hijikata did not respond.

"Probably, right?" Gintoki replied to himself. He seemed to be laying on his back with hands behind his head.

"I'm sorry I have to leave you so soon. I'd stay here through the whole sunrise cuddling but I'm needed somewhere else for other unpleasant things. Not that I'd let you know of course... about the cuddling" he added slyly. Hijikata felt a warmth rising to his cheeks.

"You never noticed by the way" Gintoki said nonchalantly "Because I never did it" a vein popped in Hijikata's hidden forehead.

"Ahaha, kidding~"

 _Are you fucking with me?_ Hijikata lashed out mentally.

"The owner slipped a note under the door. Apparently the kids found out where we are. I bet your sadistic little beast had a say in that. He's like a fucking mind-reader. Does he read Conan or something?" Gintoki rambled annoyed "Doesn't matter"

Hijikata's mood stooped to a new low as Sougo was mentioned. He did not want to be reminded of such existence while in bed naked with another man. Sougo and his family felt morbid and inappropriate under the circumstances. Moreover, it did not take much for his mind to jump to other Okita family member who he had already buried and made peace with.

"It seems there were some problems with those contest guys and the kids need me. The dog too" Gintoki continued "They looked shady from the start now that I think about it. The prizes were too good. You never give prizes that good without a catch..." Gintoki trailed away "We both know that better than anyone, don't we?"

Whether Gintoki was grinning or absolutely unfazed Hijikata had no way of knowing. The rhetoric sent a shiver up his spine and he knew for certain Gintoki was alluding to issues of the past which were never truly forgotten. They all amounted to the complex relationship both currently had and were still trying to figure out.

"Talking to you like this makes me feel like we're married"

Hijikata choked on his blood but managed not to move a muscle. What the hell was that bastard saying?

"Gross" Gintoki commented "Or is it really? I never thought seriously about it. Maybe I should, especially if you plan on stopping by during the nights like you used to. Kagura never asked me anything, you know? It's pretty fucking weird. What if someday I'm out to buy Jump and find a stack of gay porn she drew based on us or something? Scaaary"

_Sickening!_

"Anyway, I must sound like a goddamn fool talking to you while you're asleep. Is this a monologue? Is it? Feels familiar. Have we ever done a monologue episode before? We have, haven't we?"

_No we haven't!_

"You know, I'm just a massive coward" Gintoki's droning voice suddenly changed tone. The atmosphere altered accordingly to a terrible sense of awareness.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you but I don't see myself saying it outside my monologue. Pretty lame, eh? I don't think I've ever said it to anyone before. I always assume people know already, but this time it's different. Because it's you- it's harder. And it fucks me up how necessary it is to say it. Otherwise I don't know. I just don't want to go through that shit again... like you know, fucking idiot"

Hijikata lay very still. He was glad Gintoki tended to ramble because if he took all the crap he said raw he would probably kill himself with the embarrassment or impatience.

"-no, forget it. I'm not saying anything. It's better that way. I'm not very sane to begin with, I don't know what would happen if I said it. I'd probably lose my remaining marbles. Just thinking about it is enough to drive me nuts" Gintoki rasped irritated.

Hijikata was too numbed with feelings to care.

"Shit, I sound like a melodramatic fifteen year old, don't I? Fuck. Where's my shoujo manga when I need it... Yes! That's it! I'll do research! Kagura must have those unearthly sissy things hidden under her pillow or inside some secret compartment in her closet. I think she has a spaceship in there. Shoujo mangas must fit too... somehow..." Gintoki kept mumbling to himself and got out of bed in the process.

Hijikata, who had his eyes wide open, took a few seconds to notice it and then closed them at once. He had been listening so intently he had forgotten he was supposed to be faking his sleep. Nevertheless, having his eyes shut and his mind engulfed in darkness was actually very soothing and he swam by his thoughts easily. Deciphering Gintoki was always difficult, however, now more than ever Hijikata needed to know what he was thinking; he needed to understand what the fuck was going on which he usually didn't because it was too much of a hassle and if he did, it would mean giving Gintoki an importance Hijikata did not want to acknowledge before.

Too bad things had changed.

Hijikata resurfaced from his storm of thoughts and slowly began opening his eyes. They were bare slits of faint light when he noticed a figure standing by his bedside staring right at him.

Fuck.

Give his stealth training some credit, Hijikata closed back the slits of his eyes carefully and prayed for mercy. Unfortunately, his prayers were cast off by the deafening sound of his heartbeats. He could feel Gintoki approaching, his lips coming closer and closer and his soft breaths tickling his face.

A hand came to rest upon his cheek and then it reached upwards to brush away dark strands of hair. A habit Gintoki had to disarm Hijikata and have a better look at his face.

"Hijikata, I..."

_What the fuck is happening!_

Perhaps it was the fact that he couldn't see anything at all that Gintoki's voice sounded so tender; every sense in Hijikata's body was overflowing unnecessarily as well. His heart was throbbing madly and he had to grip the bedsheets to keep up his facade. He was torn between disbelief and confusion.

"I..." Gintoki's words were stuck in his mouth "...I ... I- shit, this is not how I wanted to do this" he grunted.

Hijikata unconsciously furrowed his eyebrows with frustration and after few more minutes of silence he looked up and noticed Gintoki was gone. Had he given up? What was he going to say?

_I want to hear it._

However, the last thing Hijikata heard before the bedroom door closed was a simple mediocre complaint.

"This is definitely not how I wanted to confess"

* * *

Hijikata was stricken by so much stupor he fell asleep again. What little of Gintoki's bullshit had actually transpired into his system was too ridiculous to be taken seriously and therefore he tried not to feel pressured. Indeed, he had wanted to understand Gintoki earlier on. But not anymore. Understanding that shithead had become too dangerous to even consider doing it, not to mention they were both threading on a limbo neither one had any experience of.

Hijikata woke up to the sound of his cellphone ringing. It shrieked so loudly the whole room seemed to tremble.

"What?" he spat out morosely after emerging from the depths of the pillows.

"Sir, we have a situation at the Oedo Terminal. The Amanto sponsorship of yesterday's contest was a scam. The supposed sponsors wanted to take the opportunity to do illegal trading with various rebel organizations stationed on Earth. They are planning to flee, please come quickly" the voice of one of his subordinates said eagerly. Hijikata groaned in agreement and hung up.

He stepped out of bed tiredly and entered the bathroom. Although his body ached everywhere, the sweet shower gel scent he had smelled earlier on Gintoki turned him on and he was forced to take care of his sudden arousal under boiling water.

"I can't believe this shit-"

The events of the past night fueled his desire; thoughts of Gintoki's heated skin moving against his; their needy kisses; it was preposterous but Hijikata could not help himself. He came with a suppressed moan and slid down the tiled wall of the shower breathless.

"What's wrong with me..."

It was hard to believe that the urgency and gravity of his job had become irrelevant. Gintoki calling his name was the only thing ringing in his ears.

* * *

One didn't have to be a genius to link Gintoki's early departure to the ruckus that was happening at the Oedo Terminal. The presence of the three Yorozuya members was the first thing Hijikata was informed of as soon as he arrived.

"Sir! Captain Okita went joining them inside the ship. Should we charge in as well?" Harada suggested politely. He and Hijikata were standing outside a massive spaceship along with a troop of Shinsengumi officials dispatched at the Vice Commander's order.

"No. Get me a plan of the ship and a transmitter" Hijikata ordered. Yamazaki who was standing by aloof nodded his head and hurried away at once.

"Have we got any word from Sougo yet?"

"No, sir. Not since he plunged in after Yorozuya's Danna" Harada replied.

"You saw him too?"

"Yes, sir. He came storming in looking for the two kids"

Hijikata snorted. S _ome_ things certainly didn't change.

"We'll wait until we get some feedback" Hijikata instructed "Meanwhile-"

A big explosion interrupted the Vice Commander's directives abruptly. The ground shook slightly and burning debris flew all over the Shinsengumi's heads savagely due to the sudden impact.

"Get down!" Hijikata cried out. The troops ran back and proceeded to evacuate any civilians from the gate.

"Sir, we should go!" Harada said while ducking a meteor-like piece of steel.

"No!" Hijikata roared "Wait for Sougo" he insisted. Hijikata refused to leave without knowing for sure that Gintoki and the kids were safe, Okita too but not so much.

"But, sir... if the situation escalates"

Hijikata took out his pack of cigarettes while pondering the possibility of entering the damned ship himself. If he was alone it would have been a very simple choice, however, he was responsible for almost thirty men outside and hundreds of civilians near the premises. His hands were tied.

"I've brought the ship's plans, sir!" Yamazaki returned out of breath. Harada grabbed them and unfolded the papers on top of the car front.

"I'll look for a side entry, sir" he said determinedly. Hijikata nodded and lit a cigarrete.

"See if there's one far from the damaged area. Is this a new model? What's the probability of it blowing all up?"

"Low, sir. These new ships have improved fire-suppression systems. I think the only way of it exploding entirely is the auto-destruct" Harada replied perusing over the plans.

Hijikata cussed silently. He had to call for reinforcements if he wanted to make an incursion. Dividing his current men in half would not do it.

"Yamazaki, call Kondo-san and ask for back-up" Hijikata barked "Harada go gather twenty men and wait for me"

His two subordinates nodded fiercely and scampered away. Hijikata stood by the car surveying the ship's plans and smoking what was left of his cigarette.

It was hard to look at the ship itself without being consumed by an irrational urge to go inside. Wondering whether everything was fine or not was not as hateful as needing to be there fighting alongside _him_. Of the many different sides of Gintoki 'the swordsman' was the one Hijikata admired the most. Perhaps it was the forbidden darkness it bore that made it so alluring. Hijikata wasn't sure, but he craved for more. As terrible as it was to say, Gintoki was never enough. There was always some other crappy layer to peel away. Something new to discover. And endless mass of layers that made him so fascinating. Little did Hijikata knew how close to the core he had been that morning.

But he was stupid so it absolved him.

"Vice-Commander! We're ready!"

Once Harada's cry reached his ears another explosion ravaged the spaceship. Everyone ducked and glanced at the source of the havoc. Out through the main entrance came Kagura and Shinpachi running. Seconds later Hasegawa and a couple of terrified Amanto popped out as well. A handful of Shinsengumi officers ran towards them instantly arresting them on the spot. Hijikata walked to the kids with a stern expression on his face to mask his worry.

"What the hell is going on-" his roar was halted by Kagura's tearful yells.

"GIN-CHAANN!"

Shinpachi also shouted miserably.

"Gin-saaan!"

The cigarette on Hijikata's mouth fell to the ground with the sudden numbness. He placed a hand on Shinpachi's shoulder to catch his attention and the four-eyes turned around helplessly.

"Hijikata-san!" he exclaimed surprised. There were scratches on his face and body as well as on Kagura's. Apparently both had finished fighting their own battles and managed to escape.

"Hijikata-san!"

"Where is he?" Hijikata asked directly.

"Still inside-"

"He is trapped!" Kagura shrieked.

Hijikata didn't need further incentive. His heart got the best of him and before he knew it his legs darted towards the ship's entrance. He left the howls of his men behind and ran with one thought in mind.


	10. Keep Your Socks With You At All Times

Gintoki was trying to focus on the game. Swear to god, cross his heart and hope to die he was. His attempt was not even prompted by trying. He really had to win the stupid game or else everybody in a radius of fifty miles was on to some third degree burns and painful agonizing death. A nice way to spend the weekend some would say, nonetheless Gintoki had to disappoint the minority and save the rest. He was used to it really. What he wasn't used to though were the tantalizing images that kept flashing inside his head during one decisive match of _Ztreet Fighter X_ against those wretched aliens. It was a matter of life or death and yet the lechery persisted. Gyu's outbursts of _Hadouken!_ and his cries during the combos were easily transformed into needy moans and deep grunts of pleasure which Gintoki couldn't stop his brain from replaying. It had been too good. Gintoki was not even sure he had deserved that much and now Hijikata couldn't get out of his mind. To say it was insane would be an understatement. The desires which used to beckon Gintoki were fueled to a new unparalleled extreme he had no power over. As he punched the buttons of the controller away, completely without skill giving the mental distraction, he was certain that if he did not die from the explosion which losing the _Ztreet Fighter X_ Tournament would ensure, then he was definitely going to die from being such a degenerate perverted old fool. Or he could simply die from an overdose of aroused Hijikata or the provocative sounds that he made when Gintoki was inside h-

"I'm losing my fucking mind here!"

The aliens, all twenty of them, gave him a malicious sideways glance and snickered, whispering little snippets of amusement to each other. They were winning 4 to 0 and thus Gintoki had lost both his boots, his kimono and his pants. He had thought the latter to be the safest choice since discarding his shirt would present a rather questioning state of his back to the aliens, however, as his erection became more and more perceptible through the fabric of his boxers, Gintoki quickly regretted his decision of discarding the pants. The stares fixated on his back would have probably brought back the memories more easily but at least the result of recalling them would have been better concealed.

"Hey, Trout-face, if I win this round you don't have to strip. Just gimme back my pants. What do you say?" Gintoki suggested.

Nineteen aliens turned to glare at him. Most of the shoal yelled a _NO_ in response and two short chubby ones shrieked "It's Trout-sama for you!" in high-pitched voices. Gintoki mentally named them Fat 1 and Fat 2.

"Shut up you lot, I was asking Trout-face" Gintoki replied in an annoyed tone.

The aliens had masked themselves as humans during the contest so nothing about their shady business and nature could be noticed. It had been an effective measure were not for the smell that had begun to stink during the award ceremony. Okita swore it was something quite rotten as he unfolded the story to Gintoki on their way to the Oedo Terminal. At the time Gintoki gave little attention to the account and preferred to give free reign to his imagination allowing the true form of the aliens to be some sort of mermaid-like thing but noooooo. He was dead wrong again. They were bipedal things, scaly from head to toe, with big wide eyes and fish faces, some salmons, others sardines, others tuna, lots of tuna, and then their leader the Trout-face. Their plan was to kidnap the winning team and fatten them up in order to feed the Trout-face's pet back on their home planet. Apparently human flesh was its favorite candy and the freak had just hit the jackpot with a double treat. The walking-sashimis had fled from the ceremony taking with them not only the prizes but the two teams who had reached the final level: Hasegawa's and Katsura's. The leader of the Joui faction had infiltrated the contest with his loyal sidekick Elizabeth and they had been part of another of the other four teams that had participated.

Gintoki's initial fight against the army Trout-face had left standing by his spaceship had been a pushover, especially after rescuing Kagura and Shinpachi from their imprisonment. Gintoki found them with Hasegawa tied up inside a water tank with only a breathing tube keeping them alive. It took Gintoki a mere swing of his bokuto to break the thing apart. Afterward, while the kids and Madao dealt with a new wave of alien troops and went about to find Katsura, Gintoki went looking for the mastermind. He believed if he managed to capture and deliver him to the Shinsengumi perhaps they would give him a much welcome monetary reward and maybe a certain Vice Commander would reward him as well in a completely different fashion.

Nonetheless, to Gintoki's utter puzzlement the Trout-face had challenged him not to a sword fight, which he would have undoubtedly won, but to a tournament of _Ztreet Fighter X_ Strip Edition. Declining it would have obviously gone against Gintoki's intellectual pride and so he found himself in his current predicament: not being able to stand the memories of his past night while trying to hadouken' the hell out of Trout-face's player, Qen.

The trout had his eyes glued to the big screen in concentration. His reply to Gintoki's request was an evil grin.

"Shaddup. It'z not my fault you'z bad at _Zzzzstreet Fighter X_ " he said in his creepy accent.

Gintoki groaned frustrated and kept hitting the buttons. He failed to make Gyu's combo again, yet the urgency of hiding his hard-on brought forth a surge of focus.

"Take thiiiiiiiiiiissssss!"

Trout-face felt defeat for the first time. Surprisingly the alien didn't complain much. Gintoki gave a loud hysterical laugh of mock and victory but he wasn't sure if it was more an involuntary outburst of anxiety instead. To grieve his situation he saw Trout-face pointing towards one of his minions, a skinny pale Tuna-face, telling him to take off his pants. The Tuna-face did as he was told and Gintoki just stood there aghast, mouth ajar.

"Hey guys, I'm not following" he said tentatively "Trout-face, you jerk-off, what do you think you're doing? You lost this round, get rid of a shoe at least!"

"I did" he said with a mischievous grin.

"No! Tuna-face here took off his pants!" Gintoki exclaimed and pointed a finger at the innocent-looking Tuna-face in his briefs "Either you take off yours or this is a seriously fucked up development!" Gintoki's voice was close to a shrill by the end of the sentence. Trout-face just caressed the controller in his hands in a disturbing way and spoke softly.

"Thiz iz my team. For uz to win we have to ztrip you entirely, for you to win you muzt ztrip all nineteen of my troopz, and _me_ " he purred the last word and Fat 1 and Fat 2 gave Gintoki a wink.

Gintoki felt a horrible chill run up and down his spine. If he wasn't so enraged at the stupidity and injustice of the sudden game rule he would have pondered more on the sick perversion of the aliens, but who was he to say anything about perverts anyway? He couldn't even keep his south friend limp at the image of Hijikata's bare legs. Moreover, blocking the latter's naked and lewd figure out of his mind proved to be a greater task than he ever thought possible. It was difficult to ignore all those mental images without running the risk of getting inconveniently hard and even if he did manage to keep his nether regions under control it wouldn't matter much since he probably already had a penthouse waiting for him in Hell because of all the other filth that usually floated about in his mind. He snorted and reached for his bokuto.

"I can always finish the damn thing the old way" Gintoki announced confident, but his new found hope was crushed sooner than expected.

"Thiz conzole is directly linked with the zpacezhip'z auto-deztruction activation device. If we don't finish it the zhip will blow up and incinerate the whole Oedo Terminal. It'z your doom, Curly bro"

A vein popped up in Gintoki's head at the nickname and he was about to open his mouth and rebuke something smart when he noticed a few aliens staring at his crotch with curious faces. Gintoki sat back down instantly and grabbed the controller.

"OK LET'S DO IT! JUST DO IT!"

After a dozen rounds Gintoki managed to strip two Tuna-faces completely and still retain his boxers and socks. _Always leave the socks until later. Oldest trick in the book._ He thought reassuringly to himself. He was playing in a somewhat curled up position to better hide his crotch view and so far it was giving him quite a boost of luck. _I can do this. I can do this. It's not like Hijikata is going to appear all of the sudden sweaty and moaning and- shit! I'm so fucking sick. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._ Each curse was followed by a pressing of a button. He could barely feel his thumbs by now.

"Quite a winning streak, Curly bro" Trout-face mused somberly. Gintoki took a deep breath and ignored him to avoid any kind of manipulation. That was always the tactic of the losing team.

"You're ztill hoping to win aren't you? There are eighteen to go and you only have your underpantz and sockzz" he pointed out with a laugh. Gintoki shrugged his shoulders.

"I have two socks" Gintoki replied.

"Eighteen to go. How many pieces of clothes do you think that iz?"

"I have two socks"

"I'd zay, a _lot_. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"I have two socks"

"Maybe you should juzt let everyzing burn"

"I have two socks"

"MUHAHAHAHA"

"I HAVE TWO SOCKS I HAVE TWO-"

The computer sealed door of the room they were in suddenly met with a strong impact and resounding boom. Trout-face and Gintoki both pressed pause to look back at the door perplexed. The other aliens also turned towards the source of the noise, even the two naked Tuna-faces who were standing up against a wall in shame of their nudity. A deadly silence followed during which nothing happened. No one breathed, the pirated copy of _Street Fighter X_ didn't have any background music either. Everything was quiet. Then in a heartbeat another clamor shook the room and the door blasted open. Gintoki had to rub his eyes to believe what he was seeing. From behind the rubble and debris came Hijikata, perfect hair, perfect face, perfect Shinsengumi attire, sword unsheathed. Gintoki felt himself stiffen harder at the sight if it was any possible. Half of him didn't want to believe what he was seeing and the other didn't want Hijikata there. His physical presence was not only disgruntling to him physically but also emotionally. More than Gintoki's lust, his feelings came bubbling up at the sight and all he wanted to do was smash his own face with the controller he had in his hand.

Hijikata bore a grave expression. Some kind of troubling and worrying were swimming in his eyes and when Gintoki locked his red ones with those azure pools he almost felt his heart explode. He unpaused the game unwillingly and the reflex earned him a glare from Fat 1 and Fat 2.

"Who iz thiz?" Trout-face asked pretentiously. He was examining Hijikata from head to toe and Gintoki chuckled inwardly for the Vice Commander was not one to take those kinds of looks lightly.

"I'm the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi and you slug bastards are all arrested" Hijikata roared angrily.

The statement issued a loud chattering among the alien shoal and a few unsheathed their swords and brought out their guns.

"I'm afraid that won't be pozzible Vize-Commander" Trout-face raised a hand to stop his subordinates "We're in the middle of a mozt important game" he sniggered.

"Shut your trap before I shut it for you" Hijikata snapped. He glanced once more at Gintoki and furrowed his brows. He was probably wondering what he was doing there barely dressed.

"Hijikata-kun don't be mean" Gintoki told him calmly "Hey Trout-face, he'll be on my team, let's get on with this"

"What the fuck?" Hijikata blurted out confused "What the hell is wrong with this place! Your spaceship is fucking collapsing out there. What do you-"

"Come sit here beside me" Gintoki patted the spot next to him and resumed his play along with Trout-face ignoring Hijikata's outburst. Fat 1 and 2 approached Hijikata and took him to his seat while explaining him the game rules.

"This is _Ztreet Fighter X_ Strip Edition Tournament sponsored by Trout-sama" Fat 1 told him rubbing his scaly hands together.

"You mean _Street Fighter_?" Hijikata corrected him a bit disoriented.

"No! _Zzztreet Fighter X_!" Fat 1 corrected him.

"Strip edition!" Fat 2 added.

"It's a pirated version. They don't know shit" Gintoki joined in.

"You shut up and play!" Fat 1 screeched. The cry earned him a blow on the forehead from Hijikata's scabbard. The short alien stumbled backwards and yelped in pain while holding his head.

"Sorry didn't see you" Hijikata mumbled as he sat beside Gintoki. The latter had to control himself not to break into a foolish grin. His heart was hammering in his chest and he rapidly lost track of the game. Hijikata's presence demanded every fiber of his being to pay attention solely to him. Gintoki lost that round pathetically.

"Strip!" Trout-face demanded.

Gintoki turned to Hijikata nonchalantly. Hijikata lifted an eyebrow and glared at him.

"What?"

"For fuck's sake, I'm in my socks and boxers, just take off your damn jacket!" Gintoki blurted out with indignation. Hijikata clicked his tongue in displeasure and threw away his jacket.

"I swear I don't know how you get your stupid ass in shit like this, much less myself" Hijikata muttered furiously, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"I don't know either, darling"

"Ugh! What the fuck was that shit for, you creep!"

"You were being so pleasant I thought you would like me returning the cordiality, assface"

"If you keep playing like that I'll give you an assface if you like"

"Fuck off"

"You fuck off, I didn't want to be here"

"You're fine here, I don't want to end up naked. Hey take off your vest I lost this one too"

"Fuck you. Why don't you take off your fucking socks?"

"When all you have besides them are your boxers you will save them too, fucking idiot"

"Smartass" Hijikata muttered "Here, no vest, fine?"

"Great. Now shut up. I'm getting beaten up already"

"How surprising"

Gintoki noticed the crew of aliens staring at the two of them, skeptical looks plastered all over their faces. Even Trout-face stole a weird glance at them every once in a while. They seemed to be torn between feelings of victory over the strange duo and feelings of worry. Gintoki would have brushed them aside as he did most onlookers on his and Hijikata's fights, but the stares were so intense he could not but be self-conscious. He was gradually becoming more acutely aware of the major ass he was making of himself losing that easy game (which was definitely rigged for its owner's purpose) and he knew sooner or later they would have to drop the pleasantries and avoid the explosion somehow. All of this without any clothes on apparently. Fortunately for him, Hijikata's tendency to talk back until he won an argument was enough to keep him mildly distracted.

"Fucking bastard, just give me that. You've lost five rounds in a row! How is that even possible with the amount of free time you have to play shit like this?" Hijikata yelled angrily stealing the controller from Gintoki's hands.

"What free time? I bust my ass working unlike some sour dogs who only know how to spend my taxes!"

Gintoki lunged at Hijikata to retrieve the controller. He was not going to let the bastard win the game for him. Besides, who knew if he wasn't going to mess up as well? There were still seventeen aliens to strip. It was impossible to win. Hijikata was already down to boxers and pants only. They were fucked. _Wait a sec? Pants? Why pants?_

"Why are you still in your pants!" Gintoki cried out in disbelief "Don't you know the secret rules of strip games? Why did you throw out the socks, you asshole? You've ruined our luck. The balance is off now you f-"

"Shut the fuck up! I'll take off what I damn well want" Hijikata grunted.

There was a slight blush on his cheeks which made Gintoki suspicious. He let Hijikata proceed with the game and stood back to observe him. He knew Hijikata was onto him just as he had been onto Gintoki while he played. Hijikata's eyes had roamed the expanse of his back, probably admiring the marks he had left everywhere the past night. Gintoki knew there were some nasty scratches there, he could feel them when he flexed his muscles and though they stung a bit, it felt good to know they were there. They always reminded him of why and how they ended up engraved on his skin. His neck and collarbone were a mess of love-bites as well but nothing compared to Hijikata's. Now that Gintoki was able to look at him properly, without the game to disturb him, he could see the red expanse he had bitten and sucked to exhaustion. It was nothing like the old times, when they had casual sex; when they were afraid of each other's embrace. These were possessive and savage marks that Gintoki had no control over whatsoever. Hijikata had driven him to that extent. How was Gintoki supposed to help himself? That peachy soft skin bare and inviting to his touch. Gintoki had to restrain himself not to jump Hijikata right then and there before those stupid aliens. He just wanted to take the dark haired man back to the hotel and have him again. Fuck him senseless until he could feel nothing else. Kiss his swollen lips while he rammed himself inside over and over again.

"Fuck" Gintoki bit his lip and looked away. He was so hard it was painful. Nonetheless, his miserable condition brought him the answer he was looking for. He took a deep breath and then stole a quick glance towards Hijikata's loins.

"Very _exciting_ game isn't it?" his voice was pure tease and Hijikata knew him well enough to sense it, though he would always be too gullible to perceive Gintoki's intentions at first.

"Shut up. I'm winning" Hijikata spat with a shrug.

Gintoki inched closer to him, careful not to be close enough so their shoulders would touch.

"Nope, that's not it. You're going to lose. This Gyu is not made of the same strict, solid and _hard_ training of _Street Fighter_ 's Ryu" Gintoki breathed softly, leaning his head a bit. Hijikata reddened profusely but before Gintoki could rejoice in the effectiveness of his teasing he took an elbow to the face.

"You fucking asshole! How many fucking times have I told you not Gin-san's face? Fuck!" Gintoki whined and rolled back painfully in his curled position.

"I told you to shut up. You're distracting me. Look at this shit- fuck, n-no, nonononononNO!" Hijikata groaned angrily at his loss. He threw the controller against the ground in rage and a couple of pieces flew away.

"Shit! Look what you've done! There goes the fucking square and L2"

"Stop talking!"

"Let me see that. Fuck, R1 and R2 are jammed and L1, oh shit"

"Get your hands off!"

While Gintoki and Hijikata wrestled for the broken controller and fought about the missing buttons the aliens stared at them confused.

"Are they not from the same team?" one Salmon-face wondered.

"Didn't know humans were so disagreeable as this" a Sardine-face added.

"These two seem very energetic. Maybe we should take them back home too Trout-sama" Fat 2 suggested.

"They have lots of battle scars too"

"Are they mating?"

"Silence!" Trout-face yelled. His voice was full with irritation, even more so when he noticed Gintoki and Hijikata had not stopped their quarrel at his command.

"Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence! SILENCE!" he repeated, his mouth opening wide and shutting tight in repeated motion.

"He really does look like a trout" Gintoki noted to Hijikata.

"Indeed"

"How much do you think they'd give me for his head at the fish market?"

Hijikata deliberated quietly about the price but the screams for silence suddenly changed to shouts of _Strip! Strip! Strip!_. Gintoki sent him an expectant look, a bit too devious for the occasion.

"Don't look at me! I only have my pants and boxers! You have socks! That's two to three" Hijikata argued.

"But pants are still part of the large clothing which precedes the smaller clothes. Suck to be you Hijikata-kun"

"You want me to fucking kill you Yorozuya?"

The chanting of _Strip! Strip! Strip!_ continued.

"Yeah sure, with any weapon of your choice" Gintoki's eyes betrayed his speech and he ended up looking at Hijikata's crotch. The Vice Commander did the math pretty easily and shot him a flustered look.

"You fuck!" he reached for his sword but one of the aliens had taken it away and Fat 1 and 2 appeared out of nowhere pulling Hijikata's pants down. Gintoki gave a victorious cheer.

"You see Hijikata-kun, if you don't take them off someone else will take them off for you" Gintoki's voice resounded in his throat hungrily and he had to prevent a chuckle.

He was enjoying the display of the Vice-Commander struggling to keep the two short aliens off him while trying to maintain a hold on his remaining clothes, when Hijikata's pants slid down a few good inches below the navel and all it showed beneath was bare skin. Gintoki's first instinct was to grab the pants by the waistband and pull them up quickly. Hijikata jolted with the sudden move and though it was originally an honest gesture it only had bad repercussions to follow. One of them inclusively had Gintoki pressed bodily against Hijikata, his erection brushing against the latter's backside most eagerly. Gintoki wanted to die in a pool of mortification. He didn't see his life flying past before him, but he did see all his humiliations run by and not one of them was close to this, not even that time when he grabbed Tsukuyo's boob.

As most things in Gintoki's life, the situation went from bad to wholly-fucking-terrible. Their current display did not paint a pretty picture. His naked chest was pressed against Hijikata's bare back and a whole group of weird fish aliens was looking at them with blank expressions. Gintoki's hands were still gripping the waistband of Hijikata's pants and he was having a semi panic attack. He knew by Hijikata's tensed muscles that the dark haired man was completely aware of the bump touching his ass, Gintoki didn't need a psychic to tell him that.

"H-h-heeeyyy guys, chill" Gintoki said in fake amusement, stretching a leg to Fat 1 and 2 "Take my cock- I MEAN SOCK. Take my sock. Sock. Sock. Sock. Sock"

They took one sock off and scattered away towards their group in quick heedful steps.

"You've grossed them out" Hijikata deadpanned. Gintoki was glad he couldn't see his face.

"No I didn't" he denied childishly.

"And me too"

"What? You're the one who came here with nothing under your pants, what the fuck?"

"I must have forgotten" Hijikata muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, that's a really clever answer" Gintoki snorted.

"Shut up! I didn't even want to enter this stupid spaceship! I should have stayed outside, fuck this"

"Oh, you entered of your own free will Hijikata-kun? You're out to steal my heart then"

"Against my will! AGAINST IT! Are you deaf!"

"You're the one screaming asshole"

"You're the one with the-" Hijikata halted abruptly once he understood what he was about to yell at the world. Gintoki whispered it for him anyway.

"Cock pressed against your ass, I know. Nothing new to be sure" Gintoki said devilishly. He was on the verge of his patience. He was on the limit of his usual indifference to situations. His hands had begun to tremble. He just needed the right push to send everything to the devil and get the hell out of there.

"Let's resume" the Trout-face said.

"No wait!" Gintoki interjected "Can't we have like a five minute break? We don't have scales on our fucking fingers. I am almost bleeding here!" Gintoki shoved his fingers in the aliens' faces and they peered vaguely at them. His thumbs were not in their best shape.

Trout-face gave a grunt and after a few seconds of silent deliberation dismissed them with a hand gesture. His two plump goons hurried to a small door at a the corner of the room and slid it open.

"Five minutezzzz" Trout-face said gravely to Gintoki "Then we play"

Gintoki nodded frantically and sprinted to the new open door puling Hijikata along with him. He ran past Fat 1 and 2 in a blur and heard them voicing something along the lines of _private_ and _toilet_. Once the door slid shut behind them it took him less than a heartbeat to finally take Hijikata. He smashed their lips together, probing Hijikata's mouth as the man opened it invitingly. His hands gripped the black shiny hair spontaneously looking for the best angle. There were only haggard breaths as they fought in haste for touch. Their kiss took them right back to the previous night as if it had simply been prolonged, never knowing any end. Gintoki grabbed Hijikata's chin and pulled it back to lavish his jawline down to his chest. He lingered in the apple of his throat, delighting in the rushing pulse beneath. The moans were healing balms to his anxiety. Gintoki was in dire need of release and not for any responsible reason. He reached down a hand to unzip Hijikata's pants but the Vice-Commander grasped his wrist in halt. Gintoki frowned.

"Not here idiot" he breathed alarmed. Gintoki didn't even had the grace to sigh at the cute remark "The ship is completely destroyed outside this fucking gaming room! This shit is gonna explode at any second, what the fuck are we even doing out there playing with these motherfucking aliens, we need to get the fuck out-"

"After the whole day I've been through don't make me wait through another row of insults and violence, I want you _now_ " Gintoki was not mindful of his snarl but Hijikata's hue was. He was red instantly, further stirring the fire in Gintoki's gut. He cornered Hijikata against the tiled shower with a push that screamed impatience. He unzipped the uniform pants and stripped Hijikata off his last piece of clothing easily. It was ironic how Gintoki's wildest fantasies always won against his better judgment when it came to Hijikata. Just hours ago he had been tantalized by mental images only to have the real deal in front of him now. It was needless to say which was the more stimulating version. Hijikata's naked body never failed to show the kind of vulnerability his convulsed personality was keen to hide. Gintoki had never quite known what to do about it except embrace it entirely. He just didn't know he could become so addicted.

"Shithead, they said five minutes, what if they storm in after-"

Gintoki silenced Hijikata with another burning kiss, pulling back just enough for a short reply "I only need five minutes". He removed his boxers and recaptured Hijikata's lips greedily. He could feel his cock pulsating feverishly and the heat spreading all over his body. Gintoki almost gasped in pain once his arousal touched Hijikata's own throbbing member.

"Shit" he stepped back a bit apprehensive and shut his eyes. Rage filled his head as he anticipated a speedy climax. Gintoki just couldn't hold it in anymore. Notwithstanding, he heard a husky snort and before he had the courage to open his eyes and face Hijikata's mock he felt a hand on his member and another on the small of his back pulling him close. Hijikata's hot breath washed over his cheek and then his ear as he wrapped his fingers around both erections and stroked them slowly up and down.

"No- Hijikata- I-!" It was enough to send Gintoki over the edge. He bucked into it, feeling his legs going soft as his whole body shivered with pleasure. Hijikata's voice was a grating sound in the distance as he came. Gintoki had to lean against Hijikata's body to keep standing up. His head was half buried in the other man's shoulder muffling his moans.

"Didn't need to rush" Hijikata's hoarse voice sounded amused but soon it was his turn to fall to broken whimpers. Gintoki pinned Hijikata's hands up and worked on the pumping himself, plying his revenge at a faster pace. When he was done their abdomens were a mess.

They slid down to sitting positions and Gintoki reached a trembling hand towards the shower tap. A stream of cold water fell down on them once he turned it on and Hijikata cursed instantly after a first jolt. Gintoki let out a breathy laugh and closed his eyes feeling the cool water pour down his skin. The flow ran past bites and marks, jutting muscles and bones, washing the surface entirely. When Gintoki opened his eyes his hair was completely soaked, covering most of his vision, yet he was able to catch a peculiar look on Hijikata's face. He wiped the water clouding his view and frowned with suspicion. One could never be too wary of Hijikata's queer expressions.

"What?" he urged.

Hijikata recoiled slightly, gulping down whatever answer he had before turning away. It was enough to leave Gintoki skeptical but in their current circumstances it wouldn't do to dwell on such matters. If Gintoki insisted on pursuing the subject they would certainly get into another argument and waste enough time for the aliens to come bursting in and catch them fighting again, naked. Gintoki shook his head and leaned against the wall to get up. However, a late grip on his wrist prevented him from standing up completely. He turned towards Hijikata impassively. After so much fussing he would never want to go on with their play, would he? Gintoki began doubting himself and how well he could actually predict Hijikata when his primal guess was proved right.

"Hey, the other day, I mean... yesterday, I mean no, uh... today..."

Gintoki felt his eyes widen twice their usual size. He was trying to think of a time when he had ever witnessed Hijikata stammering so badly and failing miserably. What had just happened? Gintoki had to muster all his self-control not to break out in a cackle. His weak spot for adorable antics was suffering from a bad blow yet it couldn't overcome the deriding nature his longtime rivalry with Hijikata had etched deep in him. He always felt a bit triumphal when he drove Hijikata to such pitiful extents; accounting for the devilish Vice-Commander's personality anyone would too to be sure, but for Gintoki it had a special taste. Unfortunately he was about to pay back the joke.

"You were about to say something that time, what was it?" there was no longer any stutter in Hijikata's voice. He was certain of what he was asking and his face was as grave and serious as always.

Gintoki answered his question with a quizzical look, not quite knowing at first what he meant.

"When exactly?"

Hijikata's cheeks were still too flushed for Gintoki to notice any particular change in his features. His reply was specific enough though.

"Back at the hotel. I was half-sleeping but I think I heard you talking"

Hijikata had not even finished speaking when Gintoki felt insurmountable shame strike him fatally. He felt such a tremendous pang in his heart he wondered for a split second if he was having an heart attack. Hijikata's profound stare bore him further holes in his chest cavity and Gintoki was doubtful he could survive the present moment without passing out. At once he remembered his stupid delusions of a confession. He had been much too high on pleasure to have started that kind of indulging talk. That speech of feelings and love. What the hell had he been thinking? It was Hijikata he was talking about, it didn't matter how good the sex was, how much Gintoki might claim to love him. He knew it, he knew it was best not to involve feelings of any kind. Gintoki had already been hurt enough. Moreover, he acknowledged it had all been his fault for letting himself take things too seriously. He had never meant to fall too deep. Hijikata's sudden willingness had been a simple fancy in Gintoki's mind. It was actually just a result from a deprivation of three months, right? Right? RIGHT?

He had tried so hard to convince himself. He was going to let it all wither and die. One-sided loves were destined to rot anyway. He knew it to be true. However, all it took him to abandon such depressing ideas was simply to look at him. He was looking at Hijikata right now and his whole set of reasons to confess got a reboot. His determination, his resolve, his need, everything seemed right. But then dichotomy was a bitch too. His fears doubled equally. He was sure anything he said would sound dumb and ludicrous and this was the one thing in his life that he did not mean to screw up, though he probably already had. He absolutely refused to be the fucking moron to be laughed at. Also, didn't they say that the first to confess was the loser? He was not going to lose to Hijikata. _The_ Hijikata Toshiro. Oh no he wasn't. But then, wasn't the Hijikata he loved the same person? All those times he teased and provoked him, wasn't Gintoki always a bit confident in some kind of consent, of approval, of some mutuality? Their relationship was too convulsed to take anything for granted and Gintoki acted on that basis. His brain just screamed ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT MISSION and his lips shut tight, afraid of pronouncing one syllable more.

Did Hijikata even know? Did he suspect all the words Gintoki didn't say?

Although Gintoki didn't answer, his look offered Hijikata a peek. Gintoki would have given him another if only their moment hadn't been interrupted by a loud banging at the door.

"5 minutes! 5 minutes!" the screechy voices of Fat 1 and 2 rang in choir. It was enough to snap Gintoki and Hijikata out of their reveries. Gintoki was frankly relieved. They both scrambled to their feet, drying off with the nearest towels and putting on their remaining articles of clothing. When Gintoki got to the door he heard Hijikata snort behind him.

"What now?"

Hijikata was looking at his feet.

"You wet your sock"


	11. Tea Is Not Always Soothing

Were it not for the lingering numbness that Gintoki's sight had stricken in him under the shower and the imprint of his touch searing his body, Hijikata might have noticed sooner that there was something different about the room they had fled from in haste and now returned to lumbering. There was no longer any blush attempting to rob him of total dignity. He was still reduced to his pants but having gone past them just a few minutes before was sure to prove an advantage in the game to resume. Even if they ended up stark naked at this point it wouldn't really make a difference. Hijikata had been thoroughly shed of any uncomfortable feelings whatsoever, though this assessment led him to conclude two worrying things that had been stuck in the back of his mind for a while. First, that he and Gintoki were past the physical barrier. It seemed to him the unabashedly need to be with each other once resolved was only the prolonging of something else, something both were trying to replace with lust. Otherwise, why was he still giving in? Why couldn't he just say no? It was clear to Hijikata that denying it was not possible anymore and he had no strength of will to keep rejecting Gintoki's advances. His solid measures had eroded like sand on a beach. Second, those intimate moments in the bathroom were not only an extension of the past night but also a duplicate, a masquerade of sex that had been very close to lose its pretense by the end. What it hid was the big question, one that fell prey to clues left by Gintoki and which Hijikata was afraid to follow. Sometimes there were no clues at all but the final reveal itself. It peaked out from wherever it lay and spread out it's sweet promises invitingly, like during those seconds when Gintoki's ethereal pose under the water struck Hijikata half-dead. A vision such that sprang forth emotions akin to possession and want. Hijikata barely recognized himself.

He bumped into Gintoki still slightly dazed and it was in that moment that he looked up and saw two figures sitting in his and Gintoki's previous spot, pressing what was left of the controller's buttons and actually giving a fight to the big ugly Trout. Hijikata wasn't sure where he knew the long haired male from since the strange mustache, eye patch, pirate hat and long coat were details he would have definitely remembered if he had ever stumbled upon the man before, but the large duck-penguin thing sitting beside him holding the controller he knew he had seen before. Hijikata threw the pair a suspicious glare yet refused to act on his Shinsengumi instincts when he noticed four naked tunas pressed against a wall, covering their private parts with embarrassment. That required some skill. Especially under five minutes. Gintoki seemed to be frozen in place wondering the same thing, until he finally opened his mouth to protest.

"What the hell are you doing here Zu-"

"It's Captain Katsura!" was the instant reply.

"What are you doing? Where's Kagura and Shinpachi?! You-"

"Shut up Gintoki, we're trying to accomplish something here. Elizabeth, destroy! Destroy! Destroy!" the man with the pirate hat and eye-patch yelled in clamor. The Trout Lord glared at him and gestured his remaining minions to shout out some intimidating cheers as well so he would not loose face. Hijikata found it all incredibly irritating and before he knew it he was feeling the pockets of his pants in search of cigarettes. Gintoki joined the loud crowd, doubling the noise while trying to shut up the shoal with his own high pitched screams. Hijikata might have just had descended into hell and not known it. His crave for smokes combined with his latent aloofness sent him looking for his jacket where his pack of cigarettes was sure to be found.

He got into a minor fight with Fat 1 and 2, who would not let him get close to his clothes and, meanwhile, the pirate captain and the strange penguin man kept winning round after round, adding more and more fishy aliens to the row of embarrassed naked losers facing the walls of the room.

Trout Lord's face went through a gradation of reds, momentarily reaching a deep purple. Hijikata shoved the annoying little bastards aside with a push and leaned back to contemplate the imminent ruin of the pretentious alien asshole. His widened fish eyes were glued to the screen and his blue lips pursed so tightly one would think he was about to burst. His shock was apparent and when his last minion dropped his underpants and ran to join the defeated shoal, he started to sweat profusely, the probability of getting naked bordering certainty.

Gintoki was laughing manically next to the two new additions to their team, his sight a sorry thing giving the soggy sock escaping his foot and the strawberry patterned boxers. The pirate captain joined him and they both cackled while pointing at the Trout Lord with mock.

"Trout-face prepare to present your scaly ass! Hwuaahahahahaha!"

"Elizabeth! Decimate all! By the power of Chun-Pi!"

A white board sprung from the penguin's head saying _It's Kammy-chan not Chun-Pi. She's a blonde._ after which a long discussion ensued between the three of them about Ztreet Fighter X's female characters and their respective appeal.

"It all comes down to Chun-Pi and Kammy!"

_Kammy-chan is a blonde._

"Chun-Pi has bigger knockers you idiot, why are we even discussing this?!"

"But Gintoki, Elizabeth is right, Kammy-chan has braids"

"That's not what he said at all!"

_Kammy-chan is a blonde._

"See he said it again!"

"Gintoki, Elizabeth just raised the board, he didn't _say_ anything"

"Well he just said she is blond! What have the braids to do with it!?"

"Braids win over breasts Gintoki, this is a fact"

"Shut up Zura!"

"It's Captain Katsura!"

 _Kammy-chan is a blonde._ Elizabeth raised the sign board again.

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah, she's a blonde so what, can't you say anything else?!" Gintoki blurted out enraged.

"Elizabeth didn't say anything. He is playing, how do expect him to write another board? Besides, Kammy-chan is a blonde. Blondes win over brunettes and blondes with braids win over everything else"

"Oh yeah!? What do you think Trout-face, come on help me here!"

Hijikata had his chest covered in ashes from his cigarette and a vein threatening to erupt on his forehead. Strange feelings blended in with his overall frustration and he was sure to lose his temper if Gintoki kept prattling on stupidly about two-dimensional women. He found little comfort in the sight of the Trout Lord, whose feelings most likely mirrored his own. He had no idea how he had let things spiral so far out of control, and, if he ignored the noise of the collective retardation inside the room and focused on the sounds coming from outside, the pressing concern of fleeing the spaceship took chief priority. Hijikata spitted out the burnt cigarette dangling on his lips and made a move towards his clothes again, this time with the intention of getting fully dressed.

"Wait let's change Chin-Pi's appearance, Elizabeth go back to the menu. You there, in scales, give us one minute" Captain Katsura said in seriousness.

_Are you going to do it?_

"Yes Elizabeth. Change Chin-Pi's hair color to blonde and give her braids so Gintoki will see how wrong he is"

"You can't do that" Gintoki pitched in with a sneer.

"Sure we can" Katsura insisted "We created this game, right Elizabeth?"

_Indeed. Part of Joui's undercover training. Learn how to create a video-game to lure enemies._

"You gotta be kidding me-" Gintoki's sigh was interrupted by a loud scream from the Trout Lord who was all but outrage at the discovery of the creators of his favorite game.

"ZTTOOPPP! Liarzzzzzzzz! I acquired thiz game two weekz ago at a shady samurai relics ztoreeeee!"

"Yes, that's where we sell the finished video-games the recruits create in training" Katsura explained.

"Don't tell me you rigged it with auto-destruct as well?" Gintoki asked halfheartedly, already knowing the answer.

"But of course"

"GET ZZEEMMM!"

All at once the naked aliens turned back from the wall and ran in their direction, bending down to grab their weapons as they sprinted past them.

Hijikata who was closest to their clothes kicked Fat 1 and 2 out of his way and went for his sword before the two could pull the trigger of the tiny guns they had hidden in their vests. He deflected the shots and managed to duck before a salmon collided with him, courtesy of Gintoki.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?"

"I almost forgot you were there" was the reply. Hijikata was of a mind to present his next cut on the bastard's belly but instead he turned around to grab Gintoki's bokuto and pass it. Unfortunately four aliens were already upon him, ready to ambush his back and Hijikata found himself too busy disposing of them to care for Gintoki's vulnerability.

He slashed through them, staining his pants with blood and his face with red droplets. A bullet ran past his cheek almost grazing his skin and he stole a dagger from the clutch of an unconscious alien to throw it at his attacker. The dagger lodged itself on the alien's shoulder, staggering his movements and giving Hijikata time to dash in his direction and land a knee on his abdomen.

"How long are you going to hold on to it?" Gintoki screamed at his ear. He appeared behind him, punching away a flimsy alien.

Hijikata grunted something unintelligible and shoved the bokuto into Gintoki's chest. The latter fumbled with it and cursed at him while dodging a few shots.

"Out of my way, I can't see with you standing there like an imbecile!" Hijikata growled.

Gintoki sent him an angry look but they were interrupted by Elizabeth and Katsura running past them at full speed and aiming for the window.

"Goodbye Gintoki, see you next time!" Katsura yelled. Elizabeth followed after him and raised a board sign.

_We've set off the auto-destruct. Goodbye and good luck. Kammy is the best._

Hijikata and Gintoki read the board with squinting eyes and exchanged a confused look before joining after them. The loud beeps of the countdown rang throughout the spaceship and alarmed the aliens who began scrambling for the exit.

The explosion sent them all flying from the spaceship and half the shoal was unable to escape it, ending up in pieces, dead and burnt, spread across the remains of the ship.

Hijikata lost consciousness as soon as he hit the ground. The fall was not so dangerous as to be deadly, yet he was sure a few broken bones would be discovered later on. When he opened his eyes the dust and smoke from the explosion were far from settling. His vision was blurry and he couldn't hear much, feeling as if submerged in water. It took him four attempts until he finally got to stand on his feet and once he did so he scanned what little he could discern of the area around him, looking for any survivors in need of help. Alas, he was met with smoke and debris. As his hearing returned, he began picking out screams in the distance though he could not pinpoint exactly where they came from. He assumed his men must have burst into motion once the spaceship's front had exploded and proceeded to apprehend and stop any devious fishy aliens. Hijikata could already picture Yamazaki bustling from one place to the other, anxiously looking for his Vice Commander, ready to repeat the same panicking questions over and over again. Hijikata sensed an incoming migraine just thinking about it. Then he heard shots quite near him and went hastily for the handle of his sword, except he didn't have it. His pants were all that shielded him from any attack.

"Shit!" He cursed and threw himself back on the ground to crawl in search of a weapon. A sword preferably.

His groping hands all but found debris, rock and burning shards of metal from the explosion which worked his fingertips until he barely felt anything he touched. His eyes stung from the thick smoke that persisted in clogging his lungs. His throat was in no better shape and it was hard not to break into a coughing fit with the amount of dust that lingered in the air. A nearby clashing of swords made him stop and Hijikata stayed put, hoping it would be an ally. Yelling ensued and a dark body dropped two feet from him, almost squashing his arm. It was a Shinsengumi officer by the attire, but Hijikata had a hard time recognizing him since his eyes were absorbed in a distance he couldn't see.

"Son of a-"

He caught his breath as a sharp lacerating pain burst below his shoulder. He looked down and saw ten inches of blade erupting from a gash on his skin, blood streaming down his torso in vivid crimson.

"Looking for one of theeezeee?" the slurry voice teased from above.

"Aa-aargh!" another five inches came through and Hijikata was almost blind with pain. His whole body shook and trembled, tears fell unwillingly from his eyes.

"Fucker!"

"You think I would let thizz enterprise end thiz way?" The Trout Lord had a few bruises and burns from the explosion, half his face was paralysed, but his hand was steady and firm, gripping the sword with incredible determination "I'm not leaving wizzthout my pet food."

Hijikata stretched his arm as far as he could to reach for the sword lying next to his fallen comrade, yet the Trout Lord noticed his intentions and pushed the blade further in, agonizing pain taking over Hijikata again.

"Zzome have alerted me to the dangerz of the zzamurai of Earth, but they haven't imprezzed me very much" Trout Lord said with a tinge of disappointment, looking over at the dead body beside them "I ztill think they're good enough meat for my dear pet. It's eazzy to cut through" he added with a grin, licking his lips at the sight of Hijikata's bare back.

"Go fuck yourself!" Hijikata snarled.

The outburst only seemed to fuel the Trout's amusement and he pulled back the blade, much to Hijikata's advantage since he could now turn around and tackle the bastard, though the alien reacted quickly and struck once again, this time close to his liver. Hijikata screamed out in utter pain.

"I waz hoping to take you alive, it'z more fun that way you know, but I zzink I'll have to take your corpzze now"

Trout Lord laughed aloud adding fire to Hijikata's already flaming hatred. The gash below his shoulder was jarring out blood and the stream met the second gash that now appeared above his navel. Any normal person would have passed out from seeing such an horrible mess, but Hijikata lingered on, conscience brimming insanity. He touched his open wound with morbid fascination and then gripped the blade that thrust into his gut with two hands. The big fat alien shot him a queer look, not knowing what to make of the actions of the man underneath him.

"What are you zdoin-?"

From afar more shouts reached their ears and shadows began to play in the curtain of smoke.

"Where are you going, Gintoki?"

"Gin-chan come back!"

"Gin-san!"

Gintoki's figure came through the smoke as if a veil had parted purposefully for his arrival. Hijikata was in too much pain to see anything past a silhouette but as soon as his brain acknowledged the wavy silver hair, his previously calm and morbid heart rate escalated to commotion.

"I thought I smelled rotten fish somewhere around here" Gintoki announced in his typical nonchalant way.

"Oohh Curly bro, you've come too late I'm afraid" Trout Lord said with half a smirk "Your friend izz already pet feed. I'll have to take him with me"

Hijikata hissed and the effort made him spit a clot of blood.

"Well Trout-face, I don't know how good trout sushi is and I'm definitely not interested in knowing, but I'm sure I can sell it to some freaks who enjoy it"

The comment angered the alien and Hijikata felt the blade twist inside him. He was close to stop feeling the left side of his torso altogether but he refused to scream or show any weakness in front of Gintoki. He bit his lip to restrain oncoming whimpers and tried to focus his watery eyes on the alien in front of him.

"I'm gonna kill you" Gintoki said. It wasn't a whisper or a cry. It was a statement. Hijikata noticed the side of the Trout Lord's face that still moved flinching with unknown fear. His fish eyes widened in Gintoki's direction and Hijikata felt a sudden panic take over him.

"Stay back!" the yell wrung itself from his throat, grating all the way up to his mouth. Gintoki's red gaze turned towards him with something that Hijikata could only conceive as pity, giving neither worry or care a chance, and the sudden disparity between them drove him mad. The color of those deep red eyes covered his skin with misery, sprung out from inside him like a fountain and Hijikata finally felt his mind giving away. The tight grip he had on the sword trespassing him lost its strength and his hands slid down slowly, cutting themselves on the sharp edge in the process. His head fell back and hit the ground with an empty sound. The last thing Hijikata saw were bullets perforating the Trout Lord's vest and a circle of black coats surrounding them.

* * *

He awoke in a familiar place, in a familiar position. Hijikata had lost count to the times he had found himself lying on his futon all patched up and slightly amnesiac from the events that had led him there. He was relieved though and grateful. The slit left open by the sliding door that led to the porch outside filled his room with a fresh scent from the garden, clearing away the stench of blood and remedies that his present situation produced. The immeasurable pain he still retained in memory from the blade wounds was gone and he felt numb from the neck down. He tried to move his hands and feet but with little success.

"Aha! Finally up!" Kondo's voice startled him at first but it was nice to see him unharmed and as cheerful as ever. Hijikata opened his mouth to voice a small reply but Kondo shook his head.

"Don't need to say anything. You were only supposed to wake up tomorrow. You were in pretty bad shape Toshi" he said somewhat gravely. Hijikata knew the kind of nagging that awaited him. He cursed his frail state for not being able to shut the man up and send him on his way."The medic left a while ago from his daily checks. He told me it was pretty serious the first time we talked. Two deep blade wounds he told me. I said no, it couldn't be you, but I guess even I can be wrong sometimes" Kondo lamented in his own sorry way. Hijikata would have rolled his eyes if it didn't aggravate his focus.

"How long have I been out?" Hijikata mumbled, his voice raspy from the lack of use.

"Only two days. They're going to put you back to sleep so you don't have to worry. Those bones have to heal too"

"What about my work, I-"

"Don't even bother with it. I've already told Yamazaki not to bring you a sheet of paper. Just stay here and rest" Kondo said. Hijikata's protest was interrupted by Yamazaki at the door.

"C-Commander, sir, there's a call for you"

Kondo assented and after reminding Hijikata another dozen times of the things he was prohibited from doing, bade his goodbyes and left him with good wishes. Hijikata nodded and once Kondo was out of sight, he sent Yamazaki a death glare which the latter already knew as his Vice Commander's own special way of demanding information.

"Close the door" was the only thing added.

Yamazaki gave him a complete retelling of the events from the moment he had lost his senses. According to him, another two Shinsengumi officers had witnessed the Trout Lord stabbing the Vice Commander with a sword and the order to shoot on sight was requested and then promptly issued to every officer on site, though not in time to stop Gintoki from intervening. Hijikata remembered at least that much. Notwithstanding, and contrary to his belief, Gintoki had soon afterwards disappeared. Hijikata was rushed to the hospital to receive emergency treatments. Two second degree burns from the explosion, three broken ribs and other minor injuries from the fall, two ugly wounds on his upper torso and another couple of cuts on his hands from clutching the damned blade. He was recovering well, his body already used to heal itself, and he would be able to do most daily tasks by himself in a week.

"They sent you to the barracks as custom, sir"

Hijikata had never cared much for hospitals and he had made it clear, even in writing, that he would only suffer to stay in one only while it was absolutely necessary.

"Is that all?"

"Yes, sir. I have here the doctor's schedule for this week, your medication prescriptions, exams, bandage exchange-"

"You can read them to me later"

"Yes, sir"

Hijikata closed his eyes and tried to get some rest. It unnerved him every time he was unable to work due to injuries, but he had learned how to cope with it. Patience and persistence were very useful in situations such as these. Unfortunately, he was not able to put such tools to use in other loathsome matters.

* * *

Barely a week had gone by and the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi was already sitting by his desk perusing the extensive piles of paperwork that had accumulated since the Edo Terminal crisis. Reports over arrests, injured civilians, complaints, compensation requests and the remainder stacks of paperwork generated by everyday Shinsengumi activities, such as destroying Edo and saving it simultaneously, were scattered over his desk and brought by Yamazaki who endeavoured on his task at Hijikata's menacing entreaty. The latter had tried to write reports but those had been sent back claiming his handwriting was yet unreadable. Thus, he contented himself with reading and signing paperwork until he no longer had to bear the uncomfortable stitches stretched over his palms. His doctor was against him doing any effort at all and Kondo took his own sweet time every morning reminding him of this, however, Hijikata was too reckless and obstinate to stay put. Work kept his brain occupied and helped him escape the mother-load of worrying thoughts that crept up on him when he was left lying alone in bed daydreaming of red eyes and blood. The constant visits from underlings and acquaintances asking about his health and well-being were also more irritating than boring, so sending them away to their duties with a signature on a paper turned out to be a benefiting solution to both Hijikata and the Shinsengumi.

He was reviewing one of the latest reports on the Kabuki District when Okita waged war on his peace and quiet. He laid down on the tatami mat behind him, chewing gum as loudly as he could and flipping the pages of a magazine with exaggerated gusto. Hijikata had to prevent clicking his tongue and spitting out fire, so instead he put his left arm on its sling and turned around calmly.

"What do you want Sougo?" he sighed.

"Me? Nothing Hijikata-san, but I know of people who do"

Hijikata put a cold palm to his forehead to see if he could retain any patience inside his head, but he only watched it escape completely.

"I'm trying to get some work done here. I'm reading this shit you call a report and trying to decide if I should just burn it or burn you and here you are making that decision so much easier"

"Yes Hijikata-san, I also wish you to die, but guess what. There's someone here at the barracks who I'm sure you definitely want more dead than me at the moment. And he wants something which I'm not going to tell you what it is. Have the worst day of your life~" Okita concluded and proceeded to scamper away.

Hijikata's skin lost half the hue it had taken him a week to regain. He was too acquainted with Okita's taunting ways to misinterpret his hints and the sole person who could actually trick him with mock was precisely the bastard Okita had just mentioned. There could be no one else. After assessing this, Hijikata's mind instantly focused on the reasons why Gintoki could possibly have come to the barracks and the first idea that presented itself was enough to bring back all the color Hijikata had lost and more. His cheeks fumed with red and he had to lean against his desk to get back to his normal breathing. The logic behind his consequent denial was enough to cross out the hypothesis though and it calmed Hijikata just as quickly as the idea had first enraptured him. If Gintoki had come to see him he would certainly not stride in through the front door. Moreover, if he was so moved to the point of coming to visit him why had he not come sooner? Hijikata had secretly been depressing himself over this question for the past couple of days and the renewal of such feelings charged them with double intensity. He itched for cigarettes and then cursed the fact Yamazaki and Kondo had hidden them from sight.

"Fuck it"

Hijikata turned back to his paperwork in hopes of submerging his thoughts in something other than Gintoki, but in his mind it was if his physical presence could be felt from a distance. Hijikata's eyes were rooted to the same page for at least ten minutes, during which he read the same line at least eighty times. When the door to his room slid open he jolted, shutting his mouth afterward so he wouldn't vomit out his heart.

"Sir, here's your tea and medication" it was Yamazaki with a tray.

Hijikata exhaled with relief, refusing to acknowledge his deep disappointment.

"Leave it there" he said it with more contempt than he intended and was close to feeling sorry for addressing Yamazaki unjustly when the moron opened his trap.

"Ah, Vice Commander, I think it is in your interest to know Danna was just here to collect his reward for helping with the crisis at the terminal last week. He really was a great help, I mean, he was only in boxers and a sock but-"

"Has he left?"

"Uh, yes. Not even five minutes ago. Is everything ok sir?"

"Yes. Who signed the reward's consent?" Hijikata didn't remember reading anything about giving money to the stupid asshole for his bravery or whatever, but his memory couldn't be trusted considering his injuries and more than frequent daydreaming.

"The Commander did, sir"

"Hm" with nothing more to add, Hijikata dismissed Yamazaki and took the medication with his tea. He tried to imagine sake inside the cup and lies for facts, actions which ended up deluding him, for the footsteps he heard outside on the porch turned out to be a figment of his imagination upon inspection.

All that persisted were the never ending stacks of paperwork.

* * *

The evasive state of mind did not last long and by nightfall, after dinner, Hijikata was left to his conjectures alone without work or Yamazaki's constant assistance. The more he thought about Gintoki's strange behavior, or rather the lack of it, the more furious he got. Why he was so abruptly treated with indifference and a cold shoulder was beyond comprehension. Gintoki should at least have had the indecency to come laugh at his ridiculous condition, boast about how he had supposedly "saved" him from the Trout Lord. Hijikata was not very creative in his assumptions but it was unusual for him to even make them. He had learned to take most things concerning Gintoki in a light manner, so the current situation was impossible to grasp. It made Hijikata go back adopting his trademark cool temper which failed to reach any conclusion as well. The whole ordeal was hideous and Hijikata was beginning to think seppuku a good answer when he looked at the black phone perched on his desk. He didn't think twice about it and was already waiting for Gintoki to pick the call when regret caught up with him. The Yorozuya's standard complaining voice was welcomed with doubt.

"You know what time it is? It better be a good job you're offering, old man, to be calling at such an ungodly hour, we priests of Satan do not-"

"What are you doing?" Hijikata deadpanned. After his interpolation a long silence ensued which Hijikata only deemed plausible given the shock of his call.

"Uh?.. who is this?"

"Mother fucking Theresa, who the fuck do you think this is?" with Gintoki it wasn't difficult to let his anger vent out freely.

"Oh, you... yes, how are you?" Gintoki spoke casually with a few pauses in between and Hijikata noted a boredom that pissed him off. His question seemed to arise rather from indifferent courtesy than any real regard.

"What are you doing?" Hijikata repeated his question. What Gintoki was _not_ doing was perhaps the better one to ask, but Hijikata stood by the first.

"Oi, oi, is that how it is? You can ask questions and I can't?"

"Shut up"

"Well, that solves it. Bye"

"Wha-? Are you going to hang up on me, asshole?!"

"You just told me to shut up. I guess we can't carry a conversation if I stay silent"

"Why don't you just answer my damn question?"

"And what was is it again?"

Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows in anger and took a deep breath before continuing.

"What are you doing, I mean, where are you-"

"Why am I not there?" Gintoki finished for him. Hijikata's eyes widened with surprise and color went immediately to his face. "You know Hijikata you're actually pretty easy to figure out once someone gets the hang of it" Gintoki said, no tease in his voice, no flirting. Simply a dead beat. Hijikata remained silent, torn between confusion and shame. He also felt slightly offended but he had no idea what Gintoki meant. "Now you're probably pissed off because I just hinted at the possibility of being able to crack your man-code or whatever the fuck you think makes you so superior to everyone else" Gintoki seemed to be talking like a drunk but his voice was serious and sober "I really don't want to see you right now nor in the next thousand light years. I don't think I'm good enough to be basked in your presence"

"You're drunk" Hijikata muttered under his breath. Gintoki's hearing was perfectly fine though.

"Of course I must be, because I'm such a fucking machine, right?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, what the-"

"You think I can just leave you to die because you can't bear my help or something? You think that doesn't bother me? And now you call me to ask why I am not there fucking you into your mattress?" the general apathy that characterized Gintoki's voice had vanished. Hijikata's hold on the receiver wavered.

"I didn't-" Hijikata tried to deny the accusations out of habit but Gintoki cut his excuses short.

"You did. I know you bastard. I know you too well for my own fucking good"

Hijikata had nothing to say. His heart was a mess, but his pride held the statue together. His resolve and composure were rock solid.

"Were you afraid of me? Of my past? Were you afraid of that stupid piece of shit of an Aman-"

"I didn't want you to kill a man" Hijikata deadpanned. He knew why he had stopped Gintoki. It was his wounded pride, certainly, at being saved by a man who in spite of everything was still his rival, someone he actually admired. But it was also sorrow and care and duty, for no one knew better the regret of killing a person like Hijikata did. Nevertheless, his sentiments were bottled up. The mask known as the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi popped out all of a sudden to protect Toshiro from further harm.

"I didn't want you to kill a man" he said again, failing to say what he really meant to. _I didn't want you to commit the same mistake I did_.

"Well, he wasn't a man, he was a fish" Gintoki replied. His carelessness only further angering Hijikata.

"Am I talking to a fucking wall?!"

"What do you want from me, anyway? A good fuck? Just so you can push me away when you don't need me anymore? If I'm just a convenience to you, I'd rather be that wall"

Hijikata did not deign himself to answer and slammed down the receiver ending the call. Yamazaki entered his room at that moment, bringing with him another tray with tea.

"Watch out sir or you'll break the phone again. I heard shouts coming from your room so I thought a warm cup of tea would-"

"Get out. Take that shit away and bring me sake!"

"B-but s-sir, I c-can't. The doctor's orders said no alco-"

"Fuck them!"

"B-b-but s-ssir-"

"Go disembowel yourself in the yard! GET OUT! OUT!"

Hijikata grabbed the phone with his right hand and sent it flying in Yamazaki's direction. His subordinate fled in time to avoid being hit but the phone was beyond repair.

"I don't want to see anyone until I've said otherwise! Anyone!" he cried.

"W-what about the C-Co-Commander?" Yamazaki's squeaked from the corridor.

"ANYONE!"

Unable to drink or sleep, Hijikata lied down for several hours thinking deeply about the conversation that had just occurred. He couldn't stop feeling embarrassed for his own actions and the way he had let some of them be so easily misread. The various unconscious reasons why he had never allowed himself to have any serious relationship were dancing right in from of him, mocking him and showing him their butts. He knew why it all mattered now, why he felt so terribly ashamed of himself. He knew why he could not let his many defects go unpunished without the least reproach. He had once hurt Mitsuba for her own good, pushed her away knowing exactly why he did so and accepting the consequences. However, he could not do the same thing this time. Not with Gintoki, not with their bond. It was different and Hijikata hated himself for not understanding it sooner. Although he might blame Gintoki for being as much of a stubborn fool as he was, he could not abide by his own actions anymore. It was time to drop the act and accept things as they were. Gintoki's words ate his insides and twisted his heart in such painful ways that made the wounds in his torso feel like paper cuts.

Hijikata acted more on instinct than reason but a decision had been made. He grabbed his coat and a scarf and left his room. He sneaked out of the barracks and threatened whoever saw him into silence. He was so concentrated on his destination that he walked all the way to Kabuki District, forgetting that humans had invented taxis. He would later rue overlooking it since the current cold weather was prone to leave a normal person constipated, much less someone in such a frail state as Hijikata.

He reached the Yorozuya's door panting, sweat running down his forehead and hands red from the freezing wind. Good thing they were half bandaged.

Kagura opened the door. She sent him a suspicious look and was about to open her mouth and call her failure of a guardian when Hijikata took a handful of change from his pocket and gave it to her.

"Take this, go downstairs and eat something"

"No way! Thank you so much Mayora!" Kagura ran inside to call her dog, grabbed her shoes and sprinted past Hijikata not giving him another look. Sadaharu followed her outside, bumping into Hijikata's left leg as he ran out. He almost fell face first onto the floor but managed to stay up by supporting his weight on the door frame.

Hijikata soon composed himself and walked inside confidently. Each step swelling him up with even more determination as he was intent on wiping away all ill judgments the idiot perm head had made about himself. It did cross Hijikata's mind that he might end up severing whatever ties encompassed his and Gintoki's relationship but nothing was more important than clearing his name and reputation in the eyes of one of the few people who still mattered in his life.

Gintoki was hunched over the kotatsu, his upper body sprawled on the surface. The room was a mess, food and a variety of objects Hijikata preferred not to describe scattered everywhere. He made for the remote control and turned off the TV. Gintoki's whining was automatic and because he had his back turned wasn't the least bit aware of Hijikata's presence.

"Hey-! Wait! Shinpachi, what the hell! I was watching that. Weren't you going home? Where's Kagu-"

"I sent her downstairs"

Gintoki turned around so fast he kicked the kotatsu and sent a plate of snacks to ruin. He was so astonished not a yelp fled him.

"I've just come to say that all I did was because I love you, though I did not almost bleed to death to please you" Hijikata said gravely.


	12. All Ends Well That's Not Well

Gintoki stood frozen in place trying to understand the loss of everything sensible and reasonable he had. It seemed as if he had been punched from Edo to the ends of the Earth and all air had escaped his lungs and flown up to the planet's surface far away from its core. Gintoki would need at least three rebirths to find the perfect way to describe how he felt at Hijikata's sudden appearance and another eight to understand whatever the fuck he had just said. He feared for a moment the silver in his hair would die to a dull white from the shock. His brain was either paralysed from confusion or stirring suicidally. He had a small notion of having his mouth open with absolute astonishment and his lips going dry because of his body's inactivity. The ache in his knee from having kicked the kotatsu was probably his sole reminder of reality.

It is necessary to rewind back to the paramount event that led to such a total loss of reaction on Gintoki's part to assimilate the current circumstances. In retrospective, the whole alien invasion had been quite an exhausting and extensive ordeal, probably spawning at least eight episodes if one were to talk anime time. It had begun with the contest, followed by an escapade with Hijikata then quitting it to save Kagura and Shinpachi, playing a decisive match of Ztreet Fighter X, getting down to boxers and a sock, fleeing from an exploding spaceship and, well, suffering the biggest mindfuck Gintoki had been through in years. He knew from the moment he had heard Hijikata's screams amidst the curtains of smoke that something wasn't right. With everyone else safe and in control there had been nothing to prevent Gintoki from going to the rescue, not even his pride. Truth be told, it would have taken far less than that to put in motion his slightly damaged hero complex. Nevertheless, Gintoki was ignorant of his own intentions and thus he stepped in with the wrong assumptions unbeknownst. Only when he saw the blade trespassing Hijikata and the blood pooling around him did he comprehend it wasn't about rescuing anybody any more. The bitter taste of vengeance came right up, chilling his spine and steadying his hand ready for the kill. The strong déjà vu kicked in; fingers reminiscing the hard handle of a steel blade, lips tasting the uproar of battle, his arms heavy with the bodies of countless friends and allies he had left behind. The images remained so vivid in his memory he had no way to block them. Gintoki had always fallen to extreme rashness whenever any friend was in harm, his reason shutting itself onto a single purpose, to protect. He prided himself of that since he seemed to be so useless at everything else. But at that time, with Hijikata bleeding profusely without any weapon to defend himself, Gintoki was baffled that he had been denied his charge. Hijikata's voice echoed with shame and anger and it wasn't until later that those feelings resounded inside Gintoki with clarity as well and he blew up in rage. Shinsengumi guns appeared, unloading lead on Trout-face and carrying their Vice Commander away. Gintoki was left in such a state of bewilderment he could barely speak. Apparently a state he was getting quite familiar with.

Hijikata did not utter another syllable after dropping the bomb and Gintoki was starting to feel reprimanded as if he had done something wrong. His attitude on the phone not even an hour ago rang a few bells in his head but Gintoki was an expert at dodging uncomfortable subjects, especially when he had been so cruel in his honesty. Hence, it was absolutely ludicrous to think he deserved any of the present shit, yet, were it not for the first part of Hijikata's chastisement, Gintoki might have been able to rebuke with something other than a stupid face and muteness.

It was crucial to come up with a word or a grunt some time soon. Hijikata was beginning to perceive the impropriety of the situation, more precisely of what he had just blurted out. Unfortunately, Gintoki was too distracted by his own thoughts to answer anything remotely human and being able to watch Hijikata's train of thought by contemplating the blooming flush taking over his features didn't exactly help.

Hijikata put an end to their awkward silence by taking two steps back and withdrawing to the front door. Gintoki's brain processed the decision at first with relief then with indignation. The barrage to feelings which almost a week of suppression had created was demolished, hauling all of them out.

"Oi bastard, you really have some nerve, coming in here all high and mighty trying to sprinkle fairy dust on your shit!"

His dissent was enough to stop Hijikata from taking another step and the latter turned around with eyes bulged out, certainly unable to process Gintoki's deplorable manner of address after what he had belatedly come to understand as his confession.

"What did you-" Hijikata could not even stutter from how stunned he was.

"Yeah you heard me" Gintoki told him "You think a few words are going to put it right? How many more times am I going to go through that again just because you're too stubborn to accept my help? You didn't bleed to death to please me? Are you fucking with me? You think this makes me happy?!"

If Gintoki's heart had not been hammering against his chest from the moment Hijikata appeared it surely was now as those words left his mouth. It had been so easy to spout his nonsensical insecurities over the phone, he had made them sound convincing. He had not given two yens to the thought of Hijikata feeling anything other than annoyance at his words so intent had he been on hurting him. He had even felt triumphant when Hijikata hung up the call in defeat. But now as they spoke face to face, as Gintoki's brain slowly worked its way around Hijikata's reasons for coming to explain himself and seeing him reacting so miserably at his accusations, he knew; he knew there was something else. Gintoki was pondering so deeply about it that he failed to dodge Hijikata's punch. Even with his left arm on a sling, his movements were quick and powerful, sending Gintoki stumbling backwards to the living room.

"If you had an inch of honor in you I would give you my sword so you could disembowel yourself" Hijikata grumbled from above. His voice masked much and nothing.

"I'm sure you don't want to soil it with my blood" Gintoki rebuked while he got up. His cheek stung and swelled, simply adding to the overall pain.

"Well, this was a mistake" Hijikata declared, though to himself or to Gintoki the latter was not sure.

"Then why don't you just leave?"

Hijikata didn't need to be told twice. Gintoki looked away, refusing to meet his eyes in case another wave of remorse flooded him. He removed to his room and slid shut the door. When he slumped on the floor he heard the front door shut as well and Hijikata's footsteps as he climbed down the stairs. He touched the swollen cheek on his face and cursed internally.

"What have I done... shit!"

It was so much easier to regret everything he had said once Hijikata was out of sight, Gintoki felt dumb. Why did he have to be such an idiot? Hijikata didn't make things simple but he had come to explain himself, hadn't he? Gintoki punched the wall in frustration.

"Why did he have to sound so fucking condescending?!"

Gintoki's main problem, and perhaps not only concerning Hijikata, was the fact that love ended up being just another empty word to shove around. Something said out of necessity rather than feeling. It was like Hijikata owed it to him and now there it was, like a card thrown on the table. It was clear that Gintoki was making a huge deal out of their argument. He wasn't bright or sensible enough to take into account Hijikata's fears, nor could he ever fathom the latter to have them. Gintoki, in all his pretense of knowing Hijikata had never really allowed himself to get close enough. He doubted he ever could. He was blinded by his lonely distress, his intimate joys, everything he had made up inside his head. He forgot that to get close he had to open up himself.

Since the beginning it had been nothing but a one-sided fancy to the purpose of his own entertainment. Gintoki had acknowledged it before. He just did not expect the late intimations on Hijikata's part to mean anything else other than mock. He did not believe they could mean anything real because it was just not possible. That's not how things worked for them, that's not how things worked for Gintoki. Now that the veil had been pulled back and something else had attached itself to his fantasy, it had stopped making sense entirely. Gintoki distrusted it all. How could that bastard just strut inside his house telling him that he loved him? It was so fucking ridiculous Gintoki burst out laughing. A week before he had been so scared of what might have happened if he had confessed yet there came pitiful brave Hijikata saying it without a care in the world, like he was so damn sure of it too. Gintoki had to lay back on the tatami floor from so much laughter. It took him a while to realize the humor did not come from any sort of contempt, except maybe the one he had for himself.

He could not stop replaying that little phrase inside his head and he had no control either over the muscles on his face. He was getting scared and worrying about what to do to stop smiling when Otose interrupted his double-edged rapture.

"Gintoki?" She had one eyebrow raised with suspicion and her whole face screamed repulse at his sight. He quickly sat up to a more fitting position and turned to her with a detached expression.

"Sneaking into my room to see if I have some money hidden for your rent? As a matter of fact I'll tell you that-"

"That's not why I came" she interrupted him calmly. It was Gintoki's turn to be wary "Come with me, there's something that belongs to you plastered on my bar and I need you to pick it up because it's closing hours" she whined.

"Shinpachi?! Plastered? What have I told you about serving drinks to minors ba-"

"I do not serve drinks to minors you dimwit!"

"Then Catherine did it"

"She did not"

"You know Shinpachi is still a kid, you must drill that into your employee's brain-"

"It's not Shinpachi!" Otose hissed angrily. Gintoki rolled his eyes and followed her outside, careful to avoid the smoke she purposefully blew on his face.

"Don't tell me you- Kagura- she- you wouldn't!" Gintoki began dramatizing another possible scenario only to have Otose slapping him hard on the head.

"No you moron!" she took a drag on her cigarette and then clicked her tongue "I wonder how he puts up with you" she mumbled under her breath.

"What? Who? What are you saying? Old age is deteriorating your reasoning, oi" Gintoki protested annoyingly though Otose ignored him.

"I told Tama to carry Kagura to the back room. She fell asleep on the counter a while ago" she explained "I thought it strange that she came here at such a late hour, not to mention with a budget" she shot Gintoki a dirty look and sighed "But I soon figured it all out" she said sliding the bar's front door open.

Gintoki's eyes immediately fell upon Hijikata's figure, his black hair shining eerily in the dimly lit room. An emotional discharge swept over his chest and Gintoki felt all the warmth in his body congregate on his face. Beside him Otose was trying to hide her smirk.

"Uh- what... this is not mine!" was the only thing Gintoki managed to verbalize. Otose put out her cigarette and walked towards the counter.

"Well, mine it definitely isn't and I'm not going to be one leaving the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi cold on his ass in the street. Go on, take him out. I'm closing this joint" she added disappearing behind the door that led to the kitchen.

"Well, fuck me" Gintoki cursed. He shut his eyes to concentrate on the torturing task ahead of him. The words _this is not happening_ shrieked beneath his skull and he deliberated for a moment on leaving the asshole right where he was or, better even, outside in the freezing wind.

"Like I could" he berated himself sarcastically. Merely looking at Hijikata's poor state was enough to give him snugly, disgusting urges. Moreover, he acknowledged how utterly pathetic he had been treating him so harshly. The scars on Hijikata's hands were still fresh, nasty bandages peaked out under the layers of fabric covering his chest and his pitiful left arm still rested on its sling while the other one lay lifelessly on the table next to a toppled tea cup.

"You think I'd serve him alcohol in his condition?" Otose reappeared again, another cigarette already between her fingers. Gintoki looked back at her startled "What are you looking at me for? Go on, he's just sleeping, I didn't poison him"

Gintoki did as he was told, swung an arm under the man and hoisted him up. Wasn't it funny how life repeated itself?

"Did I make you laugh?" Otose snapped impatiently. Gintoki shook his head.

"No, he's just fatter"

* * *

When Hijikata woke up Gintoki was nestled on the kotatsu watching a late night re-run of one of his favorite dramas. He had left the bedroom door which connected the two rooms open and noticed Hijikata twitching on the futon, probably wondering where the hell he was. Gintoki was forced to flee the cosy warmth of the kotatsu when Hijikata's blue piercing gaze rested upon him and his hand instantly grabbed the nearest object, sending it flying in his direction at an abnormal speed.

Gintoki hid behind the sofa to avoid being hit and tried to calm him down from afar.

"Easy, easy, I know I was an asshole, easy"

"Fuck you!"

"There's no need to destroy my house!"

Gintoki peaked over the sofa once objects stopped flying above his head and tried to make it to the bedroom as fast as he could. He knew Hijikata would be looking for a sword right about now and it was best to stop him before he got his hands on one. He managed to reach him on time, seeing as Hijikata's gaze had halted on the spot where Gintoki had stashed his sword. He did not stay long fixated on it though. At Gintoki's approach a fist was promptly dispatched to his face, which he managed to catch two inches away from impact, and a second one, which he did not foresee, came to meet his abdomen after daringly escaping its sling. Gintoki gasped more from surprise than actual pain.

"Will you just stop struggling and let me apologize?" he complained.

"Will you just get the hell out of my face, fucking asshole, let me go!" Hijikata was like an injured animal, trying to scare him off with his beastly non-effective ways. Nevertheless, Gintoki was the wiser for being accustomed to them. He grabbed Hijikata's left harm and propped it back onto its sling.

"Now, will you listen to what I-"

Gintoki was either being punished or having his patience tested. Hijikata lunged forward and bumped heads with such strength that Gintoki lost his composure and had to lean on the floor to regain his vision.

"Seriously, you piece of shit, I'm trying to work with you here!"

Hijikata was clearly not listening to him. He got up and staggered to the door, almost stumbling on the kotatsu on his way out.

"Like I am going to listen to any more of your bullshit looking like this" Gintoki heard him mutter. His mumbling was barely perceptible and his voice cracked at the end. It crossed Gintoki's mind that something other than a frown might be crossing Hijikata's face and thus he sprang to his feet, going after him in distress. He got a hand on his right shoulder and turned him around at once.

"Just as I thought" Gintoki muttered, mostly angry at himself. Hijikata's eyes were watery and color had again rushed to his cheeks.

"Get off!" he growled "I just hit you too hard!" he said trying to explain the tears that had swelled up in his eyes.

"No arguing there" Gintoki replied fighting a smile "Also, where do you think you're going?"

"I'm getting the fuck out of here" Hijikata said, pushing back Gintoki with his free hand.

"No you're not. You can barely walk straight"

"I can still shove my fist down your throat if I want to!"

"I can't shove anything inside of you for that matter" Gintoki replied slyly.

"You just had to say that didn't you?!" Hijikata cried out desperately. Gintoki was actually very proud of his dirty joke and its timing. He needed to soothe the tension in the room.

"Couldn't help it"

"Well you certainly weren't interested in shoving anything earlier so you can eat your jokes, imbecile" Hijikata's grievance at being neglected was not as indifferent to Gintoki as it had been earlier that day when he had emptied his frustration over the phone.

"Whatever, that was then this is now. You're not going to leave cryi-"

"Don't you even finish that sentence, fuckhead!" Hijikata's right hand found his chest again and pushed him back fiercely before curling into a fist. Gintoki noticed how he didn't even flinch at the strain, his expression hardened and his breath evened. Hijikata was not done yet "You've had your time to preach" he said between gritted teeth "I'm not crying! You think I'd cry for a pitiless excuse of a man like you?! Don't make me laugh. It's me who I'm angry at. These are tears of frustration! For being so fucking weak. You think I like being like this? Living with this shit you intentionally set on me? I hate looking weak!"

"There's a long way between looking weak and being weak" Gintoki replied. The raw transcription that had just issued out of Hijikata's mouth hit him with blurriness, smudging all edges of decision and certainty. He felt empathy towards what Hijikata had perceived as a straight rejection from him and had decided to change that, only he didn't know how to do it any longer. Hijikata's honest feelings robbed him of any courage his regret had conjured and he felt once again angered and ashamed of his guilt for having put the two of them in this situation. Gintoki didn't know how to plough on through such a muddy road.

"I don't have the luxury to be either. I'm the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi. That's my place, where I belong" Hijikata said, his voice low and undisputed, recognizable to any Shinsengumi officer though strange and cold to the present company.

"I know" Gintoki sighed "But then what are you doing here with me?"

"I don't know!" Hijikata answered defiantly.

"Figured as much"

Gintoki saw in Hijikata's eyes a shine that begged him to prove him wrong, but he felt too humiliated to say anything. The weight of Hijikata's visit had dawned on him with such immensity he could barely lift up his eyes. Hijikata's plain, sincere and immaculate standing on the subject raised him so high above him Gintoki could not but feel like the basest of idiots. He knew he was the loser without any competition ever having taken place. He understood why Hijikata was the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi and he the dopey Yorozuya.

"It's not as if you have a place for me here either" Hijikata said continuing his streak of honesty but failing to hide his sadness. Gintoki's head jerked up and surprise fled his throat.

"What?"

"If you think I'm just going to be another person you need to protect you're deluding yourself. I don't want that. I won't be part of it"

"Then what do you want to be?"

They locked stares in silence until Hijikata bit his lip and sighed.

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?..."

The reply demanded one sole response and Gintoki provided it gladly. He grabbed the collar of Hijikata's yukata and pulled him close capturing his lips in a swift motion that left the rest of the words reverberating against his lips. Despite the heat of the moment, Gintoki remained on the look out for any incoming act of insurgence yet Hijikata only graced him with a firm grip on the back of his head, drawing him in, clinging, holding; even his left hand liberated itself to touch Gintoki's neck. He opened his lips to deepen the kiss, making Gintoki give in to the mysterious laughter that had crept up his throat. Hijikata moaned with displeasure.

"Bastard, are you laughing at me?!" he pulled away and grumbled out of breath.

"Yes because you're just so fucking ridiculous" Gintoki said, never ceasing to smile. Hijikata didn't seem to find the comment the least bit funny though he would soon realize what it really meant. Gintoki would make sure of it.

He aimed down Hijikata's chin, leaving a couple of marks near his collarbone and heard Hijikata pant heavily above him, chest swelling and heartbeat rising. Gintoki also sensed other things growing which led him to fret over Hijikata's layers of clothing hastily.

"No, what are you doing?"

Gintoki kissed him again to end the rebuff but once the tips of his fingers grazed the bandages he was forced to stop and use his brain.

"Shit"

"No shit!" Hijikata replied at once, clearly frustrated and eager to murder the obvious implications of his injuries.

"Thanks for ruining it" Gintoki whined.

"It's not like I wounded myself on purpose!" Hijikata exclaimed with outrage. Gintoki rolled his eyes tiredly and grabbed Hijikata's left hand. He thought twice about kissing it, but chickened out and put it back on the sling.

"What about a blow-"

"NO! Just leave me alone!" Hijikata replied feisty and quickly walked past him towards the bedroom, cheeks blaring red.

"You're just going to leave me hanging?!"

"Jerk off!" And with that Hijikata slid the door shut and went about his business to which Gintoki listened to carefully for ten full minutes, trying to decide whether or not he had truly gone to sleep or jack one off himself. The mere idea Hijikata might do it in his bedroom was oddly erotic to Gintoki and he ended up relieving his pent up arousal imagining it.

* * *

Morning greeted Gintoki with a strange unnatural bliss and a warm blanket over his shoulders. He lifted his head from the kotatsu table, dragging a trail of drool after him, and adjusted his squinting eyes to the light. The abnormal silence infesting the whole house was freakish to say the least and the absence of Shinpachi's hustle and bustle requested that inquiries be made about the past night. Gintoki didn't need to rack much of his brain for an answer because as soon as his dead fish eyes rested on bedroom doors he wound back pretty much the whole tape. His legs shot up suddenly, lurching him forward with an eagerness his half dormant body could not process. Fortunately, there wasn't much left in the room he could wreck. It looked like a really bad episode of Ultraman, which meant all of them.

Finding the bedroom empty fed his equal empty stomach a dose of disappointment he was not sure he could quench with his best and last carton of strawberry milk. Gulping it down proved it.

"Gin-san! Where the hell were you last night? Tama brought Kagura to the dojo again after she fell asleep on Otose's back room. Have you been hitting the pachinko parlors again? You know you're broke right?" Shinpachi's scolding built up in a crescendo from the stairs outside to his seat by the kotatsu.

"What the hell! Look at this place. It's a dump!"

"Kagura was here first, I just nested on my meagre side of the kotatsu"

"You mean the whole freakin' room!"

"No, I tell you, that's why Kagura ran downstairs, she started making a mess of things after Sadaharu..."

Gintoki lost track of his speech once he turned to Shinpachi and found his stare scrutinizing the bedroom. A knot tightened on his throat and then almost suffocated him as Shinpachi turned around 180 degrees and looked at the pool of saliva amassed on the wooden surface of the kotatsu. Shinpachi was a pervert goodhearted virgin boy, but he was a pervert nonetheless. He was good at math too.

"Oh" his eyeglasses lost its transparency and gave a shrewd sparkle "Now that I notice, you seem to be in a much better mood, uh Gin-san"

It wasn't a question as much as it was an observation. One easily made by any person who had had to put up with Gintoki the past two weeks. The latter cackled in the creepiest way he could and tried to shake off the subject.

"Y-yes, I mean, yeah, I, there was uh, you know, hahahahahaahahahaha, a rerun of a very rare drama that I was hoping to record and-"

"Gin-san" Shinpachi's voice returned to its usual matter-of-fact tone and he slouched his shoulders "You're going to repay Hijikata-san all the money he spends on Kagura one day, right?"

"Fuck no!"

* * *

Although it was completely out of the question to repay anything monetary to Hijikata, there was something else quite vital that Gintoki felt the need to give back. The thought quickly became a necessity as the days went by, yet Gintoki had no idea how to go about paying his due. After their last meeting the promise of something more than an exchange of cuss words was surely a done deal. Nobody contested that. However, it was out of Gintoki's power to just randomly choose a date and get on with it. He had decided not to be brazen and reckless about it for though he was sure of his feelings on the matter, he was totally sceptical about Hijikata's. The Vice Commander had disappeared without a single word after that night, leaving Gintoki with more nightmarish speculations to keep him company. They had not parted enemies, but they had not parted much else either which worried Gintoki to his core. He knew Hijikata had most probably slipped away early to return unassumingly to his barracks so as not to raise suspicion, however, under their current circumstances, Gintoki didn't really give two fucks about such concerns. He had turned into a puddle of insecurities and the fear of losing Hijikata's affections was turning into a big black hole devouring every other emotion ruling his reasoning.

He tried his best to squeeze whatever bits of information he could from Okita though the sadistic little shit always left him feeling too humiliated and ashamed about his methods which led Gintoki to resort to bribes. He manipulated Shinpachi into suborning Yamazaki with anpans and, when he noticed the greedy bastard was taking advantage of the situation, bribed Kagura to beat the information out of him every other day. All of this under the most stupid pretences such as the Anti-Mayonnaise-Freaks Brigade and so on. Gintoki was not going to risk any word of his endeavors ever reaching Hijikata. He was not going to spoil him the surprise or rather he was not going to give him any more reasons to hate him (which was hilarious because they had spent like one hundred thousand and sixty five years hating the guts out of each other. They still did actually. In some aspects. Probably seventy percent. Or less.)

"Yeah, fifty percent now maybe" Gintoki mumbled to himself.

"Gin-chan, I brought you Jimmy-kun's message!" Kagura exclaimed happily from atop Sadaharu's back. The gigantic dog turned a corner, bending a traffic sign in the process, and stopped dead in its tracks four inches away from Gintoki.

"Thanks Kagu-"

"Where's my sukonbu?!" she asked immediately, the note still in her grasp. Her arm was raised high and Gintoki looked at it with vexation.

"Under Hedoro's entrance mat"

"Whaaaaat! Gin-chan not fair!" Kagura whined aloud. Gintoki had turned the bribing business into some kind of treasure hunt to keep her going "Last time I had to go through all of Gengai's trash to find it and before that I had to search all cardboard boxes Madao slept in the past month! Putting it under Hedoro's mat is just unfair! I'm gonna call Zura" she said with a pout. Gintoki sighed.

"Where's Shinpachi?"

"Pachi-boy is a pussy, he'd just go water Hedoro's flowers!" she hissed and shoved the note into his chest with fury "Let's go Sadaharu. Put on your mean face for Hedoro!"

Gintoki watched her go with apprehension but as soon as he saw Katsura and Elizabeth crossing the street towards her shouting "Leader! Leader!" he gave up his worry and rolled his eyes, the note in his hand regaining foremost importance. He opened it and read as follows:

_Yamazaki Sagaru, 21st of Anpan of Anpananpan, Report: Something unusual happened today. The Vice Commander, after taking his shower naked and breakfast clothed, withdrew to his room and spent half and hour doing paperwork before stopping it altogether to talk to himself. It is perhaps relevant to mention he may have gone crazy from the strong medication he took the past month. His monologue went something like this "Aaah, these bastards, can't patrol the streets for shit mayo, maybe I should head out today and oversee this business at east Kabuki-cho. Damn third rate yakuzas mayo, always trying to sell fake moonshine to otakus" end of citation. This is indeed weird because no reports came from east Kabuki-cho the past two days and there's been no trace of moonshine in Edo for at least three decades. There's the possibility the Vice Commander may have entered in contact with the spirit world. Will need further investigation. Current status: good health, mentally deficient._

Gintoki stared blankly at the paper in his hands after rereading it thrice.

"What kind of shitty report is this! Do I pay taxes for crap like this!" he exclaimed exasperated. He wrapped the paper with excessive gesticulation and threw it to the ground as if it were a ball of hellfire "What kind of report says 'he breakfasted clothed'? WHAT!"

A few passersby shot him disapproving looks and Gintoki was forced to calm down, pick up his wrinkled scrap of paper and chuck it inside his kimono. He sighed and made towards east Kabuki-cho. At least the 'bathing naked' part gave him good visuals.

* * *

The sun had set and people had had their dinners. Most of them at least. The good lot. Gintoki was obviously among them. He had finished his bowl of ramen, put it on his tab and exited the old man's stall. There was a spring to his step which came from issues of the heart rather than the usual need to run from debts.

Gintoki walked in the shadows of the narrow streets towards a candid looking building, discreet in size and customers. Beside it was a structure that resembled more a shack than an actual living dwelling, but which was in fact an old decrepit shop by the name Moonshine. They didn't sell actual moonshine because no one in Japan even knew what that was nowadays. Gintoki wasn't sure it was a shop either since they had started renting it out to college students who organized coups and listened to way too much country music. It didn't really matter because Gintoki wasn't a regular there. He couldn't say the same about the other place though.

A hand slid him a key from under the panel and he headed up to a room he already knew too well. To his not-so-utter surprise he was the first to arrive. His hand went unconsciously to the wrinkled paper inside his kimono and he paced from one side of the room to the other feeling like a deserted lover on a deserted island. His doubts struck at him again and he reread the stupid report over and over hoping he hadn't missed anything. It had clearly been a bad idea to keep it since he only ended up second guessing himself even more. Gintoki decided to just ignore it and go take a shower. At least that way he wouldn't be devising depressing theories while loitering around. Sometimes he had great ideas as well.

He had finished zipping up when the door opened and Hijikata stepped inside, looking as flawless and sleek as ever. Gintoki immediately regretted having put on any pants since Hijikata's appearance just defeated the purpose. He wore his casual yukata loosely, skin showing and reminding whoever knew him that bandages were a thing of the past. Gintoki had to stop himself from making any sleazy comments and thus held on to his serious face desperately, surprising himself by how much he truly dreaded the present moment. He was, nevertheless, cornered into a further stupor once his eyes met Hijikata's and the other man broke into a beguiling smile.

"You really were using Yamazaki to spy on me, uh? How much of a retard do you think I am, idiot?"

Gintoki opened his mouth but nothing came out and he felt like every inch of the idiot he had just been accused of being. His heart thrashed violently inside his ribcage and he was having a real problem breathing. He didn't remember ever feeling like this and he wasn't sure who he feared more, Hijikata or himself. It was ridiculous.

"You know I think we have to postpone this to some other time" he blurted out in panic. Hijikata shot him a bemused look, eyebrow raised. He didn't reply anything other than a scoff.

"I'm serious, I'm not feeling well" Gintoki added, lifting himself up and failing, action which brought Hijikata over, ever so close, so near his skin. Why hadn't he dressed himself completely? Why had he wasted so much time on the shower singing Qyary's new hit song? _Dumbass!_

"You're not kidding?" Hijikata knelt down in front of him by the bed and reached out his hands to touch his shoulders. To Gintoki it was the last straw. He was either going to say something very stupid or doing something very dumb. He did both.

Hijikata was hoisted up and pushed down onto the bed while Gintoki successfully straddled him. It was heart-warming to find another bulge greeting his own down there. Hijikata's face was slightly red from surprise and annoyance.

"Welcome to fuckland~" Gintoki said in a singsong voice.

"You're so fucking nasty!" Hijikata groaned.

"Oh you like it"

"Shut up!"

"I heard you're actually pretty tasty for a foul mouthed bastard"

"I heard you're an ass which you actually are" Hijikata rebuked as originally as possible. Gintoki furrowed an eyebrow but it wasn't enough to counterbalance the giddiness crawling inside his skin. When it came down to it, the words flew effortlessly out of his mouth.

"An ass who loves you is not that bad"

Hijikata fell to an abrupt silence startling Gintoki with the ensuing awkwardness.

"You just had to make this weird, didn't you?" Gintoki complained after waiting half a second for a reply. It was as if the condition assailing his body had transferred itself onto Hijikata and shut down his system.

"You're the one who said it!"

"What? I love you? It was always implicit you know?" he said it light heartedly, but it wasn't a lie and Hijikata's reddening ears and widening eyes acknowledged it fully, almost gratefully. If he put some effort into it, Gintoki might have even heard a sigh of relief.

"Like hell it was!"

"Yeah because I would just fuck any other jackass out there that stalks me"

"What?"

"Doesn't matter, let's not lose the mood"

"I do not fucking stalk you!" Hijikata protested.

"Then how do you always end up on my bed?"

"It's not yours!"

"Not the point jackass! For fuck's sake take a clue, how much can it take, uh?"

"I swear, you're really starting to get on my nerves!"

"Great! There's something else I want to get on so let me take my cue"

Despite all his boasting, Gintoki wasn't that much better at conveying his feelings and his 'I love you's' were just like they had ever been. Practical.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
